How fucking rude?! About divorce.

[blahblahnamechange]

NC because it's identifying.

I'm in the middle of getting divorced and moving out of STBEx-H's house. I'm also starting a new job. There's no requirement for me to be in work for another few days, but I was told it'd help if I could come in and register for a keycard today. For various moving/divorce-related reasons, I couldn't manage it (the journey there and back takes the best part of a working day). So I rang up to apologize and explain, and the HR woman asked if I was having problems, so I explained I was in the middle of a divorce. Her response was a giggle and 'you're far too young to be divorced, I have your paperwork right here!'

I am 29. We were married four years, which isn't exactly tiny-violin levels of sadness I know, but how fucking rude is that?!

Well... 29 is young to be divorced. I expect her mouth engaged before her brain caught up, happens to us all. Give her a break, I expect you're being slightly over sensitive because lots will be thinking the same thing.

To clarify, I'm not doubting your reasons for divorce but given that the average age for women to marry is 29 (I think) then I would hazard a guess that the average divorce age is older than that.

mam - yes, that's exactly what I should have said. I just didn't think really.

there - yes, I know it's young. I have no issue about that, it was that when I initially heard it, I understood it as her thinking I was lying. I see from this thread it probably wasn't that!

i've had a friend divorce at 28 and a colleague divorced at 30. it may well be below hte average age, but even without knowing the background of these two particular relationships it wouldn't occur to me to pass comment on someone else's circumstances

she may also have thought she was flattering you in some way?

but yes, mouth engaged before brain i expect

I can understand why you felt affronted by the comment. The intention doesn't matter - it was a very personal comment to make.

And my ex-FIL was this sort of person. I was too young to need glasses. I was too young to have back pain and a limp. I now wonder if I was too young to be divorcing his DS at 33

Yes, she was being indiscreet. She was possibly embarrassed so she giggled as she couldn't think what to say next. Her problem not yours, OP. Possibly though from what you've said, the travelling distance is a bigger obstacle to dropping in to your new work place than divorcing. I assume you are moving nearer to your work.

Yes, I'm moving. I would have moved sooner if I'd not had the divorce-related complication, so it made sense as an explanation in my head.

I'm feeling much less ranty now, anyway.

Sensible outcome.

She was a bit rude, but no doubt embarrassed by having such a frank answer from you.

Good luck with your new job by the way!

Oh, thank you!

I'll not make the same mistake again (I hope!), so it's all a learning experience.