to find this irritating and think it's not worth going on this date?

[Delphine31]

Thanks in advance for reading... this is the first time I've started a thread. (Should I be nervous?)

I have been exchanging messages with a chap on an online dating site and we arranged last week to meet up tomorrow evening. From his profile he seems interesting and as though we have quite a bit in common (though I have to admit I've found his emails less inspiring).

We both live in rural locations an hour's drive from each other. Yesterday he suggested meeting 'half way' at a place that is a 40-minute drive for me and a 25-minute drive for him (yes, I am that petty that I looked it up on GoogleMaps). I felt mildly irritated that 'half way' was biased for him, but told myself to stop being so bloody precious. I responded and said, yes, great, the earliest I'll be able to get there is 8pm.

He has responded saying that seeing as we will be eating at this pub and that means I won't need to worry about food before I head out, could we meet earlier than 8pm?

Am I being unreasonable to think that as this is a first date he should be making an effort too, and that might mean that if I've said 8pm is the earliest I can do that he should just go along with that?

He knows I have a long commute (an hour and a half each way) for work whereas he works locally to where he lives.

(I'm not new to dating. This is the first time where I've been irritated before I've even met the guy. I suppose also it's probably the case that if I thought this guy seemed truly promising that I would be more flexible.)

I second always do a call screen ....sorts the wheat from the chaff a little....

I also wouldn't do dinner on first meeting ....I've had to sit through three courses with more than one less than suitable subject

Enjoy your dates

Maybe he knows the pub is nice and does good food which is why he suggested it, though it isn't really half way?

Maybe he was just checking she wasn't adding in time to eat before meeting so checking it couldn't be earlier?

FFS... is it so bad to just ask a question?

Ridiculous.

You are being very petty about the distance thing! 45 minutes versus 20 mins...maybe he couldn't find a suitable venue that was exactly 30 minutes from either of you.

Maybe he thought you would be having dinner at home hence why you couldn't make it till 8 so he was just saying you could get there earlier and have dinner with him.

Do agree a little re distance thing though as maybe nicer venue slightly more his side.

Same as when meet friends they come slightly further over here as all the nice country pubs nearer me.

It wouldn't have been a deal breaker for me, maybe he wanted to see you sooner and spend more time together! Maybe he misunderstood and thought you were eating first so was just checking. I think this is a difference in communication style. His is approximate, whereas yours is precise. If I had been asked to meet somewhere halfway, I would think about 30 minutes from each of us, give or take 10 minutes, so it wouldn't have occurred to me to be annoyed if it was closer to one person but you expected it to be exact. When you said you couldn't be there before 8 you meant to the minute but he thought there was some leeway. It could have been a simple misunderstanding, easily resolved with a quick conversation but at the end of the day, if you don't feel he is worth driving 15 minutes further for or getting to know in person then you did the right thing by cancelling.

BackforGood
^I don't think anything he's suggested is unreasonable.
Presumably, if he's suggesting where you meet, then it makes sense to suggest somewhere he knows will be nice, rather than measuring the distance exactly and then saying we'll meet at this map reference, but then we'll have to try to find somewhere suitable to go?...^
Agree with him about the time too - If it were just a drink, then so be it, but I need my meal a bit before 9pm or whenever you will be eating if you don't arrange to meet until 8pm.

Agree with this. Also at Dione and her no pile.

Hope the next one is a better fit OP - have fun!

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

He suggested the pub because it was somewhere in the middle of us. He hasn't been there before and it doesn't sound as though it's a recommendation.

Rather than the distance thing (which I said in my OP I knew I was being petty), it was the lack of understanding over times. Yes, it may be a misunderstanding but if someone said to me 'the earliest I can make is x' I wouldn't try to haggle them down.

In the end I don't think that my work hours/commute are compatible with dating someone who lives an hour away in the opposite direction to my office who sees 8pm as being too late for dinner. That's not a criticism of him, just a basic incompatibility. Dating won't be much fun if I have to leave work early, race home, try to make myself look decent in 5 minutes and then dash out of the house again.