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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you'd accept an invite to a hen night if not invited to the wedding?

42 replies

Topaz25 · 05/10/2014 13:41

Not sure how this works as I thought people were generally invited to both or neither but I was sure mumsnet would know the etiquette!

OP posts:

Bulbasaur · 05/10/2014 15:35

I personally wouldn't unless the wedding was small and the bride could only afford to invite so many people.

Otherwise, it just seems tacky to invite someone along just to get cheaper drinks.

DanyStormborn · 05/10/2014 15:42

In normal circumstances no way. But I had one friend who was going to America for her wedding and was only inviting close family, I was glad not to be invited as it would have been very expensive but me and other friends were happy to attend the hen do.

BackforGood · 05/10/2014 17:14

Thing being, I seem to be a bit in a minority on MN, in that I wouldn't be offended even if I were invited to make the numbers up

I've been to all sorts of "dos" in my lifetime where people are trying to increase the "crowd" for one reason or another - I don't see why it's such a bad thing. If I'm not doing anything else on that night, and it's something I might enjoy, then I'll go...better than a night in twiddling your thumbs. However, if I'm already busy or knackered or stony broke or something, then I wouldn't go. As a rule, I'm not that keen on hen nights (obvs., depends what they are), but if it's a sort of night out you'd enjoy, then go, if it's not, then don't.

NinjaPanda34 · 05/10/2014 17:36

I went to my "friends" hen weekend to Edinburgh. Travel, accommodation, paying contributions for her and the best part of £400 later (there were 10 of us) and I was the only one not to get a wedding invite. Rude.

Aridane · 05/10/2014 18:46

Like some others, have been to work friends /colleagues hen nights but not their weddings.

Also wouldn't have a problem with this where wedding is small and family only

ChippingInLatteLover · 05/10/2014 18:52

I love these threads. You can see who the 'glass half full' people are and who the 'glass half empty' people are

If sounded like a good night out I'd go and if it didn't I wouldn't.

It's really not necessary to over think every little thing.

rookiemater · 05/10/2014 19:26

Oh dear I may have done a social faux pas then.

My hen do was a weekend in the Lake District, staying in a very cheap large dorm type place which I picked so even if it wasn't filled I could make up the difference without asking extra from people. It was £50 for two nights including food and booze, although we did go out on the Sat night.

I invited along some work friends who worked in a different location - Lake district is central so easy for most folks to get to, but not to the wedding as I didn't know their partner/family and also I assumed they wouldn't want to trek so far or pay to stay in a hotel and so forth for it. Also weekend was based around walking and they enjoyed walking.

I hope I didn't insult them as I surely didn't mean to.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 05/10/2014 19:38

rookiemater I doubt you insulted them, they made the choice themselves knowing they weren't coming. I've been to work mates hens without going to the wedding but I was once invited 'for the sake of it'. Neither myself or friend was invited to the wedding - we didn't actually really know the bride at all, just on facebook- but we were invited to the hen do and told we'd need to pay an obligatory extra £50 to supplement the bride. No wedding invite, bride didn't even respond to my friends congratulations message.

ALl she wanted was numbers. I unfriended her when she had a fb hissy fit about having 'no true friends' and 'not getting spoilt'.

rookiemater · 05/10/2014 19:44

Phew, I hope I didn't.

I paid for myself, in fact I think I may have paid a little bit more than everyone else for the lodge, I was so keen to avoid having a hen that cost too much money and people couldn't afford, also keen to keep it in the countryside so I couldn't be embarrassed too much in public . Everyone did insist that I get dressed up in hen gear for our meal out to the local pub and they kindly paid for that, luckily there was only about 5 people in the place so it wasn't too humiliating.

I've not been invited to a hen do for ages - I'm more of an age where people are getting divorced rather than married, but if I was invited I'd only go if I wanted to or was extremely close to the bride to be.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/10/2014 19:50

I've been on work hen dos where I wasn't invited to the wedding, and I think in fact I did invite some friends from work to mine who weren't at the wedding too. I'm friendly with a friend's sister and could totally see her saying 'come to my hen', but I wouldn't expect an invite to her wedding as I only know her through her sister, sort of thing. And I'd go in those circumstances, as long as it was just a night out and not a full-on weekend thing. I like nights out and I like meeting new people, why wouldn't I go?

Lucyccfc · 05/10/2014 20:04

Give me the Hen Do/party over a wedding any day. Most weddings are boring.

FionaJT · 05/10/2014 20:43

I've been on one for a work colleague - only her closest friend in the office was invited to the wedding, but she invited a big group of us for the hen do, which was a fairly sedate meal out locally. I hadn't expected a wedding invite and it was nice to have a chance to celebrate with her.

however · 05/10/2014 21:36

No. But I hate hen nights.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 05/10/2014 21:40

Yes, I think it's nice to include your wider circle in the celebrations in some way if they can't all be invited to the wedding. I've been to several of work colleagues in those circumstances.

OwlinaTree · 05/10/2014 21:47

Lots of different scenarios here. I wouldn't go if I felt it was a case of 'good enough to make the bride look popular but not good enough for an invite to the big day'. I might go if, like pps have said, it was a friend of a friend, work colleague or the like, and it was a night out locally.

londonrach · 05/10/2014 22:05

I went out for a meal with my female work colleagues, bridemaid, sister and sisters sil (really good friend of mine too) The last three were the only ones invited to the wedding. My mum had breast cancer and we had a low key wedding of only 40 people. We had amazing meal that day, loads of laughs...

Gennz · 05/10/2014 22:59

Yes I have and I would and I know of lots of hen parties where this is the case. Most recently I went to a friend's younger sister's hen do & wasn't invited to the wedding. We all went to school together & so I have known her since I was about 13, we all lived in London at the same time and socialised together in the same circles although the "primary" friendship is with her older sister iyswim. It was a fab night - chartered a boat to go out on the harbour, beautiful summer evening, we had a fantastic time. Wasn't offended at not making the cut for the wedding at all!

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