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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been there, done that.

31 replies

Stoneysilence · 01/10/2014 16:30

DD is 5 months younger than a friend's dd. My dd is just over 18mo.

Increasingly (or perhaps I'm just noticing it more these days), whenever friends ask me how my dd is getting on, and I say, "oh she's great thanks, she's really enjoying her swimming/colouring/shouting at the moment" (or whatever), my friend will respond "oh that's standard, my dd did that at just the same age" or "oh bless, my dd did that exact same thing".

Perhaps I'm being pfb but It's really getting on my wick, can't my dd just be the subject of her own stories without this woman constantly having to comment on her in the context of her own dd?

OP posts:
ssd · 01/10/2014 16:31

agree thats so annoying, I had this a lot too

Fudgeface123 · 01/10/2014 16:32

OMG, how dare she mention her own child, WTF is wrong with the woman?

News flash, your child isn't the centre of the universe

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/10/2014 16:33

Maybe just respond with "shes doing fine, exactly what your dd will have been doing five months ago"

picnicbasketcase · 01/10/2014 16:35

I think she's probably just relating to what you've told her through her own experience with her child, rather than trying to irritate you by making it sound like your child is nothing special. If you said your DD was doing some colouring in and she said 'what a waste of time, my DC was doing algebra at that stage', you'd be even more Hmm I would think.

OwlCapone · 01/10/2014 16:38

I'm with Fudgeface on this one.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 01/10/2014 16:39

You are being pfb. The earth doesn't revolve around your dd. You need to learn that a conversation about children is just that; about CHILDREN, plural. Not just your child.

minipie · 01/10/2014 16:41

I think she's probably just reminiscing and trying to find common ground between your respective DC.

I've probably made comments like "oh yes, I remember that stage" to friends with slightly younger DC. It's not downplaying their DC's achievement/their experience it's just trying to find common ground.

PastorOfMuppets · 01/10/2014 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pregnantpause · 01/10/2014 16:42

I do that. It's to relate to the conversation, instead if just saying 'oh' - what's more when I had dd 2 who is much harder, I'd love when people in the same boat and a few months ahead would say they'd been there done that- it reassured me. And it's nice for her to reminisce about her dc when younger- do you honestly never see little babies and think 'oh my dd used to be like that' or talk about your own pregnancy experience to pregnant people( not at length- just the oh my dd used to kick my ribs too! Type thing) ? It's nice to remember and relate to the scenario you are discussing. . I'm sure there's no selfish intent to take the limelight from your pfb.

SaucyJack · 01/10/2014 16:44

If she asked you first how your DD is, then yep YANBU. That's annoying.

But if you'd been Facebooking statusing it- or even worse MN Chatting it- then fair play to her. I freely admit wanting to post "Everybody's kid does that- yours isn't special" on the end of PFB boasting posts.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/10/2014 16:47

So let's get this right, you're allowed to be proud and brag about your daughter but your friend isn't allowed to do the same about her daughter. I'm sorry but it's not how the world works. Every mother has her own dcs to be proud off.

RiverTam · 01/10/2014 16:48

the first comment would be a bit annoying. The second is fine.

inloominotnorti · 01/10/2014 16:48

I always say with a gloomy look "He's not doing so well...(dramatic pause) I think we will have to take him out"

Amazing how it cheers up other people Grin

ithoughtofitfirst · 01/10/2014 16:53

Oh fgs

IneedAwittierNickname · 01/10/2014 16:54

I make similar comments when db or sil tell me what dn is doing. Because it's nice to remember what my dc were doing at that age and because that's how I can relate to the conversation.

And I'll admit (possibly being unreasonable myself here) but their constant "ohhh she's so advanced" when she's only doing what my dc did at the same age is tedious.

Original poster
Stoneysilence · 01/10/2014 16:57

Hmmm, I know I'm being pfb but it still gives me the rage.

It's not like it's just occasionally - it's every time I say anything about my dd. And yes, the inference is she's nothing special (meanwhile this friend talks/sends constant bragging emails about how hilarious/clever/good her child is).

How can I cope?! What's the acceptable response to this? I normally sort of sag and say "Oh yes well, your dd is really clever" or something along those lines...

OP posts:
Original poster
Stoneysilence · 01/10/2014 17:00

Yes, just to be clear this is specifically after she's asked me how my daughter is doing...I purposefully don't offer up this kind of detail about my dd precisely because I'm not a show off!

OP posts:
ithoughtofitfirst · 01/10/2014 17:01

Don't let it make you feel like that. Your dd is an awesome individual and you can feel inwardly smug about it... without bragging!

LadyLuck10 · 01/10/2014 17:02

I'm pretty sure she would have the exact same thing to say about you. Let it go. You sound very PFB precious.

Bulbasaur · 01/10/2014 17:05

Next time she brags, just go "Oh good! I'm looking forward to when DD will be able to do that in just a few months! Our DD's are so clever, aren't they?"

Or you could just stop hanging out with her if it really bugs you.

Parenting isn't a competition. I'd just treat it like she's reminiscing and respond accordingly.

Original poster
Stoneysilence · 01/10/2014 17:05

But LadyLuck, she couldn't say the same of me cos I don't do that to her - if she tells a story about her dd, I say "Oh yes that's lovely how clever of your dd" or whatever, I don't link it back to my dd at all.

I probably am pfb (as I've openly admitted), but I don't know if I'm 'very' pfb 'precious', that seems a trifle mean when all I'm doing is asking for opinions on how to deflect this.

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 01/10/2014 17:06

Ahh, well that puts a different spin on it. If she's only asking so she can say 'meh, that's nothing special', then YANBU. Tell her your DD is learning origami and Hungarian.

MrsPiggie · 01/10/2014 17:12

pfb, I'm afraid. That's just how conversations about children go. Parent 1 says "My DS loves drawing", Parent 2 says "Oh, yes, mine loved it at that age as well" or "I wish mine liked drawing, he never showed any interest in it". It's just bringing something to the conversation rather than saying "That's nice". It's only annoying when it gets competitive: "Really, he's only just started drawing? When mine was this age, he had drawings displayed at the Tate"

LadyLuck10 · 01/10/2014 17:13

If you feel it's getting to the point where you need strategies to 'cope' then I would stay best to cut ties with someone who is causing you this much grief.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2014 17:50

I do what your friend does. But only, only to the parents who act like their kid is better than everyone else's. Not that I'm saying you do, I don't know you.