and I put normal in speech marks because I have no idea what it even is or means. I also realise I'm probably going to come across as quite selfish here but I have had a bad day and feel down.
I have ASD and I hate it. It just upsets me that I'm 23 years old and have always struggled so much in social situations and probably always will. I always blurt out the wrong thing or talk about inappropriate things without realising it. I struggle with how to act in social situations. Because of this I have never really had friends and right now don't have any and I'm just so lonely. I worry that because of my ASD I will never have friends and will struggle forever to fit in.
I also struggle with relationships because of my social difficulties and because of my sensory issues - sex and other intimate contact is just too much for me to handle and I find it just so hard. When I see couples happy together it just makes me sad because I know I'm very unlikely to ever have that. So then I get worried again about always being lonely.
Then there's the nasty comments I get. I was bullied all throughout school and had a lot of nasty comments and people making fun of me in general throughout my childhood and teenage years. You would think people would grow out of this, but no even as an adult people still make fun of me and make nasty comments (both to my face and behind my back) about my quirks. I've been bullied out of several jobs.
I also hate things like too much noise and bright lights so things like nightclubs and parties are out of the question. As that's the kind of thing people my age seem to be into though that just makes it even harder.
I just want to fit in so much but don't know how or even know if I ever will. I just feel so lost and scared and find things too much a lot of the time.
I'm being very silly I know.