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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

people that talk about about moving to a country they've never been to before

37 replies

ladygingina · 06/10/2014 12:53

My sister is now going on about moving to oz since Scotland didn't vote yes.

I understand it is good for her work, but seriously she's never even been there. Not even for a holiday!

I've lived in quite a few countries, all that's taught me is the grass is often greener and things are pretty good in the UK.

Should I tell her this?

OP posts:
babykonitsway · 06/10/2014 12:56

I know quite a few people who have moved without having visited the country before. Every single one returned in les than a year despite it having been the plan to move permanently.

Sounds like a knee jerk reaction. It would be ridiculous to move without having been there. What if it's too hot, misses family too much. A very expensive mistake.

specialsubject · 06/10/2014 12:59

well, let her try. The Aussies don't actually let just anyone move there on a whim.

and they don't like whinging poms either.

owlborn · 06/10/2014 13:10

Both my PiL and my BiL (sister's husband) moved to the UK "blind" as it were. MiL didn't even speak English when she came. All made it work but are very honest about how hard it was and I think if they had had the choice (PiL didn't have a country to go back to, BiL was married to Dsis and jib circumstances kept them here) they would have gone home. It isn't an easy life solution.

LiverpoolLou · 06/10/2014 13:16

When I emigrated it was the first time I'd ever been abroad. Neither of us spoke the language, although DH had a job lined up in an English speaking industry. We also bought our house here over the internet. Been here 8 years now with no plans to return.

Youarejustwordsonascreenpeople · 06/10/2014 13:17

Well we moved from the UK to a ME country, having never been there before, for a job opportunity. We agreed that we would see how we felt in a year and decide whether we wanted to stay or not. We are just on our third year and live it here.

Though I have to say my DH is looking for anew job for next year and we are researching other countries we could go to and again we will go sight unseen and see what we think.

dreamingbohemian · 06/10/2014 13:27

I think YABU a bit -- it's Australia, not someplace super exotic, she can do a bunch of research and talk to people who have lived there and make a pretty good guess whether she'd like it.

I've lived in several countries myself and I think some places ARE better than others depending on what you want in life, what your work and family situation is, etc. So discouraging people from moving because it won't be any better is shortsighted, I think.

moxon · 06/10/2014 13:32

youarejust Emigrating and going somewhere to work short/longterm are not one and the same. Hmm But both can be equally challenging/rewarding.

StripyBanana · 06/10/2014 13:33

I saw the thread title and wondered if out was Australia.we visit Australia a lot and in conversion I meet people who want to move and haven't been. It's nuts. They assume a land flowing with milk and honey and it really isn't. We certainly don't want to live there!!

LeftRightCentre · 06/10/2014 13:36

I also emigrated blind. Still here 14 years later.

AMumInScotland · 06/10/2014 13:37

Do you think she is seriously thinking about it, or just mouthing off?

If you think she might actually do it, then maybe focus on pointing out some of the kinds of things she might like to look into at this stage, from your experience of living in other countries.

So, not actually being discouraging, but say "Oh we found places vary so much when it comes to . What's Australia like for that?" Just get her thinking about some of the dull practicalities of life instead of the "It always looks sunny on Neighbours" mentality.

Sunnymeg · 06/10/2014 13:38

I think you see these type of people on 'A place in the sun' DH and I watch and think we can spot those who are on it for a free holiday.

We know of two people who have emigrated successfully. One met his future wife whilst travelling around Africa and they settled in Tanzania, the other moved to Oz, but he did have distant family there already who he stayed with whilst he found his feet.

wobblyweebles · 06/10/2014 13:43

Based on my family I'd say you're being a bit precious TBH. I actually can't think of anyone in my family who hasn't at some point moved to a country without seeing it first, including me.

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 06/10/2014 13:45

This drives me nuts too. A former colleague was planning to move his whole family (2dcs) out to Australia and had never been! He was gutted when their visa's didn't come through.

What also makes me laugh is that people seem to think everything is free out there. They want a house Nr Melbourne, three times the size, with a pool and for one of them to give up work. All for the price of a 2up 2down in the midlands. It's just unrealistic!

StripyBanana · 06/10/2014 13:50

Yup! There's some myth in our collective consciousness that it wil be cheaper and everyone has a pool.... In reality houses, food and medical care are all more expensive.... And people look at the positives without realising the things they take for granted about where they live that they'd miss when they move...

BaffledSomeMore · 06/10/2014 13:58

Depends on her personality type really.
If she's the kind of person who thinks she'll be happy if she has a new handbag/sofa/house/life but always remains dissatisfied then she would be likely to be unhappy wherever she was.
If she's a make the best of what life deals you type then she might be fine just doing it.

Spindarella · 06/10/2014 14:08

I think even having visited somewhere is different to living in a place.

Friends moved to Dubai after a holiday there. They do love it. However, despite speaking to people who'd previously done the same they were still taken aback by some things.

