to not change plans?

[yanniwoo]

Ex-P and I have been seperated 8 years, and have an almost 10 year old DD together. At first his contact was regular and positive, but the last 3 years especially something has happened with him and it's gone down hill, from twice monthly with phonecalls on non-visit weeks, to monthly and the occasional phonecall , to every 6 or so weeks (at least) and no phone contact.

Checking my emails I found one from him telling me that he'd be coming down to see DD this saturday.

We already have plans to go to a local motor museum (DD has a fascination with vintage cars) with my Dad and my DB (who is 10). My Dad and I both have to work weekends occasionally in our jobs, so it's taken some planning to get this trip organised. (In fact we only both have this Saturday off due to me covering a shift for a colleague last month)

Told Ex-P we already had plans, but offered other dates in the next 2 weeks that DD is free and got the rudest email in reply accusing me of keeping DD away from him and that I made contact impossible.

Absolutely fuming, the amount of times I've taken DD up to visit him, welcome him and ex-SIL into my house, fed them etc. DD has a phone specifically for him to call her on so he doesn't have to talk to me...

Fail to see how this is making contact impossible?

AIreallyBsoU to not change our plans? I didn't see the part in the single parent training manual that said resident parents were to sit around waiting for visiting parent to visit as and when it suits!

Nonononono. Stand your ground. What a douchebag.

YANBU. He is being a dick.

Umm...it depends on the date of the email, I think. If he emailed you prior to your booking, YABU - It's not his job to check that you got his email.

If he emailed you after your booking, YANBU - it's not your job to check with him prior to booking something that he's not coming.

SO...when was the email?

Absolutely do not change your plans. Not even slightly.

He stated he was coming down. He didn't ask or check if OP had any plans. He didn't double check. He just decided he was coming and that was it.

Now he is throwing his toys out the the pram after deliberately cutting down his own time with his child from twice a month to every six weeks or so without even bothering to contact his child on her own phone in between.

Doesn't matter when the email is dated he is BU.

lougle My Dad and I booked this 3 weeks ago when I swapped shifts, and his first email was Sunday night and his response to my reply was this morning.

He's quite regularly emailed last minute to say he's visiting, and luckily for him it's usually worked fitted in with our plans (or lack thereof), but this time he's out of luck.

Then it's not convenient for you and you can't change the plans.

I think it is relevant, magoria, because it's the child who is most important, not the parents.

Magoria this is what makes me so irate. HE made the contact less regular. HE never bothers to phone. HE is the one stopping himself seeing DD.

Yet the ONE time I say not right now (not even a no!) I am the evil-bitch-troll-queen-from-hell.

My DF was a single parent to me and siblings when I was young and I've always tried to take a leaf out of his book. As he said, our parents broke up with each other, not us. And even though he doesn't particularly like our mother he never spoke rudely about her to us or tried to stop her seeing us. DD is a savvy kid and probably knows I think her father is a dickhead of epic proportions, but I'd never dream of slagging him off to her or stopping them seeing each other. It's not my decision to make.

Was it technically "his day", contact-wise? i.e. do you still have set days allocated to him and he just misses some (most) of then, or has his contact degenerated to the point it's just ad-hoc arrangements?

Totally get your frustration either way, but he'd have slightly more cause to say YWBU if it was a day that was notionally "his".

lougle have asked DD what she wanted to do, she was the one who was dead set against postponing plans for the museum. Have suggested alternative times for him to visit next week or week after, and don't know what else I'm supposed to do?

ecuse contact has deteriorated to the point of he will email to say he's coming and that is it. This will only be last contact was first week of August and heard nothing since until Sunday. and prior to August it had been Easter.

Fuck him, then, I say