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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she BU?

54 replies

Joolsy · 28/09/2014 21:31

OH recently lost his mum who used to babysit for us sometimes. So now we don't have any family nearby to babysit, apart from OH's sister & her 16 y/o son who is very sensible & mature. However every time I ask SIL if he can babysit, the first question she asks is "how much are you gonna pay him?"

I think it's a bloody cheek 'cos he'd probably do it for free as he's such a nice boy, but I'm sure she wouldn't let him. Plus she knows we don't have anyone else we can ask. As they are family I thought they would just help us out & we'd give him a bit of pocket money. At that age I was babysitting my cousin & never got any money - I did it because I liked him! Also DD would be in bed for most of the evening.

I would hire a babysitter but any (rare) nights out that OH and I have are usually quite short notice & I don't want to leave DD with someone I don't know.

OP posts:
my2centsis · 28/09/2014 21:48

This must be a reverse? Your whole post is BU

WendyBloomers · 28/09/2014 21:49

Not sure if childs grandma babysitting is quite the same as a 16 year old lad so not really comparable?

TeaAndALemonTart · 28/09/2014 21:52

Well, you sound lovely.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2014 21:53

I've never had a 16yr old MIL who needs money for Microsoft points and guitar strings....

hoobypickypicky · 28/09/2014 21:55

I genuinely Lol'ed at that, Worra! Grin

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 28/09/2014 21:56

YABU A lot of teenagers make extra pocket money through babysitting. I don't see why him being your nephew makes a difference.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2014 22:00

hooby Grin

KatieKaye · 28/09/2014 22:00

I don't understand your issue here.
Of course you have to pay him. And take him home afterwards. As he's your nephew, I'd get him some snacks and drinks and money for a takeaway to be delivered.
Seems quite reasonable for SIL to ask how much he could earn and then he can decide if he wants to babysit. He might have other plans after all.

formerbabe · 28/09/2014 22:01

You should pay him...he is a teenage boy, I doubt baby sitting is his ideal evening. He would be doing you a favour...it is not like a grandparent babysitting and enjoying spending time with their grandchildren.

2minsofyourtime · 28/09/2014 22:04

So unreasonable, she asks you how much you are going to pay him because she knows you are a tight person who will take advantage of her son, who is probably to obliging to ask.

ithoughtofitfirst · 28/09/2014 22:09

Agree with formerbabe

LittlePeaPod · 28/09/2014 22:19

YABU.. QI think you should pay him..

FryOneFatManic · 28/09/2014 22:38

I paid my cousin's son £20 per night last year for a couple of nights. He's family but he's giving up his time so only fair to pay him.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 28/09/2014 22:53

See I agree it's completely U not to pay a 16year old, but equally I think it would be pretty odd to pay a parent (if they need money, then there's ways to give it with better etiquette) but I'm not sure I can quite see the difference, they're both family who may well enjoy spending time etc.

Andrewofgg · 28/09/2014 23:09

YABU, unless this is a piss-take, and you are lucky to have a reliable relation near enough to do it. My DS used to do the same for some close friends; I never asked what he charged, not my business, but I know it included a small steak and mushroom pie and a Pepsi. Not transport home because it was over the road.

Nanny0gg · 28/09/2014 23:57

...maybe I'm wrong

Yep. Indeed you are.

Why should he do it for free? Wait till your DC are old enough to babysit and see what you think then...

LeftRightCentre · 29/09/2014 00:01

YABU.

AlwaysLurking38 · 29/09/2014 00:06

No she's not being unreasonable, sorry to say it but you are. All she's doing Is looking out for her own son.

ZenNudist · 29/09/2014 00:08

Yabu. Suggest £5-6/hr plus pay for taxi home and round up to nearest sensible amount so 3 h= £20, 4h = £25. Is barely worth leaving the house for £15. If you go out a lot you can get away with cheaper rate as it's worth his while to get more work.

Second you need to have snacks and drinks in. Plus some good tv/DVDs/games.

Really what can you do in return? Why would he do it just cos you are 'family'?

MidniteScribbler · 29/09/2014 00:13

You want a sixteen year old to give up an evening that he could be out with his mates in order to babysit for you, but you don't want to pay him? YABVVVVVVU.

Lweji · 29/09/2014 00:14

I'd never NOT pay him but I assumed as he's family
So, which is it?

Nephews are hardly into "babies", at least not in the same way as MILs.

MIL - the baby is a direct descendant and 1/4 of her DNA.
nephew - the baby is a side relative and 1/8 of his DNA. Plus, he is 16.

If you have rare nights out, you should be able to afford it.

Has your OH ever baby sat for his sister?

NoodleOodle · 29/09/2014 00:19

Wow, just wow! Of course he needs paying. Yabu and his mother probably asked you so directly to stop you from getting any ideas about taking advantage of her darling son, who is safe, mature and reliable enough for you to consider leaving your precious DC with, but not worthy of the same payment as random babysitters out there that you wouldn't even trust to do the job.

Looiloo79 · 29/09/2014 01:29

Of course yabu! You should not expect freebies cos he's family. He's 16 and wanting to earn some cash so you should pay the going rate. Prob 20 quid for the night! I've always paid my eldest daughter for looking after her younger sibling as babysitting doesn't come free even if it's family.

NorthWitch · 29/09/2014 02:58

You wouldn't pay a parent to watch your child because it's assumed they have their own money, working or pension etc. If the parent was cash strapped then you would offer to pay them imo. A 16 year old has no earnings and therefore would appreciate being paid for his services. Even if he was happy to do it for free it would be mean to let him. Your SIL shouldn't have had to ask you what you were paying you should have offered the amount at the outset. YABU.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2014 08:45

Obviously you're being unreasonable but more than that, I found your first few lines really distasteful. Your husbands mother has died, and your major concern appears to be loss of a free babysitter.