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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that my life might have been quite different if Mumsnet had been around 20 years ago?

15 replies

AGirlNamedBob · 05/10/2014 09:09

Specifically the Relationships board (have NC for this). I am just thinking about what I might have posted at different points through my 20s and early 30s.

'We've been together for years, can't imagine not being together, but we're not talking much any more, let alone having sex, and he shuts himself in the back room every evening, just sitting on his own staring into the dark. It's like we're strangers, I don't know if there's something wrong with him, with me, or what.'

'We've only just got together and it's incredibly passionate and exciting. He says he's crazy about me, can't stand to be without me. My friends don't like him though, and that's making things really difficult because I'm quite sociable. He says they're snobby and my male friends are all after me and let's move abroad (he's got a job offer) where it can be just us.'

'He's from a different culture to me and his parents don't know we're in a relationship.I don't even know if i want it to be serious yet, but he's constantly talking about how they expect him to have an arranged marriage and how they wouldn't approve of me for this or that reason. And he never stays over at the weekend, or invites me to things as his GF, so I feel as if I am an OW or something - though he's definitely not married.'

'He's a lot older than me, and I'm not really 'into' him, but I enjoy his company and I feel like there's probably not a perfect match out there for me anyway, so is it so bad to settle for this?'

For the record, I did work it out eventually, and have been married to lovely DH for nearly 10 years, with 3 DC. I just think I could have saved myself a lot of time and angst by recognising the non-uniqueness of my situation and seeing what was actually going on. I know I'd probably have got annoyed at the responses and flounced. But maybe some of them would have filtered through and I'd have cut the strings sooner rather than letting things play out to the slow, painful end each time.

OP posts:
BellsUpMyNose · 05/10/2014 18:35

i know my life would of been a hell of a lot different now if mn had been around 30 years ago because i know mn would of gave me the strengh and confidence to walk in to a police station and report the bastard abuseing me

AGirlNamedBob · 05/10/2014 21:23

I'm sorry to hear that Bells. Are you safe now?

OP posts:
arabella1984 · 05/10/2014 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AGirlNamedBob · 05/10/2014 21:28

Arabella, that sounds awful. Have you considered reporting it now?

OP posts:
arabella1984 · 05/10/2014 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arabella1984 · 05/10/2014 21:40

Church bells were chiming quarter hours, to be precise.

arabella1984 · 05/10/2014 21:52

Yanbu

onceinagoldenmoon · 05/10/2014 22:10

Arabella sorry to hear that! and i hope u've had RL support? How is life now?

I totally agree with u Bob i sometimes wish i'd seen things for what they were but having said that, things always seem clearer in hindsight - back then i couldn't see the wood for the trees! I now see it all as a lesson learned etc etc but some experiences are obviously better left in oblivion.

arabella1984 · 05/10/2014 22:44

I've never mentioned it to a soul in rl. I just endured it. I had plenty of time to think about it at the time.

longjane · 05/10/2014 22:46

Yes I wish it was around when my kids where small as I think I might have PND so got help for it.
And I might have seen earlier what crap relationship I was in.

arabella1984 · 05/10/2014 22:47

It was 2006.

seanbonbon · 05/10/2014 23:37

Arabella, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You sound so strong. I'm also sorry you felt you couldn't tell anyone - 8 yrs is no time at all & it's never too late to talk to someone. I hope you're well & happy now ThanksThanks

arabella1984 · 05/10/2014 23:53

As soon as I realised what I was going through I resolved to block it out.

AGirlNamedBob · 06/10/2014 09:38

Arabella, you poor thing. Just awful. If it helps at all to talk about it, MNers are always around. I don't want to push you to do anything that isn' helpful for you, but maybe starting a thread about it would be good for getting some support that doesn't push you into doing anything you're not ready for in RL?

OP posts:
arabella1984 · 06/10/2014 15:31

I really wish mn had existed when I was doing night feeds.
I have retrospective jealousy for mums now.
Thanks, Bob.

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