To confiscate DS2's laptop, XBox, iPad and phone?

[violetsareblue11]

So, last night, I went upstairs to DS2's bedroom to say goodnight, and discovered he was on his laptop, watching none other than Game of Thrones on his laptop, on one of those illegal movie and TV show downloading sites! I was absolutely outraged! He's 11 years old! I then took his laptop, iPad, XBox and mobile phone off him and have hidden them away in the attic. DS2, as predicted, was angry about this and shouted at DH and I, and told us we were being unfair. I don't think we are. I feel like an awful parent for allowing to get away with watching such an inappropriate show (he has managed to watch seasons one and two under mine and DH's nose!) and I'm ridden with guilt now, knowing he's seen sights 11 year old boys shouldn't be seeing. Also feel as though the bond of trust between DS2 and me has been broken. I don't know how to handle it, and how long to hide his tech gear away from him . Has anyone else had to deal with incidents like this? If so, what did you do? And most importantly, AIBU? I don't want it to ever happen again! Thank for any advice in advance!

My 11 year old ds doesn't have any of those gadgets. I must be the meanest mother in the western world.

Nanny0gg yes, we have Norton Security installed on the laptop, which it says shields against viruses and spyware. One less thing for the BIL to do tomorrow ??

The main thing is the making sure ds accesses the net in public part of home...but even then I worry about what can appear...he was making a Pokémon comic and I got v nervous ?? as don't want to have to fit beside him all the time...

I think it was totally unacceptable for your ds to shout at you both after being
suitably punished by the removal of the technology. He knew he was disobeying your house rules, so he should learn to accept consequences.
I personally would be just as angry about the shouting as viewing the GOT show.
As far as keeping his items from him, I think this should be decided at the time and stuck to unswervingly, not just vaguely threatened without a time-limit. For example, "You will get these back in X days, because you disobeyed our rules about using them.)
Children are best managed with firm and clearly-expressed boundaries/consequences; YANBU at all, but so stick to your guns over this.
(And have a talk later about respectful behaviour to his parents etc)

Was he disobeying the house rules?

How clear had you been that watching TV on it wasn't permitted?

I think I'll take this thread down now, don't really want it being reanimated in six months time and getting chastised again! Thanks all!

^^ that's not how MN works. If you only want things around for a short time you post in chat or in 30 days. Not AIBU then get the thread pulled. IF you ask MN really, really nicely they MIGHT do it for you, but don't assume it's a given, because it's really not.

I think you should be breathing a huge sigh of relief it was only GOT tbh.

I don't think that's a lot of technology these days, but I would make it a family rule that it's used downstairs only (apart from xbox) and get some controls in place.

I'm going to sound massively smug and sanctimonious, but mine didn't have 'technology' in their bedrooms till they were 16 and we bought them laptops. Even then we had a massive chat about how their dad is the licence holder and would be responsible for any illegal downloads etc. I think people don't always think of that - it's not just the child that's at risk.

DD1 took GOT out the school library at 13 (librarian, so she just helps herself from the sixth form section)

She was miffed I wouldn't buy her the videos that Christmas as I didn't think it at all suitable for her 10y sister and they do tend to swap DVDs or watch things together. Post watershed things like torch wood and vampire diaries are one thing, they are 15's. 18 rated DVDs are quite another.

I wouldn't go ballistic, but a few words on trust and being sensible and a weekend minus his gadgets seems fair.

Massive over reaction, what are you going to do if he does something really naughty?

The trouble with controls (apart from them being imperfect) is one day you have to loosen them.

Do you do that at 11,13,14 or 16 and when you loosen them how incredibly stupid will your teen be.

DD2 has had a lap top since she was six, she's now 13 and I doubt she's ever watched anything more dubious than touchwood and Russel Howard's good News (because I hate it and won't have it on down stairs).

DD1 (now 16) has undoubtably watched bits of GOT, science mean mum didn't buy them, but anything to violet I'm certain she'd turn off.

A lot of what she watches is science and history and DD2 Dance Moms (do not down load it!) and gymnastics blogs.

I'd also take his browsing history with a pinch of salt. It's highly likely that he knows how to delete elements of it that he doesn't want you to see. Sorry to say this, but you owe it to your dcs to wise up about technology and the Internet. You can't always rely on your bil.