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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contemplate private education for DS?

26 replies

SolidGoldBrass · 04/10/2014 15:18

He's just started year 5 so we have a good 18 months before we really need to start worrying about it. But the local fee-paying school had an open day today so I thought I would go along and have a nosey round.
And it was a really lovely school. I think he would be happy there.

I have no money, but his paternal grandparents have said, more than once, that they would be prepared to pay school fees for him. I have always been of the opinion that it might be better to put the money aside till he goes to university - or takes up training for a non-academic future or whatever.

I went to a fee-paying school myself, though obviously that was not a decision I had much of a say in. It was OK. But that was more than 30 years ago and I'm aware THings Have Changed.

OP posts:
amyhamster · 04/10/2014 15:21

Oh I definitely would
As long as they are able to pay for hidden expenses too though
Uniform trips etc

If I were you I'd snap it up !

Tanaqui · 04/10/2014 15:22

What is your state option like? What will private offer that state does not? (Not just small classes, but sports, duke of Edinburgh, extra languages?)Will it be till GcSE or till a level?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/10/2014 15:26

Have you had a look round your state options? You need to make sure you're comparing apples with apples, not apples with imaginary pears, iyswim.

Would there be enough money for the extras? Would it affect your relationship with them? FWIW I tend to agree with you in terms of paying for university, etc - that's certainly not going to get any cheaper in the next few years! I suppose the very hard-headed business approach would be to think 'what is paying for this level of education going to give DS, as opposed to what will DS paying for his next level of education give him.'

StillSquirrelling · 04/10/2014 15:26

I'd dearly love my kids to go to private school - we have some excellent ones nearby - but since DS popped up unexpectedly, meaning we'd have three kids to fund, it's unlikely that we will be able to afford it any more. If a fond relative offered to pay, we'd jump at the chance. We could definitely afford the extras - it's just the fees for three kids that would cripple us.

I'd say go for it :)

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/10/2014 15:28

Oh and if they've 'always said' but you've never entertained the idea, might be worth checking the money/offer is still there and not spent on a cruise as well as how much it really is - they may have very little idea of how much fees really entail. Unless they're proper loaded Wink

Original poster
SolidGoldBrass · 04/10/2014 15:29

State options round here are varied. Quite a few in special measures, and a lot of academies (we live in Greater London). The private school is big, with its own swimming pool, own theatre, and it seems hugely diverse. They appear to cater for very clever, science-minded kids (school trip to see the fucking Hadron Collider), musical kids (they send the school orchestra to perform at the Royal Opera House), sporty kids (some former pupils have played hockey or rugby at national level). The head gave a talk emphasising how it's all about the individual child, not just exams, not just sports -he went on at some length about how they like the kids to enjoy sport even if they are crap at it.

And I managed to chat to some of the pupils (not like it's a great hardship for me to chat to teenage boys, fnarr, etc) and I was impressed by how nice they were and how they genuinely seemed to like their school.

OP posts:
PillForgettingIdiot · 04/10/2014 15:30

For me it would depend on the fees. If they are reasonable, I'd be ok with it. I couldn't possibly take Eton/Harrow/Westminster fees from my parents, it feels to much.

What feels ok price-wise to you and your parents is all relative though. Whats too much for me might not be for others.

Original poster
SolidGoldBrass · 04/10/2014 15:31

Bloody hell I was expecting to be ripped to bits!

OP posts:
NerfHerder · 04/10/2014 15:35

I was rather surprised to see you as the OP... but I'd not be ripping you to shreds Smile

I cannot believe he's Y5 already, tbh!

(sorry- not a helpful contribution there. But London schools, being what they are...)

PillForgettingIdiot · 04/10/2014 15:37

Can I ask about subsequent children? Is he an only? Only needing the same (or at least the option) for future DC might change the situation.

specialmagiclady · 04/10/2014 15:39

I second a look at the local state options. Went to our local comp yesterday: lots of talk of the individual child, lots of sport, amazing language options, D of E, drama. Plus great results from a very non-selective intake.

