to expect my dp to get a f$"^!&* phone!

[mstumble]

Basically my DP is rubbish with phones, he loses the, they break, etc. But bottom line is, he doesnt really like having one. His argument is why do we need to constantly track each other (people in general not just us as a couple) and people have always managed before. My argument is we have 2 young DCs and what if something happens to one of them and I can't get in touch. Also day to day really annoying, not sure when he is back for tea, can't ask him to pick up milk, etc. I feel silly but it actually makes me so upset and frustrated with him, it puts a big distance between us. AIBU?

Yanbu, but I suppose as long as you have his work number then you can't force him!

Get him one of those phone watches???!

Probably.

Does he have email at work? Internet access at work and home?

If so, a mobile isn't vital at all.

If he isn't worried about eating together, just cook for yourself, and leave hin to it.

Make plans in advance if you need to, and if something comes up, it will be apparent soon enough.

If after all of that, he feels he ought to have a mobile, I'm sure he'll arrange it. If not, that's fine too.

I've not heard of a phone watch. What is it? I refuse to buy him anything anyway as I am not his mother. It's up to him in the end but I can't help but feel alone with the kids and if anything happens to them I'll have to cope by myself.

I don't think you should be so reliant on them, tbh. I get that you like knowing when he'll be home so you can plan things, but he's right - fifteen years ago most people didn't have phones and they just got on with it.

You can't force him to have one if he doesn't want one. My dad never got a phone (I'm only 25 so went to school when phones were just becoming common and popular) and my parents managed. He doesn't need to be contactable 24/7 just because he has a child.

People managed before without a lot of things. That's no reason to not take advantage of things that make life easier.

He doesn't want one because he doesn't want people to be able to get in touch with him. Why is that? If he was out with the kids alone and they broke down or something, what would he do? If he was in the middle of nowhere and needed help, what would he do?

He's being daft. You don't have to be a slave to a phone, but they are useful to have.

It's also a bit weird that he thinks that being able to get hold of someone if you need them is tracking them. He's not got a collection of tin foil hats in the wardrobe, has he?

I found it really annoying when I first realised that my DP hates having a phone so goes days on end without charging it or leaves it at home but I've just learned to live with it. The bloody thing has been lying face down on the sideboard in the living room, totally dead, for a week now.

I just FB message him as he is glued to his macbook all evening.

IMO there is too much expectation these days to be contactable 24/7. Presumably you can contact him at work?

personally I admire anyone who chooses not to have a mobile phone - they're really not a necessity.

Googoodolly: But I have to be in case they are sick at school. He drives a lot for work so doesnt really have a work number. I just think it's unfair and irresponsible.

www.samsung.com/uk/consumer/mobile-devices/wearables/gear/SM-R3800VSABTU

www.apple.com/watch/

you'd need to link it to a phone - which you could keep - but the phone would still buzz etc to let him know you needed to speak to him urgently etc. A bit like an expensive pager!!! Maybe... not entirely sure how they work myself!

Thanks fairylea, maybe santa will bring him one if I don't leave him before hand!

Why? If they're sick and the school can't contact you straight away, they'll look after them until you can. I vividly remember being sick at school and the nurse not being able to contact my mum (who had a phone) or my dad, just through the nature of their jobs.

I managed fine in the sick bay with the nurse until they got hold of them. I know you LIKE the idea of being able to contact him if something goes wrong but in reality you will manage if he's busy or out of contact for whatever reason.

So how does he keep in touch with work? Presumably he phones in from wherever he goes to or something? Could they not contact him in an emergency?

Bear in mind that, in a lot of jobs, people aren't allowed to have phones with them anyway, and/or they have to keep them switched off. Presumably their respective spouses cope with that.

As a matter of interest, how often has it actually happened that there has been a major emergency requiring you to get in touch with him urgently?

Icimoi: never but whilst I was heavily pregnant I was on tenterhooks esp. as no family near by. It's more the stress than the actual chances of something happening. Googoodolly: what if it was a hospital emergency rather than just being sick. If we both have mobiles, there's more chance of one of us being contacted. I just hate that he has abdicated all responsibilty but I don't feel like I can or would want to.

Well, I'd start using it to my advantage.

'Had a lovely doughnut this afternoon, the kids are having theirs now'
'You didn't get me one?!'
'Well I didn't know if you'd want one and I couldn't get hold of you to ask.'
'Of course I would have'
'Oh well never mind'

:)

'I'm going out Saturday, x is having a get together'
'You're letting me know now? I'm doing the childcare?'
'Well they needed to know numbers straight away and I couldn't get hold of you, I wasn't going to say no.'
'Well you should wait and ask me!'

:)

Then:

'Shame I couldn't have spoken to you earlier, X had free tickets to the cinema for x night, but I said no because I couldn't check with you.'
'But your mum would have had the kids! You should have just said yes!'
'Well you said to check with you and I couldn't speak to you til now...'

:)

I don't have a phone, I lost my last one about six months ago and haven't replaced it. It's liberating! I'm not planning to replace it any time soon. If DH wants to get in touch he emails (I work from home), or he might text one of my friends. I am sure if there was an emergency I would find out about it pretty quickly, I'm usually with a friend if I'm not with the DCs, or if I'm on my own I'm not away for long.

Meant to add, give it a month of that approach and I bet you a decent sum he'll suddenly think it best he has a mobile.

In short, instead of making it so that he gets out of doing stuff by being non-contactable, start working it so that he misses out by being non-contactable. Stop arranging it so that he still gets a say, even though it would be easier for you to not have to wait until you can check in with him for all the little things. He wants to be in the thick of it - he gets a mobile.

Haha! Castlemilk that made me laugh out loud! Defo going to try that approach.

remember a phone does not have to be a power-hungry, brick-like, annoying smartphone.

a mobile that makes/receives calls and sends texts fits in a small pocket and needs charging weekly or less.

Would love to do away with my bloody phone and have a husband who doesn't moan when I don't ring him.