to mention this broken toy to my SIL?

[mummytowillow]

I get that toys get broken etc but I'm a bit naffed off with my niece.

She has played with a new doll that my DD recently had for her birthday, I know this as I saw her with it. They are both 7.

I've just found the doll with its legs snapped off hidden behind our shoe basket in the hall.

She had gone quiet and sulky earlier and I asked what was wrong and she couldn't look at me.

I've asked DD and she is adamant it wasn't her. Thing is if anything of nieces is even used she literally goes hysterical and is not a good sharer.

I'm not fussed about the doll, it's a Barbie so can be replaced. It's the lying and hiding it and then sulking when I would just have said 'oh dear, accidents happen'.

So do I have a quiet word with SIL or forget it?

Forget it.

Forget it.

Yep forget it

Forget it.

Snapped off with force? If you think it might have been done deliberately and with malice because there is some kind of issue between the kids, I think I would mention it, actually. Not so much because of the doll (although that's not entirely insignificant, they don't come free), but because something might be going on emotionally with her and her mum should know.

I don't think you should forget it. Niece shouodn't get away with lying. I think you should mention it as if it was my child i would want to know so i could punish them accordingly. If they were 3 i wouldn't mention it but 7 is old enough to know better.

My brother once broke a very expensive guitar in two when he was at mine once. He was 9.

He went quiet and whingy and begged to go home and then I found it.

I rang my mum, asked to talk to my brother, I told him I wasn't going to tell mum but that I wouldn't have even been angry if he broke something by accident, but that I was upset about him running off and not telling me.

He said sorry and I said that it was fine as long as he always just told me the truth and that accidents happen and that I never get cross about accidents.

Never told my mum because she isn't very nice and her terrible temper is probably why he was scared to tell the truth.

How will sil react? If she's an explainer or minimiser forget it, you'll just end up with dn having the bad behaviour reinforced. If she'll talk to dn, dock pocket money or even just apologise then let her know.

She'll do nothing, they never confront awful behaviour as they can't stand the crying that comes with it.

So it would probably be a waste of breath telling her.

I look after her once a week after school, I'm going to leave it on the table next week, not say anything and see what happens. As my DD will ask her about it, and I guarantee niece will turn on the tears!

You don't like niece much eh.

My Dd had a friend like that. EVERY time DD had something new, this girl would play roughly with them on purpose. It was pure jealousy even though this kid had EVERYTHING. In the end I stopped allowing her to play with new things. I told her Mother too.

Well... Next time your neice is at your house, just have a gentle word about looking after other people's belongings and telling if there has been an accident.

Between then and now, might be worth having a bit of a think why you are so negative about a 7 year old child who is your family.

I don't see any negativity . I'd be pissed off with any child, including my own, if I thought they were breaking other people's belongings and looking to conceal the fact. Perfectly normal, I'd have thought.

Finola that last sentence was quite patronising.
Not all children are likeable even if they are family. In this case it's the fault of the parents who are doing the niece a massive disservice by avoiding discipline.

For what it's worth OP it doesn't sound like you hate your niece, you just didn't do the ridiculous "she's a lovely girl... " explanation / justification first.

Next time she visits, tell her you found a broken doll and understand accidents happen but need to be told about it. Don't accuse just ask if she knows anything about it.

That'll probably be enough.

I would mention it to the girl too - no way would I let it go if I suspected someone had deliberately broken something of my child's

Why am I being negative?

She broke a new toy, hid it and didn't say anything!

We both get on fine with each other, I just wasn't sure if it should go unnoticed?

A Barbie is a good quality toy and not easy to breal, plus 7yo isn't a toddler. I am certain it was not an accident.

7yo is old enough to know better. I would find a way to make the point/make it known.

Not all children are likeable/loveable even if they are family.

I think that if you feel the need to discuss it with her, just do so next time she comes over. I think you could raise it with her mother first though.

I wouldn't leave it on the table to "make a point" or to "see if she notices" and admits to having broken it or to see if your daughter asks her challenges her about it because:
a) I don't think it's your daughter's place to discipline/chastise her cousin and b) That is not a terribly nice way to deal with it- it's a bit, well, mean in my opinion. Just leaving it out may well just make her on edge/worried the entire time she is there (if she is responsible for breaking it). Just talk to her and tell her you wouldn't have minded an accident, but it's not ok not to say what's happened.

Also, I know you've said you're daughter is adamant she didn't do it, and your niece's behaviour does suggest guilt- but are you 1005 sure it was her?

that should be 100% sure