Re keeping things secret from DC?

[popmimiboo]

DC are 14, 12 and 8.

Situation 1: DH has 3 brothers but they are not at all close. No bad feelings or anything, they just live far apart and none ever think of phoning or visiting each other. They are always happy to see each other on family occasions. Now, one BIL lives abroad. He has 2 kids who are in their early 20s. We rarely see them (5 years since I saw BIL and 8 years since I saw the DNs.) My DC (and their other cousins have no relationship with them but know their names and always count them when talking about family.)
DN has been arrested for manslaughter following a fight. He's in prison awaiting trial. I haven't mentioned it to DC.

Situation 2: A good family friend has just made a suicide attempt. My DC like her a lot. We usually see her and her DH and DD every couple of months. I've told them that she is very stressed and sad at the moment and they haven't asked for more details.

So, AIBU to not tell them about their cousin and this friend or am I right to think they have no need to worry about prison, manslaughter and suicide at their age?
If you think IABU, how would you handle the situation?

I would be careful. Regarding the DN , Imight consider telling the eldest, maybe even the middle child. Certainly not the youngest, but....... would either of these tell someone else or ( horror) boast about it at school?(Mine would have at that age)
Regarding your friend, it is her private life and not really suitable to discuss with anyone, especially a child.

I wouldn't mention it to dc. If it's abroad it's not likely to be on our TV news or in our newspapers. How much social media contact do your older dc have with the rest of the family, it could slip out that way.

If that's all sorted, then I'd not mention it until after a trial has taken place and there's a verdict.

Gosh no, they would be mortified and wouldn't tell anyone about their cousin. I really wouldn't want to only tell the oldest and then ask him not to tell his sisters though.

Situation 1. We are a really open family. I'd tell them. I appreciate that's not how all families work though.

Situation 2. Not sure I'd disclose that (yet). What you've said is fine for now.

Just saw your last post. I wouldn't ask one of your DC to keep a secret from the others.

Oh sorry, misread - I agree!

Good point. My eldest is in touch with his other cousins on social media sites but not the two abroad. As far as I know, the other cousins don't know either with the exception of one who is also early 20s but she is upset and ashamed (she had had a decent relationship with abroad cousins when they were all very young and spent holidays together.) She's a law student really not the type to broadcast anything so should be safe.

You're not keeping it a secret, you're just not telling them at the moment. It's not like they're asking loads of questions about the people concerned and you're avoiding answering/lying.
I wouldn't tell them. Maybe you will in the future, you can decide then.

No why would you.

It's not their business is it?

Bad news that doesn't really affect you or yours shouldn't be spread.

if cousin ends up with a custodial sentence I would tell them then, otherwise it could become one of those awful family secrets where everyone knows except a few who feel resentful.

bad news that doesn't really affect you or yours shouldn't be spread

I agree but I'm also worried that

otherwise it could become one of those awful family secret...

I would be inclined to tell them when I judge it to be appropriate. We dont have secrets and lies in my home and I would prefer that I tell them in gentle language they understand rather than have them here rumour from elsewhere. They only need to know that your friend is ill and that their couson has been accused of something wrong.