Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

was i wrong to be upset by this?

41 replies

dancestomyowntune · 27/09/2014 17:57

Please be gentle with me, I am genuinely upset by this and very hormonal it is at the moment.

So, backstory:

I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant with baby #5. Dh' s family have known since we found out at about 4 weeks, and not one of them has said congratulations, or shown ANY interest in the baby. They have very little to do with our other four children and I have come to realise nothing is ever going to change.

Fast forward to today. Dh gets a phone call. Have we sorted a pram out yet? Well, no, as I am only twelve weeks and its a bit early. They have seen a second hand travel system at the market. Dh relays this message to me and I text mil to say "thanks for thinking of us but we will sort a pram out at a later date". Half an hour later mil rings dh, they have bought the travel system.

I tell dh I do not want a pram someone else has chosen without consulting me, I certainly don't want a second hand car seat because you have no way of knowing if it has been in an accident or weakened in some way.

I am made to speak to mil. Who tells me "it's got a carrycot, a pushchair, a car seat a rainforest a cosy toes and a bag. We've bought it now and I don't think we can get our money back". By now I am in tears. I try to explain that whilst I appreciate the gesture the pram is an important, big purchase and something I use on a daily basis. I am not happy to have a pram I haven't even seen.

Now I know they are flagging me off to dh, I'm precious, snobby and ungrateful. Maybe I am but I have been here before. With Dd1, who is now 11, and who they tried to take over everything, eventually making me ill, and then with our wedding, where I compromised on so much that they succeeded in ruining the photos, the cake and I now have none of the photos I actually wanted.

They now have very little to do with our children, even though they walk past our door daily to see their other grandchildren. I am not letting them ruin this pregnancy and my enjoyment of this baby.

Aibu? Wwyd?

Sorry that was really long!

OP posts:

HibiscusIsland · 27/09/2014 20:51

If the pram comes with its own rainforest I think you should accept

Seriously, they sound awful. Will your dp not stand up to them and deal with them so you don't have to?

Original poster

dancestomyowntune · 27/09/2014 20:52

Rain cover! Bloody predictive text!!!!

OP posts:

MrsBigginsPieShop · 27/09/2014 20:55

Yanbu. For a start where are you meant to keep the bloody thing for the next twenty odd weeks?
Tell them to make no further purchases, to take the system back and then ignore them for a bit.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/09/2014 20:56

phantom

How is that normal - to favour your daughter's children over your son's?

They are both your children, their children are equally related to you.

Jill2015 · 27/09/2014 20:57

My ex mil told me she had a pram for me when I was expecting my second.. she had found it in the bushes and was most put out when I declined.

Found in the bushes, I can't stop laughing, sorry.

OP YANBU. They are the ones losing out by not having a relationship with your children. She can sell on the stuff, rain forest and all.
Her problem, not yours.

guineapig2014 · 27/09/2014 21:00

What brand is the travel system bye op? Xx

fuzzpig · 27/09/2014 21:00

Stubborn gits. Take it, seeing as they're insisting on it, put it on Facebook selling groups and use the cash towards a pram you want

Icimoi · 27/09/2014 21:00

Why assume you need a pram anyway? Didn't you have one already for your other children.

Original poster

dancestomyowntune · 27/09/2014 21:06

I have nothing really from my other children (the odd special outfit/christening shawl that was mine), but big things we haven't got. Youngest is five, and we thought she would be the last. I got very bloody though and dh and I decided one more wouldn't hurt!

She has managed to take it back and get her money back. I'm sure my name is mud though . Dh is tip toeing around me because he knows I was upset.

I am very superstitious and don't want a pram taking up valuable room in the house until the baby is actually here. Dd2s pram wasn't't ought until she was a week old!

OP posts:

Original poster

dancestomyowntune · 27/09/2014 21:07

Broody not bloody! Flipping predictive text is driving me mad!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

dancestomyowntune · 27/09/2014 21:08

It was a mothercare one apparently. I wasn't even shown a picture of it so no idea what it was like really.

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 27/09/2014 21:29

phantom How is that normal - to favour your daughter's children over your son's? They are both your children, their children are equally related to you

I did not say favour, or that it was 'normal' to feel at all differently, nor that that's how I personally feel.

Thousands of threads on here though show that many women do feel closer to their own mothers than to their MILs and accept more help/interference/advice from their own mum but MILs are evil and controlling etc etc. Therefore maternal GMs are often closer to their DGC than the paternal GM is. Lots of threads, too, from MILs desperate to get it right and be a good friend to their DIL without appearing overbearing when it come to wanting to get to know their DGC. Many DILS appear to want to take the DH away from his mother as if "he's mine now not yours" and they are somehow competing with each other.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 28/09/2014 09:09

Yanbu. You said you didn't want it and she chose not to listen. Not your fault she's out of pocket. I cannot understand behaviour like that.

Take it off her paws and bung it in the charity shop. And it's better for you if they choose to have little to do with your family. Less chance they upset you or piss you off.

You shouldn't have been made to speak to mil.

Congratulations on baby no.5 xx

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 28/09/2014 09:12

Ooh! Sorry. I've just read she's taken it back and got her money back. Well that's something. Although if she'd have listened to you in the first place she wouldn't have had too.

Aridane · 28/09/2014 12:37

Glad she's taken it back.

If MIL really wants to get something substantial for baby, maybe you or DP could specify something that you do want and have chosen

Babyleopard23 · 28/09/2014 13:13

Yadnbu! Glad you got them to take it back!
I have a similar situation in which DH and I are expecting DC1 and we live abroad. My mum bought (with my guidance) a travel system to use whilst visiting which is great and new. I visited the uk last week to find MIL has found/bought a knackered old car seat (that looks like it also may have been found in some bushes) and I'm not joking it's in terrible condition! Besides the fact I already have a new one we were never asked or told about it. I haven't mentioned anything yet but I certainly won't be using it!

Flip

1 2