To feel annoyed that my DS wont get anything near from his grandfather when my nieces have had over the years?

[hulahoopsilove]

large age gap between my sisters kids and my only one. My neices havent wanted for anything from my DF their grandfather brand new cars, all insured mot'd tax for year upon year, new beds when they moved house, one privately educated, school trips paid for....

Roll on a few years I know my Dad's circumstances have changed he's retired, ill health and house bound but my neices rarely go see him and dont bother.

My DS gets a bit of pocket money every other week off him and wont get any of the above. Mades me angry as theyve had everything and my sister allowed him to carry on doing it all even when they were both working and earning money

Hopefully it will rub off, your DS gets to have his time and that is so much better than any of the above and when your DS is a grandfather himself, it'll shape his relationship with his DGC.

Yabvu your father is no longer in that position anymore. I am sure if you had kids round that time, he would have spoiled them to. You didnt so not much he can do. You do sound a bit greedy tbh.

If your DS doesn't get the same maybe he won't turn out selfish and spoilt like them...

That said I think YANBU, and some PPs have been a bit harsh. You're allowed to feel like this.

Your son should visit/love his grandfather because his grandfather is worth loving/visiting. That's it. It's none of your son's business - or yours, frankly - what your father's relationship is with his other grandchildren.

What is YOUR relationship like with your father and what do you do for him? You've said that his circumstances have changed and that he's been in ill-health... so, what are YOU doing for him as his daughter and what is his grandson doing for him?

Do you really gauge love on the amount of 'head start' your nieces have received from your dad? That's sad. Don't forget - they've also EATEN MANY MORE MEALS THAN YOUR SON too because they were around earlier.

I really hate these grasping posts. Horrible.

I meant to ask, OP - have you spoken with your sister and asked her about visiting/doing stuff for your dad? Presumably you DO spend time with him and visit?

There's 22 years between me and my Uncles eldest and only child. My Grandparents were just in their 40s when I was born and in their late 60s when cousin was born. They have been wonderful grandparents to me and it makes me very sad that my cousin won't have them for as long as I have. So yes, YABVU.

Totally lying, I agree. This is a good lesson in humility, something which your nieces do not have. They will probably look back when your dear dad is no longer here, and wish they had treated him better. You have your father, that is the main thing, enjoy the time you have with him, and value what's important. Yes it's understandable how you feel, but your dad's circumstances have changed, and that's no longer possible.

YABU because it's his money (or was before he spent it)

YANBU because unequal treatment of grandchildren is incredibly hurtful.

Op dident have any chikdren at the time her nieces were being treated like this. Years later her dad's circumstances have changed.

It's one of those luck of the draw things. I know that db had hugely more material stuff than me or dsis did simply because there was more money around, and as we left home, more for him. Irritating thing was he would spend ages moaning about how he had far less than us

I'm about 20 years older than my youngest cousin. I think we did get more material things from my grandparents. But that wasn't because they loved us more, but because they were hugely involved with us, so they saw things that would make our life easier and loved to give. For example, I got a letter from my grandparents my first term at university with money to buy some real coffee and chocolate biscuits. The thought was worth so much more than the money.
With the younger grandchildren, my cousins, my grandparents were that much older and couldn't walk through the woods hand in hand talking in the same way. So they didn't hear the little confidences that we gave (without thought of money) that, looking back, often lead to an offer of helping. Plus they were getting worried about care home fees etc.

I don't feel sad that my cousins missed out on the material things, but I do feel sad that they missed out on the times we had with the grandparents.

And when I'd left home, I didn't phone my grandparents often, but we always had a bond that meant when I went back it was as it had always been.