Is it ok for my dog to mean more to me that my partner of 10 months?!

[Bellalongstone]

Might sound like a silly question, but I am a 55 year old woman with three fabulous grown up kids. Two have left home but my 23 year old lad who is on the autisitc spectrum still lives with me. I have been seeing this partner for 10 months-he never had children and has elderly parents who depend on him a great deal. Infact, he sold his house as he wanted them to move in with him so he could keep an eye on them but they have changed their minds so he has bought a decent motorhome to live in. Whilst it was initially quite fun "camping", he never seems to want to stay at my (lovely, clean, warm, comfortable Victorian villa) house overnight, meaning I go to him but he will not allow my springer spaniel who is very dear to me come into the motorhome. If my son is out all night, I will not leave the dog alone so on Saturday night, I took her with me to the campsite and made a bed up for her in the car. I woke up at 2am feeling very guilty as I sensed the temperature outside has plummeted (was only 3 degrees) so I told him I was going and took the dog home for the rest of the night. He has been openly sulking since and very textually cold.

He's living in a motor home because...

Dog first, him not even on the list afaiac

YANBU. What reason does he give for not wanting the dog in the motorhome? If he's allergic then I guess I could just about forgive him, but if it's something fussy like not liking the smell then I couldn't.

Yes, the dog comes first, and your partner sounds odd - there is a reason his parents didn't want to live with him.

I prefer your dog to him too

He doesn't sound like much of a catch.

YANBU.

Or indeed much of a 'partner'.

I prefer your dog to him too

^^ This

I couldn't be with someone who didn't treat my dog well. Love me, love my dog (or at least be kind to him).

Well, I am not a doggie person and I wouldn't want to have to consider the dog's needs all the time and I would especially not want to sleep in a room (or motorhome) with a dog.

But I understand that people love their animals (I had guinea pigs who I loved very much) so I just wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who had a dog (or cat) as you do have to consider their needs once you have them and sulking about it isn't going to help!

It sounds like you are not right for each other.

It all sounds a bit dodgy, I'd be inclined to disbelieve the motorhome story. I also don't fully trust people who are weird about lovely animals, unless it's from allergies or a childhood fear etc. He sounds strange and childish to be sulking over something so small. I'd leave it and find a nice man who'll love you and the dog. Life's too short to compromise THAT much.

well exactly ilovedyouyesterday

it doesn't matter whether you are an animal person or not, if you are going to be in a relationship with someone who is an owner of animals you have to accept that there are requirements that go with that

Well, I am not a doggie person and I wouldn't want to have to consider the dog's needs all the time and I would especially not want to sleep in a room (or motorhome) with a dog.

Never mind sleeping in the same room as a dog, ours sleeps in our bed! I won't let DP put the dog in the kitchen so he sleeps curled up against my stomach, like big spoon/little spoon

QUOTE

To everyone (well, almost!) who replied-thank you! Unbelieveably I work in the field of domestic abuse, so I know what I should do with this odd man who doesn't seem to want to spend time with me and my kids and dog! Thank you all again.

Dump him quick.

Well, sis, you now have the authorisation of Mumsnet to do what you'd already decided to do, so off you trot xx

Yanbu OP, my dog means more to me than my dh of 16 years!!

An ex boyfriend once made me choose between him and my cat - he's now an ex and I've never regretted it for a second

YANBU. I much prefer the cut of your dog's jib than I do this somewhat peculiar man.

I once sent someone home to spend the rest of the night at their house because, quite frankly, my dog was far better company and certainly took up a lot less space in the bed.

Speaking as someone whose 3 dogs are stretched out on the sofas whilst DH and I are on the floor....I say ditch him. Your dog gives you unconditional love and devotion, companionship and probably lots of fun as well. What on earth does this man give you?

As a dog lover, I couldn't be arsed with somebody that was too anal to allow a dog into their motor home. Dogs are like family so yanbu.

Agree with everyone so far. My dp isn't a massive animal lover but I know that if I had a pet that I loved, he'd be kind and accommodating around it for my sake (and probably end up loving it to bits).

I can understand people not wanting to get too close to smelly dogs though. And if that was an issue I'd do my best to make sure the dog smelled as 'fragrant' as possible.

I must be honest and say when I read the title, I thought who would put their dog before their partner? but having read your post, I now think YANBU.