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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I might need help

10 replies

OlderMummy1 · 02/10/2014 18:09

Our family has had a dreadful few years. It started with my 27 year old sister being told she had terminal lung cancer (misdiagnosed as she actually had stage 4 Hodgkins). We nearly lost her a few times but she has now been in remission for 5 years. Last xmas my grandad was diagnosed with sarcoma and had to have his leg amputated. We had a nightmare coping with that and then a few months after he got home from the hospital my nan was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. She died of a stroke a month later. In between all that I have had infertility and 4 miscarriages, given birth to 2 babies with awful reflux and now have a 2 year old and a 7 month old.

I gave up my job when my sister was diagnosed to help look after her and am now a stay at home mum as luckily my husband can support us.

Some nights (and it is usually nights) I cry myself to sleep. All my thoughts are about cancer. I have read every research article and BMJ article that has been published in the last 5 years. I suppose I think knowledge is power. I think that I am going to get cancer soon and die, leaving my children with no mother. I worry that my children will get cancer. This makes me a very over anxious mother. I do my best to hide it from the children but know that this will be difficult as they get older. Both my children still sleep on breathing monitors and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to take them away.

I try not to watch the news or read newspapers as anything sad can set me off in tears these days. Then, perversely, I will accidentally see a headline on the Internet or a post on Mumsnet about cancer or losing a child and I have to read it, knowing that I shall then be thinking about it for weeks.

I have posted before about my anxiety over my 2 year old starting nursery.

I don't want to go on medication so I'm unsure about going to the doctors. I am also comfort eating at the moment which I know will increase my risk of getting cancer but I just can't break the cycle.

OP posts:
Sunflowersareblue · 02/10/2014 18:22

THat sounds a very stressful life. Why don't you want to go on medication? It will help you stop worrying about these things and decrease your anxiety. When you are coping and feeling better, you just come off the medication again. It will honestly make you feel a lot better.

lornathewizzard · 02/10/2014 18:31

Firstly, I'm sorry about all these stressful things that have been happening to you and your family recently.
Medication isn't the only way to deal with this, and in my opinion, probably isn't the answer. Anxiety is very common but obviously varies in how heavily it effects someone. What I would start by doing is read about anxiety - Overcoming Anxiety for Dummies helped me. Understanding the reasons it can happen and the effect it can have is crucial. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is, as I understand it, a very effective way of dealing with this. I managed to 'self help' myself before it got to the need for CBT but I understand it is very very helpful.
If you are comfortable talking to your doctor, then please do, but you just explain to him that you are not keen on medication.

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 02/10/2014 18:35

Sunflowers is right, honestly. Admittedly you might have to try a few different meds but when you and the doctor get it right it makes such a big difference. This time last year I was suicidal and crying more or less every day - antidepressants and CBT on the NHS didn't take my problems away but they gave me the tools I needed to fix them.

amyhamster · 02/10/2014 18:36

I'm so sorry for all you've been through but I really feel you need to go to the GP
You owe it to your dh , your family & most of all your two beautiful children to be the best you can be
If that means accepting help than that's what you have to do
I was a ratty shouty emotional mess of a mum & wife until I finally listened to my dh & went to the gp
Yes I'm on ads but I'm honestly a better mum to my kids
Please think about it Flowers it's like waking up from a fog

fluffyraggies · 02/10/2014 18:38

I posted on your thread about nursery OP. I have no better advice than that which is being already given about your anxiety, but just wanted to send you Flowers I do hope you find a way through this soon, and am sorry for the loss of your nan.
and hope that all the posters who were harsh to you on your other thread telling you to 'get a grip' now feel like shite

ithoughtofitfirst · 02/10/2014 18:40

Sad CBT really really helped me OP, i had counselling. I also have a few of the 'for dummies' books for anxiety and depression which were really helpful. I've managed to come off medication and be stable with all the coping tools i've taught myself. Don't beat yourself up about the way you feel either if you have an anxiety disorder then you can't help it.

OlderMummy1 · 02/10/2014 20:49

Thank you for all your support. I will try and have a talk to DH about how I am feeling

OP posts:
stillstandingatthebusstop · 02/10/2014 21:01

I would recommend CBT too. I was the one who spotted the symptoms of ds3's extremely serious heart condition and then suspected he had autism before anyone else. A year or so after they I spotted the symptoms of diabetes in ds2 and he was diagnosed and very poorly.

I know where you're coming from. For a while I felt like I was standing on the edge of the cliff waiting to fall off and that any symptom I noticed in my dc's or myself would turn out to be something serious and life changing again. It took me ages to go to the Drs. When I did I found cbt which I did on a computer in a local library to be the most helpful thing. I am much less anxious now and more able to spot unhelpful patterns in my thoughts.

stillstandingatthebusstop · 02/10/2014 21:02

. . after that . .

Pixiedust49 · 02/10/2014 21:10

I lost my husband to a terminal illness when he was still in his twenties. I have since remarried and had two children. I worry about them becoming ill all the time. I know it's because of what I went through with my first husband but find it hard to be rational sometimes.

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