To be pissed off at MIL?

[cheekymonk]

Hi there. Dh and I have been married 12 years. I knew that he was suspected of having Autism when younger but both dh and Mil clearly didn't want to talk about it so have left it. Ds aged 3 has severe speech delay and I wanted to get her tested for asd. In talking to mil tonight she tells me dh was diagnosed with mild autism and a specific speech disorder!!! Dh looked surprised when I asked so was clearly news to him :(if I had known this I would have pushed harder for ds sooner

Some people think that if they ignore a problem they can overcome it. They're not wrong to think that. Your MIL made the choice for her family and it was hers to make

They are wrong to think it because it won't happen. And MIL had no right to withhold the information from her son especially not when he hit an age where he had understanding and beyond.

Catgotyourbrain contact the professionals' secretaries and say you weren't on the ball at the assessment and realised that you have some more accurate information that needs to be included in the assessment, then ask them the best way for that to be done.

Thanks blanklook i spoke to them and am hoping for a call back early this week

Some people think that if they ignore a problem they can overcome it. They're not wrong to think that.
Yeah, ASDs just disappear if you ignore them.
Your MIL made the choice for her family and it was hers to make
Actually, at the point at which her son reached his majority, it was no longer her choice, what she has done is controlling and very wrong.

this isn't a life threatening condition nor is it likely to pose one later on.

Are you an expert on ASDs and their co-morbids? I suspect not.

Anything can become 'life threatening' indicated along with something else. In and of itself, autism is not, as far as I am aware. Some conditions are life-threatening in their own right.

OP's husband, the one who is actually affected by his condition, doesn't think this is a big deal. It was his mother's choice to make and perhaps his symptoms as a child were mild/not particularly obvious and she chose not to speak up about it. Some people do not like or apply labels. Others need them.

Cat... I don't mean to dismiss your annoyance, you can feel as you want about this but just bear in mind that times have changed. There is far more knowledge about conditions that just wasn't around years ago. In addition, there is now no stigma whereas there certainly was when your MIL was a mum of a young child. She would have done what she thought was best; possibly it wasn't the right thing to do but it was her choice to make. It must have been a worrying time back then... the support that is available now is relatively new.

There is stigma now, I feel it and I have always thought I wouldn't- well, not so much stigma as a lack of understanding when it comes to children's differences. When you have a child the same age and YOUR child does as he's told it can be hard to see that another persons childl can't do as he's told and can't be expected to 'just not touch' something.

Also for what it's worth I have a very close relative who worked in the field from the early 70s onward. I can remember the conversations about autism, ADHD and the like (even though they called them 'maladjusted children' then ) and there were people who understood it around. On the other hand at the very same time my own DP was being branded remedial and having his left hand tied behind his back so he could be right handed (and his parents were letting them do it)

Go figure...
It's the dissonance of knowledge even now that's galling, even I have delayed getting reffered for fear of having it on his records.

Even without the co-morbids a child with ASD can unwittingly put themselves in life threatening situations, and trust me, they do.