  • His job was spectacularly hard, but he was pretty much tied to the company visa-wise. He did not realise how much this lack of freedom would trouble him in reality.
  • She has to have her husband's permission to work.
  • There are cultural differences which they are not comfortable with.
  • Income is more but they pay a fortune for their place on the palm (their reasoning is why move to Dubai to live in surburbia?). Also, they have to pay for literally everything - beach passes, schools, healthcare, the live in "maid" they need for afterschool care...

They knew a lot of this in theory but living it is very different to how they imagined it.

Their plan is to stay their for 5 years and come back here with a wedge of cash. Initally they were planning on emigrating altogether.

juneau · 06/10/2014 14:17

Well its bonkers, plain and simple. I've lived abroad three times, but I'd never have moved to a country I'd never even visited. The folly of moving a whole family to the far side of the world without a visit too is baffling. But there's nowt so queer as folk!

If she ever does it (which I doubt she will), I'm willing to bet she'll be back - and sooner rather than later. To start with its like a holiday, but once reality bites a lot of people get awfully homesick.

One thing about living overseas for years is how much I appreciate the UK now. Before I totally took it for granted, and yes it has its problems, but so does everywhere.

TheLastLeopard · 06/10/2014 15:12

I moved blind to South America, and took my young family too. Four years down the line we are very happy here. I think it depends on your outlook though, we've lived in some very odd places but we've always been happy as we try and adapt and find the good in where we live.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2014 15:17

People used to do it all the time. If it weren't for 'blind' emigration, DH and I wouldn't both be living in a country not of our birth. Thanks to his parents for up and leaving Scotland. Just like your sister.

It's not a great idea in these times of cheap airfares. However, living in a country is completely different to living there so you may not know if it's a good fit even visiting.

purpleapple1234 · 06/10/2014 15:36

I can't see the problem with it. We are going to emigrate there. We were perfectly happy to do it blind. But needed to actually go there to validate the visa first. Which confirmed our conviction that it'll be great for us.

I am a bit surprised that some people are anti the idea though. Not family who we expect to be a bit sad that we won't be so close, but others who seem to see it as a childish whim, which is irritating to them for some reason.

What life is like there can't be a huge surprise. We live in the age of the internet. It is possible to find out everything about Australia even down to the price of a can of beans if you really want to research it to death. Everyone knows someone who's lived there either as a native or emigrant. They speak the same language and we grew up watching neighbours.

Anyway, what is wrong with being a ping pong pom? What's what I fully intend to be. A few years in oz and then back to Europe for my mum when gets old.

It isn't a cheap option though. If the OP needs reassurance that her sister may not do she just needs to think about the visa process. It is so longwinded, expensive and tough that it weeds out anyone who isn't completely committed.

upsetandsad · 06/10/2014 15:36

I've moved blind twice - once from Scotland to London, and now to the Middle East.

I absolutely loved living in London and our new home is brilliant too. There have been some issues with getting our visa etc. - all par for the course really in this country, but our standard of living is miles better than in the UK.

My brother is thinking of a blind move to Oz and I think it's a great idea for him.

I have to say that I'm not going to be rushing back to Scotland following the referendum result either. However, she needs to make sure it's not a knee-jerk thing, I suppose, and that she really wants to go, or something. I dunno. I think she should go.

handcream · 06/10/2014 15:45

I love 'Wanted Down Under' but there are some very silly people around, without fail they over value their own house which is an average looking house in the Midlands and want a pool, one to give up work etc. Perth is baking hot in their summer and I would suspect coming from Scotland would be a no no.

When I see people saying they wouldnt pay xxx for a house in Oz but want top dollar for their own place, life has a habit of sorting this sort of thing out. If the Oz house is over valued it wont sell, if your UK house is over valued it wont sell either!

nicename · 06/10/2014 15:50

It sounds like she is flouncing off.

I guess if you have a job or your other half has a job then its a bit of an adventure. Or if you're young, footloose and fancy free. If you have roots in the UK too, there's always the option to return.

My sister unintentionally emigrated to the states when she was young - went off to finish her studies, met her first husband, had kids...fast forward 30+ years. She is a highly educated lover of art, literature, architecture and history living close to a city that sounds wonderful but is essentially yee-haw hicksville. She dreams of coming home but both parens are now dead, her kids are settled in the states, rest of the family scatered etc so its not very likely.

cailindana · 06/10/2014 15:51

I think people really underestimate the cultural differences that exist between English speaking countries. It seems to me that a lot of people move to Australia/NZ expecting it to be the UK with more sun. It's not, it's an entirely different country with its own culture and norms.

I moved from Ireland to England years ago. Despite the fact that the countries are side by side and have a lot of shared history there are very significant cultural differences. I think that, and lack of family and long-term friends, is what people fail to factor in when moving abroad. They forget that they'll be in an entirely new place with new rules, new expectations and with no familiar base to work from. Some people love that of course (I found it both refreshing and hard in different ways) but a lot of people struggle and feel lonely and upset at the lack of their "normality" and routine.

sonjadog · 06/10/2014 15:51

I think there is a personality type who takes to living abroad, and they will like it whether they have been there before or not. And then there is a personality type who doesn't like it and to them the idea of moving without being very, very sure is unthinkable. And then there are lots in the middle who move and find that they were happier where they came from after all, or who don't move and always wonder what if...