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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to work?

18 replies

Sweetpea01 · 29/09/2014 11:52

Okay, rather exagerrated title (bear with me, this is a long one!)

I'm a single mum, two young children of school age. I work a full-time 9-5 job.
Things could be worse.

In general I do enjoy my job, it's pretty hectic but the team I work with are nice. However lately I've begun to really resent working full time and missing out so much of the school stuff, especially with my youngest who has only just started Reception.
By the time I get home school is long finished and I go to work before school starts. Weekends are alternated with their dad, but as silly as it is, I quietly resent him for reducing my time with them (even though he's a nice guy and it is only fair!).

I guess I am just feeling a little down lately with my set up. I'm constantly rushing about and I can feel the years slipping by (been single and FT working for 2 years now) too quickly with my young children.

A part time job would be fantastic, but there doesn't seem to be any available and I'd feel pretty crappy about leaving this one as I only started in April (same company, different role/team).

Do other FT working mums feel this way? I guess I feel disappointed in a way? When we had our children I was a sahm and only ever planned to find part time work, until we suddenly split.

I'm happy with all other aspects of my life bar this one issue

OP posts:

LookingThroughTheFog · 29/09/2014 12:02

Do other FT working mums feel this way?

Yes, I did. I still work more than I'd like to work, but I started doing condensed hours when DS started school (so 2 days a week of not really seeing them at all in exchange for being able to pick up from school the other three days), and then managed to reduce to an 80% contract, working until 3 every day when DD started reception.

It's not just the time, I find (thought that is annoying in itself). I find my job stressful from time to time, and there are days I spend fighting fires all over the place, then I crawl home exhausted, have to do the shopping before the pick up, then homework, talking through issues with friends, cook, clean, organise the next day...

There are occasions when I really feel like something has to give. I can either be a good employee and a just-about-scraping-it mother, or the other way around.

It's true it's not always like that, but there will be days and times where everybody's needs clash, and I find myself wondering who I'm going to let down this week.

I'd like a job where I could drop an entire day (so 60% contract), or I could work from home. But wishing doesn't do much.

Sorry to add a moan! Just, solidarity, sister.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 29/09/2014 12:08

Is a part time job a definite no no then?

littlehayleyc · 29/09/2014 12:18

It's not unreasonable to want to spend more time with your children. Can you request to change/reduce your hours? Even a couple of days a week being able to pick up your children would probably make a big difference. Different situation, but I'm unable to do the school run at the moment due to a broken foot. I feel completely out of touch with what's going on at school! I'm not sure whether you have to be with an employer for a certain amount of time but I thought employers were obligated to give proper consideration to requests for family friendly hours, like term time only, or condensed or part-time hours.

wanderingcloud · 29/09/2014 12:19

I feel exactly the same. My two are only 2.5 and 1.5 and I have days where I feel really down about how little quality time is left for them after work, housework etc. I think part time work would be the ideal choice for a lot of parents but sadly the world of work seems to be geared towards the total opposite! No helpful advice from me. But friendly

Whoopsadazy · 29/09/2014 12:19

Condensed hours definitely helped me but not every job/workplace will allow.

Nothing to add apart form cut corners where you can, plan you leave with military precision to maximise your time with them and remember, everyone is doing some kind of juggling or compromise - we're all just doing out best and everyone wonders have they got it right.

confusedandemployed · 29/09/2014 12:20

I feel like this.

My job is FT and very full-on. I am a general manager and most bucks stop with me. However, I am in the happy position of just having accepted a part-time job, so I'll have much more time at home from November. I'm not single though.

We will be about 1000 per month worse off, but we will make it work because it is best for our family.

I agree that part-time jobs are few and far between (well, ones that pay anywhere near reasonably well are). I got incredibly lucky and I'm not about to forget that.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 29/09/2014 12:23

Yes I do. I work 30 hours enabling me to pick up twice a week which helps. But I definitely would like to be around more, having said that I love my job and worked hard to get my career so I'm not ungrateful for that. I'd just like to work half the week really, that would be ideal!

TryingNotToLaugh · 29/09/2014 12:29

Can you speak to your employers about changing your hours?

I reduced and condensed my hours so I work 8.30-3. I don't have a lunch hour and I regularly take work home.

Is it fair that their dad only has them at weekends? Could he do a weekday too, allowing you to work a long day? Say Thurs to sat or sun to tues?

MrsWinnibago · 29/09/2014 12:50

What do you do OP? Is there any chance of changing jobs? Retraining?

Original poster

Sweetpea01 · 29/09/2014 13:12

It's comforting to hear that others feel the same as I do. I guess that's the lot in life of a working parent

I do often feel I'm only just doing 'okay' in both aspects of my life, because when I'm doing one I'm thinking about the other.

I have been with my employer for two years, it's just the team I've moved and the job role. I work for the local authority in this area so we do have flexible working etc. But the role just isn't suited to it unfortunately as it does require me being here during set times of the day, nor would it be able to be brought down to part-time hours.

I guess in the end I know only I can make the change here, either I try and find a part time job or I have to make do with what I have.

OP posts:

MrsWinnibago · 29/09/2014 13:16

OP my Mum and Dad both worked long full time hours from when I went to school. But I have nothing but happy memories of my childhood. I never felt sad about them not being available when I came home at all....it was just how it was.

I felt loved and had all I needed. You're obviously doing a great job.x

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 29/09/2014 13:16

Would there be any possibility to shorten lunch time so you can finish earlier once or twice a week?

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 29/09/2014 13:19

Plus I no this is slightly of track but are you planning nice things for yourself on your child free weekends?

Iggly · 29/09/2014 13:20

Yanbu

I feel this way and I have a DH. My job is so stressful and adding trying to run a home and keep on top of the kids stuff (one has started school) really hurts my head :(

HappyVintage · 29/09/2014 14:13

Chicken, unfortunately not I have time specific hours during the day. As a team we do try to be leniant with eachother and offer cover, but we are so small and when one of leaves it's quite a burden so it can never be a regular thing.

My personal life is great at the moment, I've started dating my best friend of two years and he's just told me he loves me. So I do have fun and enjoy my free time. I wouldn't feel so guilty about having this spare time away I think if I had more time with my children.

HappyVintage · 29/09/2014 14:14

Sorry, it's me Sweetpea, had a name change :)

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 29/09/2014 14:19

I totally understand. You may find as your DC get older their later bedtimes mean you get more time together in the evenings. Do your DC do lots of after school things or do you try and limit their activities? I know these are not work related things I am asking but more of a lifestyle thing.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 29/09/2014 20:12

Ooh that's funny Vintage I have namechanged too! I was MrsWinnibago.

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