AIBU to not have Informed daughters dad she is in hospital.

[Mummytosurvivor25]

Background : daughter was born extremely sick and knee from being pregnant , he never turned up to one scan.
We moved to London for daughters treatment and for her to be born here , he left when she was still on life support at 2 weeks old.
He then called social on me ( nothing came from it )
He then turned to drugs and got sectioned for 7 days before this time he had lied about it coming to visit daughter once a month in nicu and once when she was home and he couldn't even pick her up.
Daughter has complex needs , complex heart desease , lung desease and gastro problems.
Lung hyploplasia and pulmonary hypertension.
Any way daughter is 9 months today, he hasn't seen her since she was 5 months and only has seen her 3 times up to then (2 times he visited nicu , one time at my home )
He refuses to pay for her because I sit on my arse all day scrounging of the government ( I'm her full time carer ) she is home ventilated , tube fed etc.
Once when she was going for surgery I had contacted him at 8 am to ring me ASAP he only rang me at 10 pm because I sent him a sarcastic text which he abused me for but never asked how daughter was.
He has moved in with who used to be his "best friend" and her 2 boys , one being a day older than daughter.
Anyway on Saturday night daughter fell ill and was blue lighted to hospital and she was going I. To heart failure ( waiting until she is stable for heart surgery hopefully Monday ) anyway I haven't heard from in ages and it didn't even cross my kind to ring him tbh I forgot !!
Anyway someone told him she was in and he rang me shouting abuse etc I'm front of his mates and sounds like there I'm the pub ?
He then never offered to come

Omg!!

Fuck him off, i wouldnt engage in any further contact with him ever!

You dont need the stress

My question would have to be 'Why did you answer his call?'. And no - I wouldn't have anything further to do with him. Ever.

He sounds like one of those people who will blame you when you do, and will blame you when you don't. Don't and block him.

He is a selfish knob. He just wanted to have a go at you.

Your DD, getting her safe to hospital and looking after her is a million times more important than an uninterested until he can put you down twat.

No I wouldn't have called him either.

I would have no further contact with him either other than via email.

I would email him and explain that I have no intention of contacting him again or answeribg his calls dye to the abuse thus evening

Sorry your daughter is struggling, fingers crossed for Monday.

I am conflicted on what you should do about her Dad. From what you say, he is an idiot who doesn't deserve to be in her life. However, I think to protect yourself in future, for any claims he might try to make in whatever context, you should protect yourself by making sure you send him a message if something like this happens again. Just a text, after all, he's unlikely to come running. But also, just maybe, he should know if his daughter is seriously ill, just in case he does want to see her?

Yep, ignore him. Go to the Csa and force him to pay as well.

Change your number or "lose" your phone :)

Oh hope your ds gets better soon.

Poor you and your little girl, hope she improves soon. Sounds like you have both been amazingly strong.

I have no wise words I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run. I don't think you were unreasonable at all, in a stressful situation like that people even forget/ don't have time to inform the nearest family sometimes. Don't give that pathetic excuse for a dad a second thought. I struggle to understand how people can be so selfish, and fail to realise what a gift a child is.

I'm sure wise mumsnetters will be along shortly with good advice in the meantime

Thankyou that's made me feel a little better x

Sod him. Hope your baby is ok!

You poor thing. You look after your beautiful girl and don't spare another second thinking about this plonker.

Of course YANBU. Block his calls/texts, you don't need his nonsense right now.

Best of wishes for your sweet daughter this weekend and for Monday.

Don't give him another thought.

Sending good wishes to you and your daughter.

Don't speak to him.
If you feel he needs to know anything ask a nurse to call him.
You do not have to communicate with him directly.
Don't be alone with him. Tell. Nurses that he has been aggressive and abusive.

From the title, I was fully prepared to tell you wbur, then I read the thread and learnt he's a feckless piece of shit.

No, he doesn't deserve to know. I would say to him since he has shown no interest in his daughter ever, you assumed he wouldn't be interested now.

Feckin arse.

Hope you and your daughter are ok.

Like fuck would he come any where near MY child in your situation.

You and your dd do not need a horrible agressive shitty father in your lives. Change your number, inform medical staff of his abuse of you and go to the csa. Wishing your dd all the best for monday and very big unmumsnetty hugs to you OP. Do you have any friends or family around?

Yanbu. Just because someone parents a child doesn't make them a parent in the sense of being someone they need in their life.

In general yes it's a lovely idea that every child will have two loving parents. But life doesn't work like that DS father is nowhere near as bad as your ex but when he didn't bother to make contact when he was critically ill at 8 weeks old I made the decision I wasn't putting any more effort in with my ex - DS was better without him and 4 years on he still in.

No dont tell him. You dont need the stress and he not going to help your daughter. Just concentrate on your dd. good luck for monday x