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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how often do you look after your niece and nephews

36 replies

chocolatespongebob · 05/10/2014 13:11

I am a sahm and for some reason this equates to free childcare for my niece and nephew.

Its usually most school holidays or whenever the kids have a inset day.

aibu to say no, they seem to think I do nothing all day I have a 2 year old and a 7 year old myself.

What irks me the most is the fact at family events they always bang on how I don't do anything yet when it suits they expect me to drop everything to watch their kids!

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 05/10/2014 13:14

Yanbu, that is totally disrespectful to you. You have your own kids to watch. Do you say anything when it's asked? I think you should speak up because not saying anything comes across as you accepting it.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 05/10/2014 13:16

Whenever needed. Dh and i love having her and she plays so well with my son so its actually easier having her

Babiecakes11 · 05/10/2014 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucyccfc · 05/10/2014 13:20

I have my Nephew once a month for a full weekend, as my sister works shifts. I work full time too but she has never returned the compliment of looking after my DS.

I will be letting her know that her services will be required during the summer holidays next year, so I can cut down on some of my child minding costs. About time she helped me out. To be fair she will probably say yes.

You can either say no or talk about them helping you out in return.

PiperIsOrange · 05/10/2014 13:21

Very rare, emergency situations or when I fancy.

PiperIsOrange · 05/10/2014 13:21

Very rare, emergency situations or when I fancy.

mommy2ash · 05/10/2014 13:21

I used to mind my niece for 60 hours a week till I went though some personal stuff and saw how little my sister was there for me. I put my foot down and stopped being a doormat after that.

trufflesnout · 05/10/2014 13:22

Never

Original poster
chocolatespongebob · 05/10/2014 13:26

I am sick of being taken for a mug, but I know that if I don't watch the kids I probably won't see them anymore.

I only hear from them when they want a favour

OP posts:
PrettyPictures92 · 05/10/2014 13:43

I don't get to see my niece, me and dsis live in different parts of the uk atm but I wouldn't grudge babysitting occassionally if they needed it.

Saying that, my dsis knows how barmy I am so would probably never let me babysit anyway Grin

DaisyFlowerChain · 05/10/2014 13:47

Whenever was needed here too, I'd often have them on my days off if they needed looking after. I can't imagine saying no if I was home anyway, too many people no longer help anybody out and it's quite sad.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 05/10/2014 13:52

My kids auntie and uncle have NEVER looked after them despite living in the same town. They are the type who wouldn't give anyone the drippings off the end of their nose.

BackforGood · 05/10/2014 13:52

Well it's down to you saying that you can't. I mean, generally, if I can help someone out on the odd occasion (I'd include INSET days in that) I will, but that's a very different kettle of fish from providing childcare for the whole of the school holidays, or, for you providing the service to them, but not having the favour returned.

Original poster
chocolatespongebob · 05/10/2014 13:59

I don't feel like its the fact I don't want to help them out, in the beginning I was very happy to, its the fact they always expect it without so much as a thank you.

It is never reciprocated and that's not to say I do favours for favours but it would be nice if they even offered to have my kids over.

OP posts:
Leviticus · 05/10/2014 14:03

Never. I recently offered and was told they'd rather use an after school club.

They must think I'm an excellent mother.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 05/10/2014 14:10

Whenever needed. At least once a month I have them either for a night while they go out for a meal, or they drop them off while they go shopping for a couple of hours. Nephew is the same age as DD, and he just appears whenever he feels like it. DD goes to their house after school when I'm at work reguarly, used to be once a week but now it's slowed down as DD is getting older. We help each other out.

chanie44 · 05/10/2014 14:14

I work full time and I look after mine as and when's sister asks eg during school holidays or when she asks.
We help each other out, as life is so hard anyway, but we never take each other for granted.

If I were a sahm, I would probably say 'I can so xxx days' and that's it, as I want to spend time with my children.

DizzyKipper · 05/10/2014 14:15

Never. Not that we would have refused, we've just never been asked.

musicposy · 05/10/2014 14:15

I have my nephew one night a week and at other times when SIL needs a break. But it's a bit different for me as my own are teens and DNephew a baby, so it's a novelty rather than adding to my childcare burden.

My older nephew who is the same age as DD2 I used to look after regularly as a preschooler. But DSis used to do the same for me, so no one was using anyone else.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 05/10/2014 14:56

YANBU to say No at al OP. At the very least, when they go on about doing nothing I'd say: 'Just as well really or you'd never have free childcare for those inconvenient times would you?'

MrSheen · 05/10/2014 15:05

I have 3 BIL/SILs. We all have dcs under 10

Family 1 live far away so are out of the equation
Family 2 and I do a lot of childcare for each other at weekends and holidays but we live over an hour apart. I do more of it but they have fewer kids. It probably works out quite fairly.
Family 3 - I can see their house from my front door and we have never looked after each others dcs. I have begged asked and they've said no. They have never asked, even in an emergency (i.e. pg SIL had to go to hospital late at night and they woke their sleeping 2yo and took him rather than asking DH or I (or MIL) to crash at their house and on several occasions when SIL hasn't been well, BIL has come home from work to look after the toddler, rather than ask me, even though they know I'm in (car on drive). They don't appear to hate us. Personally I think it's a bit batshit.)

Groovee · 05/10/2014 15:07

My dh's side, once in 12 years we have been trusted with their eldest.

My youngest 2 nieces, I had a lot when they were 0-4 as I was old enough and had my own house, the rest of them no as I was a child when they were born.

Muskey · 05/10/2014 15:07

YANBU my niece has lived with me for four years because her and my sister really don't get on. The fact that I am supporting my niece financially seems to be oblivious to my sister. What makes me mad is that my sister is really pissed off with me for taking my niece in. Don't get me wrong I love my niece like she is my own child but sometimes I feel that my sister has her cake and eats it. If there are days when you don't want your niece and nephew be brave enough to say so

Flyawaylittlebutterfly · 05/10/2014 15:16

I've babysat twice, once when they were out for the night and bils mother couldn't do it, another time when there was an emergency. In fairness, I live far away from them so wouldn't be a first call!!!

Say no, people only take the piss if you allow them.

Fabulous46 · 05/10/2014 15:34

When the kids were small we all mucked in and helped each other out with childcare. I have 4, one sister had 3, the other sister had 5 and my brother had 4. It could get pretty hectic at school holiday time as I was the only one off for all the school holidays so normally had someone's kids here. They often babysat for me to go out for an evening or weekends away and picked my kids up from school. The kids are all still very close even although they're al grown up themselves now.