To wonder why their kids keep crying at 4am!!

[PinkSnowAndStars]

I live in a flat. Not ideal but heyho.

Don't hear anything during the day, but every single night the kids in another flat seem to scream between 1am - 3am then again at 4am! It's driving me and my DH utterly mad to the point we don't know what to do as we can't speak to the neighbour about it! Kids are 2.5 & 1.5 and it's been constant for the last 2 years!! We have a 34month old and we've never had this problem.

Just don't know how to keep ignoring it much longer!

I know iabu as they are only kids but AiBu to just want them to try and keep their kids quiet?

I sympathise. If it has been going on for years, then that is ridiculous.

YANBU.

We have a 34month old

You have a 3 year old, dear.

I can't believe that posters actually care how the OP referred to the ages of the kids. How very petty of them

Of course it is. Noise does really get you down. We all need to feel like our home is our little bubble. I get that.

but given that it is 99% probable that this is something that they can't help at all, what's the point being angry with them? They aren't doing it to you and I promise you that it's so much harder from where they are, no matter what the reason turns out to be.

But yes, it's hard to hear other people's noise. So what can you do to reduce it? Is some soundproofing a realistic option for you? Anything else that can muffle it a bit? white noise? Having a word with the management company about soundproofing?

Dia... My baby isn't 3 yet!!!

Uh oh, which county do you live in?....

Wait until your baby is 15!

That reminds me of a woman I met in a shopping centre when mine were toddlers. We got talking (she said how cute my kids were. Always a winner with me ) Then she said "I've got a baby, he's 42* now"

Still makes me laugh.
They're our babies no matter how old they are.

*It's been years and I can't remember the actual age, but it was a middle aged number

For God's sake, Mumsnet drives me demented sometimes!!

The stock response to any complaint is to berate the OP in an infuriatingly passive aggressive, contrary way at the moment.

OP you have my utmost, sincere sympathy.

We used to live next door to noisy neighbours (nighttime music) and it all but brought us to our knees. We were both ill with the anxiety and anticipation of another disturbed night's sleep. It's horrible.

Every one of you on this thread would suffer like OP living with this night after night.

OP knows she can't really do anything much and is venting.

Yes awful for the kids if they are suffering night terrors or general separation issuess but wow would my sympathy vanish quickly after just two or three nights of this.

OP

Get really good earplugs and one of those flashy light alarm thingies for your DC. Put a large bookshelf against the party wall and fill with books. Maybe consider moving if it's an option. We moved once partly because of screaming child noise next door, so I sympathise, but it seems very unlikely your neighbours can do anything about this, so you'll have to.

YoYo: it's more that the kids in the other flat are 1.5 and 2.5, but the OP's (PFB I'd guess) is 34 months.

And making jokes about that is surely better than telling her she's being unreasonable. Especially when she knows she's unreasonable.

I expect its getting the people in the flat actually with the screaming toddlers down rather more than it is you

Children screaming in the night isn't really comparable to your bog standard inconsiderate noisy neighbours. Mostly because, as others have pointed out, no one in the other flat is enjoying the night wakings any more than you. Probably quite a lot less.

Ear plugs are your friend. You can get really good ones these days.

YANBU to find it irritating and exhausting and to vent on here.

YABU to assume the neighbours aren't trying to do anything about it.

YWBU to say anything. They probably feel guilty enough as it is.

If your child is a perfect sleeper, thank your lucky stars and get some earplugs. A 3 year old 34 month old can come and get you if she really needs you.

I'm a 443 month old with a 45 month old baby. He wakes up every night crying and I am tearing my hair out over what to do about him, I have called the HV about it. I also live in a flat and worry about my very nice neighbours and apologise profusely whenever I see them. They say it doesn't matter though as they understand.

from your description it sounds like they are left to cry. My son had night terrors but it doesn't last anything near one hour! (But I appreciate some children may have it worse!)

If I felt it was some incredibly ineffective "sleep training", I'd be tempted to say something. But you never know, it may well be some real problem or special needs and then saying something would be a bad idea...

(Not helpful)

I'm going to start referring to myself as 12,415 because it makes me sound like a creature of myth or legend.

Some children do this. My DS was up at 3am at 3.5 years and he just couldn't understand it wasn't play time.

I had to play hard ball, and send him back to bed for him too scream it out. It happens and there was nothing I could do, except get up with him and allow him to play from 3am

Wow, it's unbelievable how rude some people on here are. Get over the age thing. She was trying to give relative ages of all the children she mentioned. She obviously doesn't know the exact age in months of her neighbours' children and she was saying that her own DC is almost 3. Let it rest now!

OP - sleep deprivation is horrible so I feel your pain. I feel like you would get a lot more sympathy from people in RL than you are on Mumsnet!

Unless the flats are big enough that there is a possibility that your neighbours could re-jig bedrooms so the crying children are further away from you (in which case you should speak to the neighbours), then I think your only options are to move, or wear ear plugs, and/or use a white noise machine or fan, or put up some kind of sound proofing.

Good luck! x

Hi. So I'm your neighbour, or at least I am to our neighbours. DS wakes the same hours, screaming. We're in a terraced house and I can hear them wake and put on the radio. It makes me want to cry that we're putting someone else through this too. Because it's awful. We go to work on maybe 3/4 hours sleep. We try everything. Today the health visitor urged me to try controlled crying. But how can I? I'm sorry it's tough for you but try and have some frigging empathy. Be pleased you have a content little toddler and big the bigger person here. It's really unlikely that they need your advice. Be kind, if you can manage that.

Agree backbystealth. Start playing loud, bassy music to cover it up OP

It's very sweet that so many posters are so certain that the crying children's parents can't possibly do anything else at all to help their screaming children. I would have thought that a child/children crying for three hours a night for TWO YEARS is quite extreme.

What if the parents are actually neglectful parents and the children are not being cared for properly?

If the children had been crying for 2 years without any attempt to calm/pacify them they wouldn't still be crying they would have given up :(

I really feel for all of you with children that cry. They aren't big flats. we don't hear a peep from the other neighbours with kids. It just seems unfair on the parents to get management agency involved.

My DD is 3 and she wakes repeatedly in the night screaming and crying and will only settle for me not dp or any other family. So I haven't slept more than a few hours in a row for over 3 years. I basically get no deep sleep at all. We've tried everything including camhs. I feel sorry for my neighbours (and they are lovely and pretend they can't hear her when i frequently feel the need to apologise over the garden fence) but my own mental health is at breaking point. I guess what I'm saying is that your post depresses me. we can never have another dc due to the risk of them waking each other up and my relationship with my partner and my dd as well as whats left of my career is just fucking awful because of the limited sleep we all get.

I hope your neighbours find a solution and you find yourself able to be kind to them even if you don't feel it.

for SuperMumTum, it's bloody tough isn't it? I'm in a similar position in that I'm a LP but, this has its upside as it means I get one night a week of unbroken sleep when DS goes to his dad's. My neighbours are also so lovely and say they understand or he doesn't wake them. I feel so guilty. Have you heard of confusional arousals? I'm pretty sure that's what DS has.