to wonder if counselling will really make any difference?

[LizzyLizard]

I am REALLY unhappy at work at the moment. It is a specialist business and whilst I love the actual work and am good at it, and the hours are flexible and the money isn't bad, I hate the politics, the behaviour of some staff (especially senior managers), the way problems go round in circles and nothing ever gets any better, I could go on and on. Every day I look at the job ads but I can't get anything else locally with the same money and hours. I could apply for different jobs with less money but then I wouldn't be able to do all the things I love with the family, that all seem to make life worth it.

So, I accept that I am stuck with it, but meanwhile, I lie awake ruminating, feel constantly angry, often pointlessly e.g. about past events, am in a vicious circle of sleeping pills (only over the counter ones) then painkillers all day 'cos I feel so crap. I don't think I'm actually depressed (my mate who's a psychiatric nurse says I'm not) just stressed out with work.

Another friend has suggested that counselling would help me to accept things that I can't change and just generally rationalise things a bit better.

It is quite appealing but I am sceptical that it will help. Counselling isn't cheap and I just worry that at the end of several sessions nothing will have changed, work will still be as hellish as ever, and I'll be hundreds of pounds worse off. DH is an amazing listener so it's not like I have no-one to talk to.

Can anyone convince me? AIBU to wonder if it will make any difference?

Counseling may or may not work, but it's very individual specific. Can you try a session or two? Even just for identifying coping strategies?

You list a lot of positives to the job, does the negative out weigh what's going on? Are you being dragged into the politics? What do you think will happen if you try to stay out of it?

Thanks ladyLuck yes I might do that.

At the moment the negatives do seem to outweigh the positives. I hate it and dread going in every day. It's impossible to ignore the politics, I work in a big open plan office.

It sounds very much to me like you're heading for a breakdown if something doesn't change pretty soon. Is there anything you can do to make things better at work? If not, then it might be time to leave. Counselling might help you to manage your anxiety but I think the effect will be too slow, plus I think if you carry on in this job the counselling will be pointless as you will destress and then restress over and over.

Talking therapy helps lots of people, not everyone obviously but in general about two thirds of people benefit to some extent. Counselling is often used as a catch all term, there's lots of different types of talking therapy, cognitive behaviour therapy has the best evidence bases and I wonder if this could help you. I'm curious as to why you feel you have to pay for therapy if you go to your GP and request a referral to your local mental health service (probably an IAPT, improving access to psychological therapies, service) then you should be able to see a therapist. Alternatively I'd imagine there are voluntary counselling services in your area. Hope this helps and you're feeling better soon.

I think the first point of call would be the GP, lack of sleep, pain killers in day are not good.

Stress is an awful illness and if untreated can lead to very physical symptoms and worse! I'd be inclined to ask the GP about stress management courses or groups and have a look at them.
There are internet sites and books that you could maybe look at.

If seeing a counsellor appeals to you then go, counselling can help in all aspects of life, I'm a firm believer in counselling but it's my job!!

That would drive me up the wall too. I hate politics and negativity. I think I would book a couple of sessions to see if they could suggest any coping mechanisms. Perhaps you could have a look at selfhelp books for coping mechanisms?

I can't say whether it will help you, but I would have killed myself long ago if I hadn't had counselling, yet since I had a year of counselling 15 years ago I have been happy and well-balanced.

A few sessions will cost you less than the price of a nice pair of boots. Is it really not worth trying?

Counselling/talking therapy generally is A Good Thing and I'm sure you would get plenty out of it

The only thing is it seems rather pointless when you have actually identified the root of your frustration/dissatisfaction/low feelings

It sounds as though rather than changing the situation you're in now you are hoping that the therapy might change YOU so that you can put up with the frustrations (or develop coping strategies for them?). Which seems a bit arsewise when actually you're having a perfectly reasonable and natural response to an unhealthy working environment

I don't know... I'm not a counsellor/therapist so I don't want to advise one way or the other about whether it will help your current situation. But you might find the therapist challenging you to think through why staying in this job when it is causing you so much angst is worth it

Pointless was the wrong word... I don't think it would ever be pointless and I'm sure you would get great benefit from the right therapy for your situation. I'm
just cautious about suppressing your perfectly normal reaction to your work environment

Thank you all. Very accurate summary!

Funnily enough have just had the best night's sleep for a while, with no pills, I'm sure as a result of just articulating the problem in writing here.