I like the idea of saving your (or your in laws) money for uni because you actually can't get that for free whereas up to A Levels can be got for nothing.

HamishBamish · 04/10/2014 15:40

If the offer still stands I would definitely take them up on it. Grandparents paying for school fees is very common, much more than you would think. We don't get anything from GP's towards fees, but I can think of at least 5 children in DS1's class alone who do.

I would want to know the details though. How long will they help for and to what extent? What would happen if they were to pass away before he completely his schooling? Would money be left in the will to cover the remaining fees? If something untoward were to happen, could you afford it yourself?

HamishBamish · 04/10/2014 15:41

Also, yes do look very carefully at the state options. Private doesn't necessarily mean better, although in a lot of cases it does if your local schools aren't great.

Mumzy · 04/10/2014 15:42

I would make sure the grandparents know fees are £15k+ a year and will rise with inflation and could they support that for the whole 7 years of secondary education? you need to know Do they already have this amount of money saved or assets that can be released for school fees. I would not accept their offer if they were in any way vague about where the money was coming from I would add £1.5k per year on top of that for uniform, lunch, travel, trips but I would expect to fund that myself.

AChickenCalledKorma · 04/10/2014 15:45

If he's just started year 5, you really don't have 18 months to think about it. Unless London is wildly different from Surrey (which I doubt), the deadline for state options will be this time next year, by which time you need to have weighed up all the options and made a decision.

In your position, I would also be going around the local state schools' open days which will also be happening around now. In fact, I'd be doing that even without the grandparents' offer! And then you will be in a position to do a fair comparison.

If you still think the private school is the right option for him, go for it!

Balonz · 04/10/2014 15:52

What are the things that have changed since you went to school OP?
Has your private education helped you in life OP?

Nusalembongan · 04/10/2014 15:54

Wouldn't hesitate tbh.

PancakesAndMapleSyrup · 04/10/2014 16:09

No hesitation AT ALL, go for it!

Seriouslyffs · 04/10/2014 16:25

Is it 11 or 13+ entry?
Is it mixed? If he doesn't have sisters you might want to send him to mixed, and depending on state provision locally that could sway you.
Before you go any further check with the GPS and talk to the school about bursaries.They may have offered a few years back and fees have rocketed. There's also £300+/ term lunch to find and the £400 I spent on uniform when he started (although to be fair I've only topped up with £50 of and trousers since so that's not a yearly cost.)

LadyRabbit · 04/10/2014 16:51

No ripping to bits from me, SGB. It's a no brainer if you ask me, and if the GPs want to do it, lucky you. Greater London is a crap shoot when it comes to state schooling - some fabulous ones that rival private, and some truly shocking ones. Unfortunately, the Greater London catchment areas are bonkers (we live not far from a famously good state school with a catchment area of 175 metres and a house price differential of about £400K - go figure) and I've never met anybody who got their first choice school allocated to them.

Viviennemary · 04/10/2014 16:58

You should take up their offer but make sure it won't leave them hard up. Or even be unable to carry on paying for all the school years.

markhammax · 04/10/2014 18:03

The problem is, I think, if you have no money isn't he going to be in a but of a strange "odd one out" position?

I live in a poor town up North and people don't really send their DCs to private school unless they have a LOT of money round here, though!

amicissimma · 04/10/2014 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fizzymittens · 04/10/2014 18:18

I teach in the private system and there are many pupils who have their fees paid by generous grandparents. It is such a silly myth that all children at private schools come from extremely rich backgrounds and that the less well off will be bullied. Certainly not true where I teach.

It is a wonderful gift to pass on to a grandchild and as long as they can afford it and not leave themselves short (our fees are in excess of £15000 pa but it is a Senior school) I would absolutely take them up on their kind offer.

markhammax · 04/10/2014 18:30

Fizzy, I didn't say he'd be bullied. But round here, only the very well off send their children to private schools (may be different elsewhere obviously.)

I know personally I wouldn't have wanted to feel like all my classmates were richer than me, it would make me feel bad and like I was missing out on stuff. But that's just me. It doesn't mean I think all children below a certain income level who go to private school will be bullied!

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