To have expected more than an eye-roll from DH

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I suffer from depression & anxiety, am seeing a therapist and on ADs. I've had an incredibly stressful week, had a migraine yesterday & basically feel like crap.

DH was fussing about what to do today & I basically said I just wanted to go back to bed & cry. He just rolled his eyes at me. AIBU to expect a little bit more sympathy from him?

He sounds very unsupportive. Is he always like this?

Is this his day off work? Maybe he was looking forward to spending some time with you and is expressing disappointment badly?

It really depends, sometimes yes but other times no. But the eye roll & no comment at all is a whole new level of rubbish-ness.

I'd expect more sympathy-my dh is similar, little sympathy for my morning sickness but if he has a cold it's all doom & gloom & can't do anything.

You should talk to him about this though & hope you feel better soon x

Depression is a tough one really, because as awful as it is for the person who has it, it also affects the people they live with.

I'm not making excuses for him, but sometimes it's hard to remember how difficult it can be for DPs/family members too.

I do sympathise. I don't know if your expectations are too high for him today because he has needs of his own that he's struggling with!

I hope you two can have a nice day today.

I don't know, it's tough. I've had depression and while DP was very supportive, I know it was hard for him too. It's not easy to support someone who doesn't feel like they're capable of doing anything but lie in bed and feel sorry for themselves.

It sounds like he's probably struggling to support you. Yes, he shouldn't have eye-rolled at you but people do forget how hard it is to support someone with a mental illness 24/7.

Agree with worra and googoo. Depression is one of those illnesses that saps the energy of everyone in its orbit. I'm sorry you're feeling shitty.

I'm sorry you're struggling with poor health and that your DH's response was less than supportive. I've been there myself (a lot of therapy, ADs, unable to get out of bed) and know how terrible this illness can feel.

However, I also have a huge amount of sympathy for your DH. Living with someone with depression is tough, joyless even. Yes, he was unsupportive with the eye rolling. Is he usually this unsupportive or is it a one-off? But given you have the capacity to post about the event and how you're feeling, do you think you could also have the capacity to expressed yourself differently when it comes to your feelings of wanting to stay in bed/feeling like crying?

Do you feel your treatment is working? If not could it be time for a review?

Yanbu to want him to support you but I do think you need to consider how it affects people around you as well.
I agree with worra as well.

I accept that it's difficult for him too, but it's made more difficult because he is one of the least empathic people I know. But I guess we're all human & do the wrong thing at times.

It's just, he's never made me feel like an inconvenience before .

I haven't gone to bed & cried by the way, I'm just really tired & tiredness makes us all feel like crying doesn't it?

Agree with Worra. I'm sorry you're struggling OP. Living with someone with depression and the constant need to support is also bloody hard.

I'd have rolled my eyes as well. If you're tired and need to go back to bed, then there are better ways of expressing that. He's trying to plan the day and you clearly don't want to be part of it. I'd be hurt by that if I was him.

He seems to be supportive by planning on doing something - it will probably be better for your mental health than staying in bed crying.

While you have my sympathy, I feel a bit sorry for your husband too as I think it can be hard on people who don't get depression. He probably just wants to do normal stuff as a couple.

It's just, he's never made me feel like an inconvenience before

Do you not think you've made him feel like an inconvenience?

Its very hard to be around people with depression, cut him a bit of slack. Try to get out today, even if juat to the supermarket to pick something nice for tea. Also book gp for Monday . Big old hug x

I already have plans to get out today (for us all not just me) but he was talking about doing something different. I accept it's hard for him, it's hard for all of us.

I know it's hard, OP. I've been there.

I think maybe your DH felt a bit hurt that you would rather cry in bed than make the effort to do something as a family. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it DOES make things better if you make the effort to get out and do things. Most therapists/GP's will reccomend trying to leave the house everyday, even if it's just to the shops or for a 20 minute walk. Sunshine, fresh air and exercise help the symptoms a lot, even if they don't cure it.

Perhaps you need to think about this in the wider context. Is he generally supportive? If so, it sounds more like frustration than meanness to me.

As others have said, while we all have sympathy with anyone who has mental health problems, I also have sympathy with you husband- living with someone who suffers from depression and anxiety can take it's toll too. If he is generally supportive, I would give cut him some slack.

Maybe he needed some time thinking about his needs/wants and feels you are being unsupportive of him? It can work both ways. Have you thought about how you treat him?

As hard as it is, the best thing is to try to keep going. Retreating into bed and crying is only going to make everything seem so much worse. Hope you feel better soon.