to ask if you know of anyone who has been able to work with their DH?

[var123]

and how do they/ you manage not to kill someone?

DH and I have a business together already. It was a miserable, soul destroying, marriage destroying, frustrating, annoying (and lots of other adjectives) experience as we set it up. Eventually, we took separate, non-overlapping responsibilities and then it was just about tolerable.

That business us more or less defunct now (the world has changed) and we need a new source of income. Plan B was to go try to go back to our old careers but we're too old now - late 40s - to be able to get back in (we tried).

Plan C is to set up another business together. TBH I've had to be dragged kicking and screaming to do it. Its not something I have any interest in but even if I was interested in the business, I still would not want to work with DH.

I love him as a husband, and as a couple we function quite well. It used to be really good until we put our marriage under strain by setting up the first business). However, as business partners, our relationship is dire.

He's leading the project, whilst I do as he says. Except even simple stuff -like choosing a font colour, or writing an email - takes hours and causes huge arguments. Literally, every time I do something, he is in the background either in a huff because its not what he wanted me to do (and my priorities are all wrong), or I am doing it wrong, or don't I understand that he's done this already?? Very occasionally, I actually get it right and then he's all smiles and "see you can do it. now why can't you be like that all the time?"

Its driving me mad. So, I do my very best to avoid actually doing any work, but that's a problem as well (obviously).

This morning, he asked me to write a list of outstanding work for a project. I realised that someone hadn't replied to my email about it last week, so I started to draft a simple two line follow up email to enquire about the latest status. I wrote 5 words and DH started to complain that I had mis-expressed the situation. So i deleted it and wrote it again. After two sentences, he was still watching, so i asked if this was ok with him and he said no, it wasn't and I shouldn't be doing this email at all. At that point, i seriously considered smashing my skull into the desk!

I stormed off, calmed down and came back and told him that I just can't work with him. Now he's gone upstairs in a huff.

I can't work with him, but I can't get a job either that will pay anything like what we need to survive.

Set up your own business.

No way could I work with my Oh -as much as I love him.

Go it alone.

I work with DH in our own little contract based business. But there has to be open communication and clear cut duties.

I'm in charge (only at work) and generally work out the details with clients and manage the time card program. He does the work I tell him to. I don't dictate how he does his work, I let the clients express if that's how they want it designed/built/made.

We're both happy with this arrangement, and he is certainly welcome to find his own clients (which he does) and work with them without involving me.

But clear communication is key. You can't drag outside problems into business hours (and vise versa).

Take him up on it.

Perhaps he needs to feel what your withdrawal will mean before he can value your role.

If you cannot have a proper, adult discussion about an issue without it becoming a win/lose thing or turning into a shouting match, then it will never work. He needs to understand this.

One other very important thing if you are working with your partner is to really understand that a professional disagreement is not a personal criticism and has nothing to do with how much you love or are loved.

I say that because it's something I struggled with at first. To not feel personally attacked.

withdraw from the business right now. he wants that, then give it to him. we work together but no way would my DH be allowed to talk to me like this. either its 50/50 with each of you having a different responsibility. or he is taking the lead and giving you things to do without interfering and you can be expected to be treated like any other employee. only share a small bit of the profits?? you are married, its half each matey. This is never ever going to resolve itself amicably so walk away from it. go and do any work that you can locally. be interested but tell him firmly that now he has got what he wanted and if there is work to be done that he doesn't have time to do then he had better hire someone. if you carry on like this you wont have a marriage left.

I have absolutely zero interest in the subject matter of the business. I do, however, enjoy running an office and that's what I focus on. I've built up a decent amount of knowledge of the subject but I wouldn't be sad to leave the industry tomorrow, I really wouldn't.

To me, it sounds like you don't want to work for the business so I'd suggest you don't. If you don't want to be there, you'll project that and it'll be a failure. Equally, it sounds as if your husband needs to show more respect - calling you names, either as your husband or your boss/colleague, is completely uncalled for.

I work in the same company as DH. It's doable because we have very different skill sets and are very strict about not bringing our personal relationship to work or - as far as possible - our work home. It can be difficult when work is stressy or one of us is having a hard time but it can be done.

OP I have to say in your shoes I'd resign immediately. I would not put up with any workplace that treated me like that, whether I was married to my colleague or not. Standing behind you micromanaging your email response style, indeed! Your H sounds like a nightmare to work with and this business will go nowhere if the two of you can't collaborate harmoniously.

I'm sure you will find something else to do.