DP and I have been together for 6 years. He has a 9 yo DD, I have an 8 yo DD and we have a 2.5 yo DD together plus I'm 35 weeks pregnant.When I fell pregnant with DD, we had been about to move in together but then his exW moved and caused a lot of hassle with debt and divorce so we had to stay living separately. He sees DD most days, though.
This second pregnancy was an accident but now the divorce and debts are sorted, if felt like a happy one as we ultimately wanted one more DC. He began renting a house nearer to us three months ago, with a view to us moving in once my tenancy is up here - end of October. Obviously with my due date being around the Same time, I planned to be moved beforehand but just pay the final months rent to cover the notice period.
So with my notice due to be handed in this week, nothing has been moved. I can't move things because of complications with the pregnancy, always having toddler with me and not having a key to the house! He says it'll be done and I won't have to worry/lift a finger but I feel moving so close to baby being born is going to be really unsettling for the DC, toddler in particular. He asked what I thought needed doing when he first moved in so I suggested stair gate, shelves, new front door as current one has a broken panel and is drafty/dangerous etc. None of these things have been done.
The final thing that's making me have doubts is this weekend. He has form for leaving everything to do with our DD to me and seeing himself as an entertainer, rather than parent. He's been off Thursday-today. He collected DSD on Thursday after school, after having spent the day doing non moving related things. They then went out for tea and cinema and stayed at his old place, and stayed there again after school on Friday -going bowling and out to eat again.
They came over on Saturday morning with the plan being to go swimming and have a picnic. He had nothing packed for either of them and so expected me to do that with toddler in tow. Get to swimming and toddler does a poo in swim nappy, need a spare coin for the locker which he says he can't remember where he put it so shall we all get out so he can look? (DSD can't swim) I say why don't you just take toddler so the older girls don't have to get cold too? He says ok and stands there, not saying anything to toddler. She wants changing and is getting upset so I say daddy will go change you. She climbs out and he still stands there, staring gormlessly. She is on the verge of tears and getting cold so I say to him: are you going then? He tries to pick DD up and she shouts no (doesn't like being picked up when she's done a poo) so he says: no? Do you want mummy? To which of course she says yes. After shes changed he then goes off to play with the older DC, leaving me with toddler again.
At the picnic, toddler asks DP for crisps first. She is a fussy eater and eats little and we all know if she has crisps first then that'll be all she eats. I'm unloading the picnic from the car and can hear her asking and him ignoring her at least ten times. Cue her on the verge on tears by the time I get there and me having to be the one to tell her no, as usual.
Tonight I asked that he sort toddler while I do homework with DD. I made it clear that she needed a bath and might want supper as she hadn't eaten much today. Ten minutes after I sit down with DD (the first time I've been able to have time with her without toddler in weeks/months) and toddler does a poo. After ten minutes he says to her: shall I change your nappy? She says no. He carries on chasing her around. Another 20 minutes later he says: right, let's change your nappy. She says no. He carries on playing. During playing she slaps him, throws toys, jumps on the sofa etc - he says nothing. Eventually after 40 minutes shes crying because she's getting sore from being dirty so he changed her and she then was upset but refused to be consoled by him - not that he actually tried.
After an hour and it being 7.15 (bedtime for toddler is 7.45) there was still no sign of him sorting supper or bath, toddler had been over to me at least ten times so I suggested she ask daddy to get her something to eat, then take her to the bath. He says to me: what does she want to eat? I say: ask her. She asks for cheese but there isn't any so he says (in front of her) shall I just give her crisps? Obviously she is then upset because I say no and is screaming and distracting DD even more.
He decides to take her out to walk the dog to distract her. She refuses to wear a jacket, socks or shoes so he carries her in just a short sleeved summer dress rather than insist on dressing appropriately. They return 15 mins later and she's crying because she's cold - again, she's handed to me to console.
By now it's 8 pm and toddler is again wandering back to me as DP is just sitting there. I'm working late tomorrow and Tuesday so won't have time to bath her, which DP knows. I remind him that DD needs a bath tonight. He says, in front of her: do you think she'll come with me now she's tired? Cue her saying no mummy etc and crying for me. I apologise to DD, feeling like crying that I can't do anything with her. I bath toddler, having to reprimand hercconstantly because she's still saying no and slapping constantly, while listening to DP and DD sharing a nice time doing homework together.
Toddler is extremely over tired by bedtime and has been up five times. DPs version of 'helping' is sleeping on the sofa. Last weekend he wasn't here and I did homework etc with DD while toddler played and it was harmonious. I just feel like he is a hindrance and I already resent him for getting time alone with the older DC which I don't, which I'm only going to resent more once I've given up my house and job to move only to have an unsettled toddler to deal with alone. AIBU to be having doubts or am I being a control freak and expecting too much?