AIBU to ask for help regarding 22 year old with learning disabilities.

[roland83]

Hello,

I'm not sure if anyone can advise me here.

Having a few family issues and I'm trying to work out how to help my younger cousin, he is 22 years old and has learning disabilities. I'm sorry but I don't know the full diagnosis, but he gets DLA at around £180 a month if that helps, and I would say he has the mental age of a 10-12 year old.

He has been living with his mum for years, just the two of them, and she recently lost her job through misconduct and shortly after had an operation and then unfortunately a blood clot which lead to a stroke. She is currently in hospital and has been for around 3 weeks now.

My cousin has been living with my Grandma who is 80 this year, and she has been struggling a lot. There is not a lot of family support, myself, my sister and my mum all live away from the area and aren't able to help on a day-to-day basis. He has a half-brother who is unwilling to help, and another auntie and cousins who will help short-term but cannot afford to keep him.

The house my cousin and auntie lived in is in a terrible state, the toilet, basin and shower don't work and are beyond repair, there is no oven and no carpet, just underlay. It's filthy and doesn't have any heating since the gas fire was condemned years ago. She isn't very clean and so people stopped going to her house years ago, and this was only discovered after the stroke.

She owns the house, and it's maybe worth £40,000 in it's current state.

So, that's the background I think, sorry it's so long, don't want to drip feed.

My cousin has stolen money from Grandma, and he also managed to order a phone on eBay using my Grandma's debit card, which he's now admitted to. There was a huge row between my cousin and my Grandma's partner and they hate each other it seems.

My aunty cannot currently walk because of the stroke and the long term prognosis isn't great, mentally she seems normal but it's affected her physically.

My cousin will not shower, he smells very bad, he's broken the bed already as he's around 25+ stones and 6ft tall. He's a lovely lad but he's very confused and angry about things.

Last night my mum rang social services to see what help they can get for him, and I'm just wondering if anyone can offer any clue as to what could happen?

Everyone feels stuck in the middle as Grandma shouldn't have to be dealing with it all, but also my cousin has not had a great upbringing and hasn't been taught anything useful, which is now causing him a lot of problems.

Sorry it's all a muddle, just not sure what to do! I work for myself and can't afford to go back home to try to organise anything as I have no idea what to do, he can't live on his own unsupervised in my opinion.

Social services can definitely help. They may find him housing and arrange for a support worker to help him day to day.

Further than that I am not sure, but as a support worker to adults with learning disabilities that seems the most likely scenario to me

He is eligible for help. He may be able to live independently, with support, in a shared house or a flat.

Best of luck.

adult social care/social services will be able to help - that's their role

Call SS immediately. It sounds like this pair need lots of help from various agencies and your cousin may need to placed in assisted residential care or something as he's a vulnerable adult with LD with no family who can take him on. Good for you getting involved.

he needs an adult social care assessment. make sure they write that he has substantial or critical need as anything less than that he wont get much help.

search learning disabilities and charity near you get them to help with support and advice how to get the right assessment .
agree it's going to be best he gets a supported living type placement where by he can visit his relatives but is living elsewhere and fully supported

call SS ask for duty social worker for adults with disabilities

He is eligilble for an assessment of his care needs from Social Services.
His Mum/grandma or who ever is looking after him at the moment is also entitled to a Carers assessment in their own right. He doesn't need to have an assessment done in order for them to have this. So even if he refuses his assessment they can still have one.
The carers assessment would look at their needs - one of which would be time away from looking after him. It should not be assumed that becasuse they are family, that they are able and willing to look after him.

That said it is usually a fight to get anything.

They can get advice from a number of sources such as CAB, a local CArers Centre and possibly Age Concern (if they are over 50).

it sounds like your aunt also needs help and support too

Thank you so much for all of the replies.. I really do appreciate it.

Social Services were contacted yesterday and I guess things will now start to happen to help them both, I was just so worried than with him being over 18 years old that they would not be able to help.

They are both lovely people, but both have much greater needs than I ever imagined... I think my auntie has probably always had some special needs herself but just never been diagnosed.

My cousin is a smashing lad, but he's really not been brought up with any rules or structure and as much as I'm angry that he stole from Grandma I really don't think I can judge him too harshly at all considering how he's been living and the lack of emotional support from his mum. I just wish they had been able to speak out earlier but I think my auntie buries her head in the sand and doesn't see a problem.

Thank you again, my aunt will have support in place through the stroke unit she is currently in, and although my cousin wouldn't ever be homeless, he needs more than being passed from person to person, he needs stability and so maybe this is going to be good for him in the long term.

Thank you again x