What do your 10 yo old boys do after school?

[inmyshoos]

My 10yo ds is worrying me. He is acting like he is depressed. He goes to a tiny school where there are two composite classes. He has always been mature for his age. He does well academically and is sporty but socially I worry because he is just different to his peers. He has always been friends with a boy 2 years his senior but now he has gone to big school I really feel he is mourning the loss of this friend.
Tiny community, tiny school so difficult to find new friends. He does have another friend same age that he plays with at school but i just feel he needs more. Play dates with his pal maybe happen once every couple of weeks but not just spontaneous calling round for each other as live a few miles apart (rural area)
He never wants to do anything, moans about going out with us as a family to things i would have considered a huge treat as a kid, yet once out he does enjoy himself usually.
Is this just normal 10yo boy behaviour?
Aibu to think more company his own age is what he needs? I think he is lonely.

You say he is sporty. Does he belong to any teams outside of school? It may help expand his circle.
10 year olds can be moany. Does he see any joy in anything?

Why don't you try him at scouts / boys brigade, as the emphasis is on making friends and doing fun stuff together rather than a club for a specific activity where the emphasis is on doing well at the activity. Also those type of groups are usually good value for money. My Ds's 10 & 11 went to cubs when younger and where we live now they do boys brigade. They do lots of different fun activities the one they go do is quite sporty and outdoorsy but other groups are different depending on the children and leaders.

My DS never wants to do anything and moans about going out, but enjoys himself when he gets there. He is just something of a homebody, I think.

After school he runs straight to the laptop for permitted hour of gaming, then he just messes about in the house. He does card tricks endlessly , re-reads comics, whittles sticks, climbs over the banisters, takes things apart, finds forgotten treasures in his bedroom, practises faces in the mirror, tries to levitate like Dynamo, and just hangs about, until dinner or piano practice is forced upon him.

Your DS may well be missing his friend, but I don't think his reluctance to do anything is necessarily a symptom of that.

I've just started taking DS to coder dojo at weekends, to try to increase his circle of friends and acquaintances before secondary school, as his two closest friends are likely to go elsewhere.

does your DS do sport outside school as well?

Ha ha at 'does he see joy in anything?'
In short not much!! He does belong to 2 sport clubs but whilst they are both team sports they never extend to playing/hanging out. They play a game then go home. He would also be less than impressed if i tried to organise a 'playdate' but i know he'd love the company.
He is definitely bored.

We go to the park after school as much as possible, DS (nearly 10) plays with his friends there, mostly girls. At home he would always opt for computer games or reading a book. He loves cooking and baking so we do that sometimes, though not easy with two younger children in the house. He goes to Cubs once a week.

He never gets invited to anyone's house, ever. I have had endless children over to ours and he never gets an invite back :(

could you take him and a pal to swimming, or parkour, or another activity?

buy a table tennis table and get him into inviting people to play, perhaps people he know from the sports clubs?

tbh, we live in an urban area, but DS needs 'playdates' arranged, because we are too far to walk from his friends, and he doesn't go out and about alone for spontaneous calling for friends. I think you just have to do it for them until they can go out and meet friends alone.

Thanks for replies.
To answer some questions. Yes he does sports outside school.
He is on his tablet too much at home obsessing over cars or fishing or whatever his current obsession might be! If i take tablet off him he is moaning constantly there is nothing to do. He loves reading but if i find a book he likes he reads it start to finush in a night. I should look for more actually. Probably the library tmrw for me.
He is quite an intense character. Very bright but constantly wants to be busy with things that interest him and meeting his requests are not easy. If i could take him fishing/sailing/ski-ing every minute of his free time then he might be happy but clearly this is not realistic.

Until recently 10 year old ds came home after maybe 10 mins playing in the park opposite school then played on Minecraft etc

Now he's got into football do he goes to football one night a week. The rest he plays FIFA on the x box or sometimes Minecraft linking up with friends (in between me nagging him to do homework/spellings.

Sounds similar to others really. He loves minecraft/survival craft but less obsessed with it than before. He goes through phases of being really into 1 thing. Im like that too so know where he gets it.

brothers or sisters? My ds age 11 plays a lot with his 13 year old brother. Also he goes to rugby club and learns the piano. But he loves playing on the computer and NOT telling me about his day at school.