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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little disappointed in "family"

20 replies

WeeClype · 04/10/2014 21:37

Its my Dd's 16th birthday today, my brother put a card thru the door yesterday, my sister handed in a present and cards from my mum. Today no-one from my family has phoned to wish her happy birthday, only a text and fb post from my sister.

MIL didn't visit with her card until 8.30 as that's when she was "passing" our house, even then it was a quick 4 min chat. BIL posted a card thru 2 mins ago.

I just feel kinda shit that we don't have a close loving tight knit family that others seem to have.

OP posts:
professornangnang · 04/10/2014 21:39

I mean this in a nice way but I think you're being a little oversensitive!

pictish · 04/10/2014 21:40

Spunds close and tight knit to me! What were you hoping for?

Fabulous46 · 04/10/2014 21:44

My family isn't close. A lot of other families aren't close either so you're not alone. I only see one of my sisters regularly and can't remember the last time I saw my brothers (it's been well over a year). We rarely see MIL and only see BIL's/SIL's at weddings and funerals. We have a lot of friends that are closer than family.

cozietoesie · 04/10/2014 21:47

In my own family all that would be regarded as positively effusive. They were all thinking about her birthday anyway.

Snapespotions · 04/10/2014 21:47

Well, they have sent cards and/or presents, your DSis has texted and MIL dropped round.

What were you expecting? Maybe if you wanted more of a fuss, you should have invited them round for cake or something. I would assume most 16yos would be celebrating with friends anyway.

WooWooOwl · 04/10/2014 21:55

Sounds nice to me! Have you actually invited these family members to celebrate with you or tried to organise anything, or are they just supposed to automatically know that making sure your dd has a card on her birthday isn't enough for you?

Original poster
WeeClype · 04/10/2014 21:55

I know I'm being over sensitive, maybe im feeling old Grin

I just look at my own back at my own childhood where I grew up seeing cousins/grans/aunties each week and my 4DC's don't even know who their gran/grandad/cousins are Sad on my side.

OP posts:
SweetsForMySweet · 04/10/2014 21:57

YANBU but they're not going to change so once you can count on them when you really need them, I'd let it go. We can't choose our families but we can choose our friends so surround yourself with wonderful and kind friends and it makes up a little when your families let you down.

Happy Sweet 16 to your dd, I hope she has a lovely birthday Smile Cake Brew

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 04/10/2014 22:03

Unless you'd arranged a get together I think you are being a little bit unreasonable.

My family is similar really. I THINK we're all close but in reality I don't see my sisters much at all and they don't live far away. We don't eat together unless it's christmas.

This year my Mum is invited to my older sister's house and I feel oddly dissapointed that we're not all having a big family get together...other families seem to do that!

We always have separate days with Mum going wherever.

I could arrange a big do I suppose...maybe you should do that next time?

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 04/10/2014 22:03

Wee my dds don't see their cousins and Aunts much either. :( I wish they did.

hiddenhome · 04/10/2014 22:13

YABU my mother and my brother (and his horrible wife) are too nasty to have any contact with my kids. They've never even met the youngest one. Family on my side are a bunch of shits.

I don't know what you're complaining about tbh. Count your blessings.

greeneggsandjam · 04/10/2014 22:17

I think that's pretty good going. On my birthday I didn't get a single card from any relative.

vdbfamily · 04/10/2014 22:34

I would consider myself to have a close family but birthdays are very hit and miss in that sometimes my kids might get a card with a fiver in and sometimes they get nothing. My parents always send a card and money but my 3 brothers don't always remember. I don't have a problem with this.We are a big family with lots of kids so it can get very expensive.We don't go overboard on birthdays and my DH and I sometimes don't even get each other cards/gifts.

AtlanticDrift · 04/10/2014 22:37

Why not phone, say we are having cake. Call for a slice and a cuppa. No fuss, job done.

StepDoor · 04/10/2014 23:06

I think they've made the effort by remembering first of all, and sending card/present.

If you wanted to celebrate you should have called them round for cake.

BackforGood · 04/10/2014 23:14

Did you invite them all round for a celebratory lunch / tea?

If not, then that sounds pretty good to me - everyone remembered and went to the trouble of acknowledging it in some way. Not really sure what else you are after Confused

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 04/10/2014 23:33

Yes if you wanted a fuss you should have actually thrown a party and invited them all over. Sometimes you have to make a bit of an effort. You can't wait for people to run to you, it's a two way thing.

Scrumbled · 05/10/2014 00:48

It sounds lovely to have grown up seeing your grandparents and cousins so often. It sounds unusual to me, not in a bad way :) we live in the same town as some of my inlaws and my children are good friends with some of their cousins. Still cards and presents are a bit hit and miss - but we'd do anything for each other. On my side of the family we're even worse with cards and pressies, it's not important in how we communicate.

It could be that they didn't think a 16 year old would want family fuss? If they weren't given an invitation they may have thought the teen wouldn't have wanted it. They've remembered and made the effort to deliver something.

spidey66 · 05/10/2014 02:00

Did your sister refuse to pay your daughter's school fees? Only your writing style is just like the ''poster'' who complained about it.

spidey66 · 05/10/2014 02:04

Just did a quick search and I was wrong. Sorry weeclype.

As you were.

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