To think DP was a bit of an idiot - and I shouldn't have had to 'discuss it with him first'

[unlucky83]

So DD2 (7) needs to learn to swim - had conversation with DP earlier about how we could both take her on her own so she got to go more.
A few weeks ago he asked me if I thought DD1 (13) was looking a bit fat.
(have to say DP has a skewed perception of 'fat' and he knows he has - up to recently he was extremely skinny without trying, aging means he has a tiny bit of padding and he hates it...)
DD1 is fine - isn't stick thin, has curves but really nothing to worry about, mid range BMI. But her diet is appalling and she does zero exercise - and all she wants to do is spend all the time on her phone/you tube - we talked about how we need to encourage her to do more.

Conversation at dinner table ...talking about what she is doing for Halloween etc. Reminded me another mum had said if DD1 wanted to go swimming after school with her friend, the mum would give them a lift home. And actually as we would be taking DD2 swimming more she could come along too if she wanted to and invite that friend or another one.
DP pipes up 'But she doesn't have to go does she?'

I give him a (discreet) look and say it would nice if she did, she enjoyed going with her friend that time etc. DD1 is saying she doesn't like swimming anymore etc and I'm asking her why. DP chips in again - 'Well she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to, does she? She can stay at home can't she'. If I had been close enough I would have kicked him under the table...manage to steer conversation back to why she doesn't want to go.
After dinner (DDs upstairs) - I said to DP what were you thinking? You were worried about DD1 being fat and you said that?
He said I had told him not to worry, she was fine - so why was I worrying? So I did think she was getting a bit fat?
No she isn't but she will if she isn't careful ...and this is a good excuse to get her to be more active - kill two birds with one stone.
Apparently he isn't an idiot. (I didn't say that directly)
He was only thinking about DD2 going (no - really?)
I should have discussed it with him before so he knew he was supposed to encourage DD1 to come along too .

And he missed the look, so how was he supposed to know?
And now he is pissed off with me because I'm amazed that he thinks I needed to spell it out to him ...FFS
So AIBU? It wasn't my fault he repeatedly said the wrong thing and he should just admit he was being a bit dense not thinking?

He suggested she is getting a bit fat, you say she's fine. A few weeks later, you suggest she goes swimming, and expect him to back you up because she needs the exercise, even though you previously said she was fine.

Mixed signals on your part, I think (from what I understand).

YABU. Some people really aren't good at non-verbal communication. I am one of them, and would probably have either not registered your subtle look, or if I did I wouldn't have a clue what I had said 'wrong'. Not that you can't have spur of he moment conversations, but hints need to be a bit more obvious like 'we were just saying it would be nice if the whole family was more active weren't we, DP?' And hope that jogs his memory of the conversation you had.

Whether she's a bit chubby or not exercise is important for her physical and mental health. He is a burke if he doesn't get that... or did he do it to wind you up?

has curves but really nothing to worry about

So I did think she was getting a bit fat? No she isn't but she will if she isn't careful

So which is it?

Point being...you're contradicting yourself.
I'm sure your dp thinks so too.

you tried killing two birds with one stone he didn't get it next time remember to spell things out for him with charts slogans and practice conversations?

Completely mixed messages from you

And how was he even supposed to remember the conversation that happened a few weeks ago?

Hmmm maid I see that - but then we did also talk about how she needed to do something else than sit around on her phone ...and we've talked about the phone obsession more than once - it is a bit of a 'problem'.
picitish and Worral am I contradicting myself? She is fine at the moment ...but we do need to keep an eye on her....given up all her active activities and eating junk at school, sitting around on her phone all weekend... a recipe for obesity.
Maybe I'm a bit protective - like I said he does have issues with fat.

He has always been worried about her weight - even when she was very young. She always got a bit of a tummy before a growth spurt and he used to worry about that...he once said he would be embarrassed and feel like a failure if he had a fat child . And she is broad - I struggled to get her a first bra a few years ago - her ribs measured 33.5 inch at 11 but you could see her ribs.
DD2 is more like DP - narrow build and never a speck of fat on her ...
And DP is the worst culprit for bring home treats or saying she can have 'second breakfast' (bowl of cereal) 30 min before dinner... or eg this evening we were having lasagne - that's a no/or fruit for pudding day. They asked for chocolate pudding earlier and DP said yes - and I said not today!

Crohnically I get the non-verbal stuff - I can try harder I guess - but the fact that I hadn't answered him directly - surely that would be a hint to not say the same thing again ....feeling tired...

And I don't care if it is mixed messages - like Mrs says going swimming has got to be better for anyone than hanging around the house all day...

Deaky