Our family has had a dreadful few years. It started with my 27 year old sister being told she had terminal lung cancer (misdiagnosed as she actually had stage 4 Hodgkins). We nearly lost her a few times but she has now been in remission for 5 years. Last xmas my grandad was diagnosed with sarcoma and had to have his leg amputated. We had a nightmare coping with that and then a few months after he got home from the hospital my nan was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. She died of a stroke a month later. In between all that I have had infertility and 4 miscarriages, given birth to 2 babies with awful reflux and now have a 2 year old and a 7 month old.
I gave up my job when my sister was diagnosed to help look after her and am now a stay at home mum as luckily my husband can support us.
Some nights (and it is usually nights) I cry myself to sleep. All my thoughts are about cancer. I have read every research article and BMJ article that has been published in the last 5 years. I suppose I think knowledge is power. I think that I am going to get cancer soon and die, leaving my children with no mother. I worry that my children will get cancer. This makes me a very over anxious mother. I do my best to hide it from the children but know that this will be difficult as they get older. Both my children still sleep on breathing monitors and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to take them away.
I try not to watch the news or read newspapers as anything sad can set me off in tears these days. Then, perversely, I will accidentally see a headline on the Internet or a post on Mumsnet about cancer or losing a child and I have to read it, knowing that I shall then be thinking about it for weeks.
I have posted before about my anxiety over my 2 year old starting nursery.
I don't want to go on medication so I'm unsure about going to the doctors. I am also comfort eating at the moment which I know will increase my risk of getting cancer but I just can't break the cycle.