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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is possibly a little bit cheeky...

55 replies

Weathergames · 05/10/2014 20:28

I received an email from a friend asking me to donate to a fund raising page.

My friend is in her 40s has her own house, no children, good job.

She is fund raising for vets bills for her elderly cat who has developed diabetes. It's a Persian cat and has developed lots of health problems which can be controlled but the ongoing medication is getting too expensive for her to afford.

I get that the animal is precious to her esp as she has no kids (I have a cat but we also have a large family and a mortgage/normal life expenses).

AIBU to have felt a bit Hmm Shock when I received this this morning - and to politely ignore?

Is it ok to ask your mates to fund your vets bills?

OP posts:
Jill2015 · 05/10/2014 21:38

I would ignore. If she mentions it, be prepared with a slightly incredulous response. I'm gobsmacked that someone would set up a fundraising page like that.

HermioneWeasley · 05/10/2014 21:40

I would reply saying that you can't afford to help her out as you're skirt. Min fact, could she chip in for your weekly shop, or the kids' new shoes?

Cheeky bing.

LeftRightCentre · 05/10/2014 21:48

Ignore! Not your problem.

Scholes34 · 05/10/2014 22:12

Just ignore and don't worry about her or her cat. There are plenty of people around who will gladly donate, but you don't have to be one of them. Look at how much money was raised when the dogs' home in Manchester burnt down.

deraila · 05/10/2014 22:13

another one who'd pretend I hadn't seen it.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/10/2014 23:29

My one response would be

'Srsly?'

Whatdoesaduckdo · 05/10/2014 23:48

I can't understand how the treatment is unaffordable my elderly dog developed diabetes a year ago her insulin costs £23 a bottle which lasts 4 weeks and a further £7 for syringes her food costs £8 a week so all in about £15 a week Hmm

justmuddlingalong · 05/10/2014 23:55

I suggest a tin of Whiskas for the cat...and a tin of Brasso for the friend!

molesbreath · 05/10/2014 23:55

It is distinctly odd...

But I have a school friend who like the OPs friend is single and a cat owner who always remembers each member of my families birthdays and Christmas.

I think in the spirit of things I would donate some money to 'equalise' her outlay on us over the years. It would feel like a ridiculous thing to do though....

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 06/10/2014 00:01

Ridiculous. And very different to the Manchester dogs' home - that is a charity, who were in troube after all... You buy an animal, you're responsible for footing the bills, or having it humanely destroyed if you can't. This isn't the first instance of this I've seen recently either.

noblegiraffe · 06/10/2014 00:03

Is she doing a fun run or anything to raise the money or simply asking for cash?

MidniteScribbler · 06/10/2014 00:08

This seems to be the latest trend. One of the Australian newspapers actually wrote an article about it a few weeks ago. It drives me crazy. I have eight dogs, and would never have that many unless I could afford any treatment they need. I get a lot of requests for 'So-and-so's bitch needed a cs, so let's try and help them out'. No, if you haven't budgeted for a cs then don't breed the bloody litter. It all screams lack of personal responsibility for me. What's that old phrase? Your lack of preparation does not constitute an emergency on my part. Same concept.

Mandyandme · 06/10/2014 00:11

Give her a tip from one who had a diabetic cat. Get the vet to give her a prescripcion for the insulin then get it filled as a private prescription via any human pharmacist. My cats insulin from the vets would have been £57 per vial. The written prescription taken to Boots came out as £27 per vial for exactley the same insulin.

plinkyplonks · 06/10/2014 00:14

Hmm. This really depends on how you judge her character normally - do you think she would take advantage and ask for funding if she didn't really need it?

Operations for pets can cost thousands of pounds. Just because she has no kids, doesn't mean she has no debts or that she has savings to afford this treatment.

So if you think she can actually afford the treatment and you feel she has it in her to ask for money though she doesn't need it, ignore the donation request. TBH if you think that of her, she can't be much of a friend to you, no?

Otherwise, make a donation if you can or find out if there are other ways you can help out.

ButternutBosc · 06/10/2014 00:20

That is odd and quite cheeky. I'd ignore it tbh.

What is she doing to raise the money, is she asking for sponsors?

mimishimmi · 06/10/2014 00:22

The cat is already elderly? Why is she spending thousands on him when it's likely to die soon anyway?

Scholes34 · 07/10/2014 13:31

The mention of the Manchester Dogs' Home was to illustrate the fact that there are plenty of people willing to give plenty of money to anything to do with animals. I wasn't suggesting that the OP's friend was a charitable case.

moraf2 · 07/10/2014 13:40

YANBU! the whole thing is just very odd

MrFMercury · 07/10/2014 13:42

Depends on your relationship. For one friends birthday this year she asked for help towards vets fees. Sadly the cat was ill when rescued so couldn't be insured and despite everything died. I gave her money towards it because I love her, I'd rather give her something she wants for her birthday and we have the sort of relationship where we can talk about money. Donate and wish her an early merry Christmas?

whois · 07/10/2014 13:42

You with have insurance, the ability to cover ongoing medical costs, or you PTS. You don't fundraiser for vet bills FFS.

tabulahrasa · 07/10/2014 13:51

The only circumstances that I'd give money to someone for a pet's vet bills would be if they'd tried to do something nice like taken in a stray to find out it needed expensive treatment.

Otherwise, they're yours you pay for them. I've paid a fortune for vet's bills, even for the insured ones and it is tight sometimes, but they're my responsibility.

I wouldn't ask for donations for my DC's winter coats either Hmm

cherrybombxo · 07/10/2014 13:57

That's bizarre! I had insurance for my dog sorted before I even picked him up from the breeder, it is an absolute necessity when owning pets.

I wouldn't donate to a fund like that. It's poor judgement to buy an animal that you can't afford to pay for.

Topaz25 · 07/10/2014 14:02

It's not the normal thing to do, no but I have compassion for the fact that she must be in a desperate situation, potentially facing the loss of a beloved pet if she doesn't have the money to continue his treatment. Ideally she should have had him insured but she can't change that now.

We were hit with a horrific vets bill a couple of years ago when our beloved dog fell ill unexpectedly on Christmas day, was rushed into emergency surgery and sadly didn't make it. Stupidly, we didn't have insurance as we had adopted her when she was already elderly and didn't think we could afford the high premiums for an older dog. Turns out we couldn't afford not to have it, which is a lesson we've now learned. If my mum hadn't been able to help us out I don't know what would have happened to us. I can understand why someone who doesn't have that immediate family support might reach out to their wider community. You don't have to donate but don't judge.

londonrach · 07/10/2014 14:04

Very strange....and very cheeky

Topaz25 · 07/10/2014 14:06

I am assuming of course that she can't afford the vets bills, rather than just wanting someone else to pay. Even if she has a good job, you don't know her full financial situation, including other debts and obligations. I don't see why someone would put themselves through the humiliation of asking for money in this way if they weren't desperate.

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