Aibu to put headphones in to avoid losing my cool

[Itsjustmeagain]

Recently talking to my sister I mentioned that when my dc were babies and cried constantly (reflux) I used to put my headphones in a turn up my music. To clarify I was still hugging and soothing them etc , not ignoring just had my headphones on to drown our the sound a bit!. I do the same now occasionally of one of them is having a tantrum and it's been a really long day - I won't ignore just don't give attention and drown out the noise. We have 5 dc and so a tantrum or two hasn't been uncommon for the last 10 years.

My sister looked horrified as though I was seriously neglecting them as babies - was I??? I was just trying to keep my cool in the face of it.

Aibu to drown out the noise sometimes?

Of course you weren't

Nothing more annoying than a child exercising his lungs when you're doing everything right

As I understand it, we're programmed to respond to babies cries so when they cry it sets off a "stress signal" in our bodies to cause us to act. Of course when babies continue crying for a long time this causes us to become fully anxious and stressed because we're in a stress situation and actually can make people less effective at soothing their babies so headphones or earplugs can actually make you better at parenting.

What a wonderful idea! I wish i had thought of doing that!

Yanbu. Sounds like a great idea.
You are, however, 15 yrs too late. Doesn't work for teenagers

Wished I'd though of it when mine were younger.

A better option is to crank up the hifi.

It drowns the noise - and nothing like a thumping base beat to recreate that womb ambience! You can also dance to it together.

Brilliant idea. Wish I'd thought of it!

My kids are grown up now, but I remember DS's health visitor telling me as a young single parent to close the door and go outside for a coffee and a cigarette and then come back and start again. I'll never forget it, saved my sanity at the time, though not something I could see midwives advocating now
I did quit smoking in the end, but many times I could be found in the garden, mug in hand counting to ten.

How could you be neglecting them if you were still soothing them? I have to say, I don't have kids yet but I have seriously considered this as a coping mechanism when I do. The crying serves to alert you that they need something. When you have already responded and are helping them I think it's fine to block out the continued crying, it stops you getting so stressed you can't help. If your kids are happy who cares what anyone else thinks?

There's quite literally almost nothing whatsoever to be gained from listening to more screams when you're still occupied with the child, can clearly still see perfectly well what state they're in and what's going on, and you're offering all help possible. It's obviously not going to help anything or anyone if you get more stressed out, so anything you can do to keep your calm is a pretty fine idea. Go for it, if it helps.

That sounds like genius to me.

I did the same with mine, (hundreds of years ago) and they're great kids. Saved my sanity on more than one occasion! YANBU. In fact its genius !

I pondered putting cotton wool in my ears when DD was having a colic induced screeching hour in the early months. I would still have rocked/burped/soothed her of course. I didn't in the end. But i should have i think. I get so stressed at loud noise.

I found, with all 4 of mine, that trying to literally drown out the crying, either with loud music or my own singing, just enraged them all the more.

I recon headphones or cotton wool would go unnoticed by them though :)

My brother swears by noise-cancelling headphones for taking away the impact of the crying without ignoring it.

We have a pair of ear defenders in the bathroom for the same reason - nothing more annoying than a baby that screams because he is dirty, then because you lay him down and put a clean nappy on. Also used them during feeds sometimes as he would take 9oz bottle and then scream because it takes two seconds to switch to the next one.
I can't see how a stressed out parent can help in any way.

I have some ear defenders for just this. Saved my sanity many times over.

A better option is to crank up the hifi.

Oh your poor neighbours!

Better hearing the hifi than a screaming baby! Just make sure the windows are shut.

My second son is always more soothed by rock music. :o

I still do that now.

11 and 14 years old, when they've annoyed me enough I shut myself in the kitchen with the ipod for a few minutes while they are arguing/bickering/annoying me or each other.

YANBU - it is entirely possible to be looking after a refluxy baby whilst drowning out the never ending, dear God won't you just stop for 5 minutes sound of the screaming.

As Tim Minchin says in the fabulous 'Lullaby' - my heart says 'I love you' but my brain's saying 'fuck you'.

That's a great idea, better you drown out the noise while soothing the baby rather than getting increasingly upset and not able to cope with it. Wish I'd thought of it a few years ago!!!!