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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you make friends in a new city?

26 replies

Emz449 · 29/09/2014 20:54

Sorry if this isnt the right place to post this! I've recently moved to a Bristol and I love it, I've just started at a good company and love the job and the area we live in but I am quite lonely. I've moved in with my boyfriend and I'm really happy with him but I work during the week and he works at weekends and a lot of the time I have been hanging around the flat waiting for him to come home, the people I work with are lovely but they live in completely different areas on the outskirts and I don't drive. What would you suggest I do to start meeting new people?

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 29/09/2014 20:57

Look at what's going on at meetup. There's plenty of groups from party groups, to geeky gamer groups. I'd start there. Or join an activity like dance, a gym class, etc...

SpringBreaker · 29/09/2014 20:58

You dont mention children, so if childcare isnt an issue, then get a part time bar work job perhaps. If you pick a small pub that is mainly regulars, you will get to meet new people. This is how I made friends when I first moved from Manchester to London and didnt know anyone at all.

phantomnamechanger · 29/09/2014 20:58

join a club/gym/aerobics/zumba class, go swimming, volunteer somewhere, do something at night school

redexpat · 29/09/2014 21:12

Join the labour party. Worked for me. Or a choir, but more local politics happens at weekends.

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 29/09/2014 21:15

Bristol is an amazing and vibrant city. I really cant imagine that you cant find people to talk to.

Avoid the labour party though.

whois · 29/09/2014 21:15

Sports team, volunteer, join a band/choir if you're musical, other clubs or society's, look for meet ups for people looking to do things etc

Original poster
Emz449 · 29/09/2014 21:21

Thank you for the replies, I might check out meetup, sounds interesting! Its not that i can't find people to talk to, its how to actually do it, I'm quite shy and nervous really so can get a bit anxious with meeting and approaching new people, i suppose it's something i'll have to get over though!

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 29/09/2014 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charitybelle · 29/09/2014 21:49

WI?

Charitybelle · 29/09/2014 21:50

Sorry, I mean women's institute in case my last post was a bit unclear!

ScrambledEggAndToast · 29/09/2014 22:36

I live in Bristol and don't know many people, I could be your friend lol Grin

whois · 29/09/2014 22:44

It will probably take a bit of work and luck moving from 'friendly acquaintance' stage to 'friends' so don't worry if it doesn't happen immediately or in the first place you try.

standingonlego · 29/09/2014 22:47

A fabulous option is parkrun!!!! If you do not like to run, why not be a volunteer :) A great way to meet new people

9am Saturday mornings and lovely friendly folk no matter where you are in the country. I am sure that there will be one in Bristol.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 29/09/2014 22:52

Yes there is a parkrun in Bristol. The Southville running club is brilliant for making friends plus you could try City Socialising.

gamescompendium · 29/09/2014 22:54

Some activities are better than others, e.g. DH did life drawing and pottery at our local arts centre, he made better friends in pottery than in life drawing. But a lot of it is just keep going to a few activities and you'll meet people eventually. I actually think it's harder in cities than towns, I see the same people the whole time in my local town just because it's small so it's easy to build up a friendship gradually. So e.g. the people DH went to the pottery class with know some of the people I went to the camera club with and we all have kids at the same school and go to the same theatre events and everyone I know was at the festival at the weekend.

joanofarchitrave · 29/09/2014 22:54

Start joining things and offering to help. You will soon have a social life you can barely handle Smile though it may take a while before you feel you have made real friends. Friendly people around you is a good start.

mrsrupertpenryjones · 29/09/2014 23:43

I'd second joining the WI, that's what I did and I've met so many lovely people.

I think there is an image in people's heads of what a WI member is - but there are so many different groups it's just about finding the right one for you.

Here's the link to the WI website www.thewi.org.uk/ pop in your post code and WI's near you pop up. If want to know more about a group check out if they have a website or FB page - it really helps you to see what the group are like before you are join.

You're miles away from mine - otherwise I would have said come along- but do check them out!

DogCalledRudis · 30/09/2014 00:18

Volunteer, join a campaign/go to rallies, go to church, get a dog, most important -- get to know your neighbours.
Look around your area for interest groups, classes, sports teams or events.

wobblyweebles · 30/09/2014 02:59

Avon Outdoor Activities Club is good.

Join a book club or volunteer somewhere.

musicalendorphins2 · 30/09/2014 03:02

Get a dog and you will meet a lot of people when you take it out for walks.

AggressiveBunting · 30/09/2014 03:19

I have made 2 international moves before kids, so although it's slightly different, as you have an expat community to tap into, some of the principles are the same. Agree with what most people have suggested - you have to become a joiner. However, even then it will take time to shift people you meet at (e.g.) boot camp into "do you want to go for a glass of wine?" friends. It may never happen, but that's okay, and doesn't reflect on you. Some friends never shift out of category (I have several like this)

Also, if you get invited to anything, even if it's massively inconvenient and sounds crap, go, because people wont ask you twice. DH and I found that for at least the first year of both moves, our evening social circle was pretty thin, but we both had "friends" at the various activities we did which made a big difference. Just having fairly "Hey, how are you. How was your weekend?" conversations made us feel a lot more integrated.

Shizlack · 30/09/2014 05:11

I can't think of anything to add except read MWF Seeking BFF, it's a non fiction book about a woman trying to meet new people.
It was on a list of 20 books to read in your 20s so I gave it a go, however it was so positive and just what I needed as I read it when I moved.
Good luck!

Cheepypeepy · 30/09/2014 05:50

i think you have to do a few things that aren´t what you´d usually do for a while - eg when I moved going to a work go-carting social event - to expand the range of people you meet

and also perhaps for a while you´ll have to include doing things in the week time too even though you are bored at the weekend as more classes etc then

basically what Bunting said . . .

upthedamnwotsit · 30/09/2014 09:56

Meetup is really great. Even in my small city there are regular events for meals, films, games and a whole lot of shared interests. Definitely worth checking out. I know what you mean about getting nervous around new people- maybe look for a meetup that revolves around an activity? It can be a lot easier to chat to people when you're also doing something at the same time, rather than a situation where the conversation is what's holding everything together.

chipshop · 30/09/2014 12:02

I'm a bit reserved and was in your situation two years ago. You just need to find one or two really outgoing people who know everyone. The type who adore making new friends.

I set up a few meetings with potential work contacts (not thinking about friendship) and clicked with one who started inviting me out and introduced me to loads of people. I also made friends with a woman in my gym classes who is a complete social butterfly, she is always up for a drink and a natter.

Get out there, make the effort to chat to everyone and it will happen.

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