to have told him to leave?

[kormasutra]

So it's not been a great day for me:(

I have 2 dc. Ds is 11 and has autism. Dd is 3.
I split up with ds's dad when he was 2, he stays with him every Friday night and we have amicable ish relationship.

Met my dd's dad around 15 years ago, we were friendly but nothing else.
After I split with ds's dad we got together ( around a year later) and had our much wanted dd together in 2011.

He has always treated ds as his own, that changed when dd came along and I understand his feelings towards them are different but Ds should not notice though but does.

We have been under a lot of financial strain and dp? Was prescribed several different anti depressants which I think haven't helped him at all. Been on them around 18 months.
He is extremely moody and difficult to live with and I believe the problem lies deeper than money worries.

Yesterday he got back from work and was horrible to my ds saying he was "backwards" I saw red and told him I wanted him out.

Today he came for some stuff and left, very upset saying goodbye to dd.
Ds was at school.

Obviously I'm sad and my dd is too young to really understand but at the moment I'm feeling relief. Is that bad?

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

YANBU. Have some . Watch Strictly. Tomorrow is a new start. Good luck.

YANBU, hopefully he will understand that he can't treat you or DS like this. Have you told him it's over, or just told him to get out?

Well done you. Anyone who spoke about my child like that would be out on their arse. The feeling of relief is a good sign.

Financial strain is crippling. Has your dp now found an antidepressant that suits him? You sound quite dismissive of this.

He should not have called your ds backward. That was very wrong. Deal breaker? Depends if it was the thin end of the wedge.

It is unreasonable to expect your dp to feel the same about your ds as he does his own child. Although those feelings shouldn't be apparent to your ds, i assume he knows he isn't his father though.

You had me at "he stopped treating DS as his own son when a child of his own came along". YANBU. At. All.

I've told him it's over but he wouldn't accept it. Basically admitted that he was here because of dd:(
Somebody had to do something as it would have continued for years no doubt.
I feel very sorry for my dd, she idolises her daddy, though he will be seeing her of course.

I'm suffering with horrendous anxiety at the moment and night time is worse.
I haven't told anyone yet ( apart from mn )
Thanks for the support.

I think this is one of those few times where you need to put yourself first. Have you spoken to your gp about the anxiety?

Congratulations for standing up for your son op you did the right thing honest, I know you don't feel it but proud of yourself is what you should be.

Having a child on a spectrum is hard enough without idiots making it harder for you like that. Your still in shock lovely and will go through a whole host of emotions but don't ever be in doubt you are a mum who protects her kids.

Good for you for protecting your son. Seeing your DP treating her brother badly is probably no good for your DD either. You sound incredibly strong it would be tempting to just carry on and hope things improve but you've actually taken a decisive step. Go you!

Be kind to yourself, Korma, and don't forget we're here if you need us.

YANBU - That's just fucking awful of him to have used that word.
I don't care if he thinks differently after having his own child but to show it is disgraceful and cruel to your ds.
Well done for protecting your son.
Please look after yourself, try and go to the GP about your anxiety.
Take care X

Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment and for your kind words and encouragement:)

The anxiety has been building for a few months but after receiving a letter from my housing association last week threatening me with eviction (rent arrears) it has tipped everything over the edge.

Saw my GP on Monday who has given me some diazepam and suggested I take fluoxetine (AD) but I'm reluctant after seeing ex dp on AD's though not these ones but I may start them in the morning.

I never thought of myself as being strong but it takes something like this to test your resolve.

My ds is an inspiration to me, managed 4's and 5's in his SAT's, has taken a lot of criticism on the chin as he's a big/tall kid and has the loveliest nature, despite having asc which he's fully aware ofand hates
He's far from "backward" which in itself is such a disgusting word I'm wincing as I'm typing it!

I discovered MN in March this year and I've never needed it as much as today and it has been a hard year so again Thank you all xx

P.s I often wonder what I did with my free time before finding this place:)