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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been wendied.

30 replies

Paraibalove · 26/09/2014 23:29

and I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable in A) thinking it's too late and B) feeling like I want to move.

I'm going to literally recap this whole thing into factual points to avoid too much rambling.

Friend and I met 5 years ago, close immediately. Always have been, she's lovely and I enjoy her company.

I meet Wendy 3 years ago. I introduce them a little while later. They slowly get close. Wendy was outed as trouble by my husband immediately and despite usually being a great judge of character she flew under my radar and I ignored him. We live in very small village and she knows everyone/everything etc. loves you to know it too.

around 6 mo it appears Wendy took a dislike to me, began bitching to my friend. Due to being completely lost in the throws of depression and other personal issues I missed this shift. I later confront them about being off with me, to basically have a character assassination. (it was very petty, I didn't understand it at the time but a few months later derails of W personal life emerged and it must have just been misplaced jealousy) I was very very disappointed with my friend, knew I'd never fully forget it but love her dearly and tried to resolve and we've been ok since. I however finally clocked W and have felt very cold towards her since despite her still being polite and even friendly to my face when we see each other... but I can see straight through her and I would love to cut ties.

The more I create distance the less I see of my friend. I feel uncomfortable in my village because she's just always 'there' somehow.

I've had enough. and i don't really know what to do! I miss my friend but she's not a talker and I believe Wendy has her claws too far in now. The Trust has gone and I'm feeling like I need a fresh start.

aibu and overreacting?

OP posts:
Annarose2014 · 26/09/2014 23:40

So your 1st friend laid into you too? Not sure why she's getting a pass, when Wendy isn't. She wasn't so lovely that day, was she? Or any of the previous occasions when she was bitching about you with Wendy. Takes two to have a bitching session.

Original poster
Paraibalove · 26/09/2014 23:42

I don't know. . I've never had reason not to trust friend before. I guess because we had history I tried to salvage our friendship, though as I say some trust has been broken and I was really upset over her involvement.

OP posts:
slinkyfiggy · 26/09/2014 23:44

I would ditch her too. I agree you have been Wendied but she didn't have to be a weak sheep and go along with it. And the character assassination sounds awful too. There is no way in the world I would want to be friends with someone that had done that to me.

Distance yourself, spend time with other friends and leave them to get on with it. They deserve each other!!

ReverseAtMarbleArch · 26/09/2014 23:58

Sod the pair of them! Life is too short.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 27/09/2014 00:00

Ditch them both, Wendy as bad but your friend was worse- she should have known better.

Username12345 · 27/09/2014 00:07

I agree. A true friend doesn't blindly believe the bitchiness about you.

Your well rid.

I feel uncomfortable in my village because she's just always 'there' somehow.

That's probably because your minds focused on her you see her everywhere. Like, when if you want a baby and you think everyone around you is suddenly pregnant.

Cut ties. Move on. Find better friends. Quality friends.

HaroldLloyd · 27/09/2014 00:09

When you move on you will stop noticing or caring where she is.

I wouldn't make a scene or have another conversation about it, just don't bother and out your energies into socialising with nicer people.

MintyChops · 27/09/2014 04:57

Agree with those saying to ditch them both. Your friend sounds weak and, in truth, no friend at all if she went along with Wendy.

neiljames77 · 27/09/2014 05:12

Why is it called a Wendy?
Is it something to do with a Wendy house being small so some get left out or pushed out. Or is there a famous woman called Wendy who backstabs?

daisychain01 · 27/09/2014 05:18

Agree with pps.

Friend 1 should have stuck by you and not be so easily led.

Wendy sounds like trouble from the word go.

Why should you care about Friend 1 she isnt doing enough to repair the situation, you are making all the effort. Get shot of them both!

Youarejustwordsonascreenpeople · 27/09/2014 05:20

A couple of years ago there was a lady on here who had a problem like this and in her original post she called her 'friend' Wendy as a way of identifying her in a long post. It's just kind of stuck with us as a forum.

neiljames77 · 27/09/2014 05:26

Oh. So it's just like someone who brings bad luck is a Jonah.
Thanks.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 27/09/2014 05:31

Its from an Enid Blighton book... Can't remember which one.

neiljames77 · 27/09/2014 05:38

Maybe "The famous five " used to be "The famous six" until one of them got wendied.
Grin

Misseuropadiscodancer · 27/09/2014 05:59

Not an Enid Blighting book, a Judy Blume book called Blubber.

You deserve better than this treatment OP, friends do not behave in this way.

Misseuropadiscodancer · 27/09/2014 05:59

Enid Blighton

Squeegle · 27/09/2014 06:15

Enid Blyton

Bowlersarm · 27/09/2014 06:28

I'd drop them both and carry on with my life without them.

Think your original friend has behaved worse than Wendy as she hasn't been a true friend to you at all.

Original poster
Paraibalove · 27/09/2014 08:00

You are all right.. The whole situation has just been hurtful and played on my fragile state of mind perhaps more than it would have done before.

OP posts:
Misseuropadiscodancer · 27/09/2014 08:13

Blyton.....I knew it didn't look right when I was typing it :)

FannyBlott · 27/09/2014 08:25

So just distance yourself from them then?
People change, friendships change, doesn't mean this other woman is "trouble" or "has her claws in". I presume your original friend is capable of making her own decisions?
Sorry if I'm being harsh, I just really struggle to understand adults having "falling outs".
If it's making you unhappy then distance yourself and stop thinking about it.

StickEm · 27/09/2014 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 27/09/2014 08:45

Judy Blume

Flipflops7 · 27/09/2014 11:06

Kudos to your husband for spotting her, husbands are usually crap at this!

Flowers to you; it must be difficult in a small place.

Shockers · 27/09/2014 11:28

I always thought it was something to do with Wendy becoming the flavour of the month and Tinkerbell feeling pushed out...

Anyway OP, I could more or less have written your post. I now reply politely to texts (which are infrequent), but otherwise I don't have anything to do with either of my 'friends'.

The relief is palpable.