To feel upset at being excluded

[Quadrophonic]

Short story is I've worked at the same place in the same job for over 20 years, the job is fairly mundane but it's local and fairly good money.

A colleague on a higher grade with a specialised role has sadly recently gone off on what potentially could be very long term sick - may not even return at all. No one really knows what he does as he never shared it with anyone but it is a very necessary part of the company.

Another colleague on the same role and grade as me (who's only been in the company two years and who is determined to get on and step on whoever to get there) has muscled in and taken it upon herself to try and pick up his job despite me offering assistance to our manager. She has managed to make the job hers and is not prepared to share any of the knowledge with me or let me assist in any way. Manager doesn't really care as long as someone is doing it but I would like to understand the role in case the sick colleague doesn't return and his job becomes available.

Team leader in between us and manager finds it all a difficult situation and isn't strong enough to manage the situation and share the work between us. Today, meetings have been arranged by team leader and colleague to work out the elements of the role and how to carry out the extra job. I did tell her I was disappointed that I hadn't been included but she didn't really say much - I think she feels unable to deal with the situation.

Any advice? Should I just suck it up or demand to be included? It sounds so childish of me but I'm sick of this colleague muscling in and making this empire for herself to get on at the expense of others who are keen to develop too.

She who doesn't ask doesn't get!

She did ask! I told the main manager that I would be more than happy to get involved and he said he would arrange a meeting for us all to work it all out. Too late, colleague had taken it all over by the time I'd returned from my rota days off...

What a cah. Demand to be included.

It sounds as if you have two choices here. You either roll over and let her get on with it, or shout as loudly as she has and muscle yourself in. Your manager is clearly not going to act, so make a fuss. Try and do so professionally, but she is clearly hoping you'll let it drop, so don't.

How did this colleague gain so much of knowledge very quick? Tbh I think it's great initiative that she has taken it upon herself to learn this role very quickly instead of waiting around. I know you did ask but in the mean time she was busy getting down into the details while you were waiting.
Is there any chance that it could be shared or is one person enough.

Perhaps set up a meeting yourself to discuss aspects. I find the "please do let me know if I can help with xyz" doesn't work as well as "I wouldn't like to do x y and z and so let's talk about how I will do it".

I think your colleague probably has the direct approach that often gets results in the workplace. Even here you've said you told your manager you'd "be more than happy to get involved". Not direct enough. If you want that job, you have to say "I want that job." Or better still, start doing that job and tell them that's how it's going to be.

At this stage, you can either accept that you missed out, or you can call a meeting with your manager, and explain that you're not happy about being sidelined. If they don't do anything about it, escalate it to their manager.

It does sound to me that your both being competitive over it though. You told the manager you would do it; she got on and did it. Both of you did your own way at trying to get the job.

And if I was the manager, then someone who quietly, and without fuss got on and did it would be a real plus. Someone who says "I'll do it if you tell me what to do" whereas I'd appreciate their enthusiasm, wouldn't be anything like as easy as someone who just goes and does it.

Slightly reminds me of primary school. There were two girls who wanted to move up a group at spelling in the form below me. One girl kept going to the teacher and saying "I want to move up, how can I move up? Will you tell me if I can move up" and the other girl just learnt her spellings and the group above spellings and got both right off her own bat.
The second girl was moved up because she had proved she could do it. The first girl was not happy about this, and complained because the teacher hadn't told her to do that.