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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want another baby?

41 replies

Weelass83 · 26/09/2014 11:21

I have a wonderful 4 and a half year old son. We moved house recently (within the same town so son stayed at same nursery, minimal disruption and all that) so he now has a really big room for all his toys and to play in. I would love to have another baby, but I'm aware that toddler and son may have to share a room at some point until we get the loft converted into another room.......which of course we probably won't need to do if we decided NOT to have another baby. Also very aware of the age difference that will be between my son and new baby, so they will not necessarily be 'friends' growing up. Have I missed the boat? A lot of my friends have had children 18 months - 2 years apart and I am only now seeing the benefits of this. My son is everything to me and I also worry that having another child might make him jealous and upset. A lot of my friends are just saying 'go for it' but I'm really not sure. Hubby is very much on the fence too, he said he'd be delighted with a new baby, but equally just as happy with just our family of 3. I guess I'll just feel really guilty taking time away from my son, if that makes sense? And am I selfish to want another child, even if it won't really benefit anyone apart from me!?

I'm very aware after typing all this out that I do sound a bit pathetic and irrational but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

Golightly133 · 26/09/2014 15:30

9, 11 and 13 years between means my siblings not so close growing up I massively resented the kiddie type
Holidays and activities we
Did and they were pretty
Much the fire front if everything. Much closer now we have grown up my own 3 children were all born with a 12 month gap they are all close and get on brilliantly. 2 boys share a room and get on great daughter has own room and is nearly always in with the lads playing xbox etc, it's personal choice and what u make it I wouldn't swap my family set up
But I know ppl who have had big gaps and prefer it that way good luck deciding ??

Marylou62 · 26/09/2014 15:34

I have two DSs 7 years apart...with a girl in the middle...The boys had to share a bedroom and it did cause problems sometimes...but now both grown, 17 and 24 they get on so well...they are great mates as is their sister....go for it....we persuaded my DB to have another when we were all sitting in the garden awaiting news about our critically ill DF (who did survive)...I am one of 5 very close in age..we were all supporting each other and it was mentioned to DB that his son would have to cope one day on his own...they went on to have another 3!!!!

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 26/09/2014 15:36

I've got a really big gap and a very small gap and I don't think it makes much difference to how my DC get on. They either do or they don't.
Also gaps get smaller as the DC get older. My 63 year old DM gets on really well with her 53 year old sister. My 25 year old is coming over at the weekend to have a FIFA playstation marathon with his teenage brothers at the weekend.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/09/2014 15:42

I have a younger sister 2 years younger and she is my best friend by far.
I also have 2 older half sisters (10 and years older than me) and we are all really good friends.
Holidays together etc..

I however only had 1 child. As did my 2 half sisters and my younger sis hasn't had any (not her choice). Odd but that's how it's all panned out.
If I had had a boy I think I may well have had another one.

But one was certainly enough for me.

If you are feeling like you really want to try for another then do it.
Nothing selfish about it at all. As long as your and your DH are in it together it's all good.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/09/2014 15:43

That is 10 and 8 years older than me.

musicmaiden · 26/09/2014 17:49

4 years between mine - no jealousy, in fact it was a benefit that DS1 was older as he understood what was happening so much more. And no problems with loving DS2 just as much. :-) Couldn't even contemplate having a second any sooner tbh - the idea of 'two under two' seemed like hell for me! It's now a lovely contrast to have an older, more independent DS1 who plays with 'proper' toys and has funny, long, rambling conversations, and 15mo DS2 who is in that toddling about, super-curious, baby-talk kind-of age. DS1 is so far super-fond of his brother and they do play together.

PeachyParisian · 26/09/2014 18:06

4 years is nothing, I'm 23 years older than my youngest (4m) brother!
My other DB is only 7 years younger and we are very close. The 2 year ideal gap is rubbish because my DS and I are 21m apart and half the time I want to kill her and that's been a running theme since childhood.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 26/09/2014 18:14

New house, new baby

whatsagoodusername · 26/09/2014 18:22

I'm four years younger than one sister, 18 months older than the other. I get on with both just fine. My sisters didn't as much with each other as kids, but that's personality rather than age and they get on well now.

At pick up at my DS's nursery, there appears to be a number of families with similar gaps as you would have, so you certainly wouldn't be the only one!

bronya · 26/09/2014 18:25

I know two siblings who are 7 years apart and get on well. Their mum has strict rules about not going into rooms/annoying each other though.

Evelight · 26/09/2014 18:54

I am 14 yrs older than my sister, and we are best friends. Growing up, we were also very close. She is also very close to my kids, who love seeing their "cool young aunt".

Where do these ridiculous "rules" come from? Only 18 months- 2 yrs apart otherwise no? Why would you feel that?

maddening · 26/09/2014 19:00

I am 3 years older than dsis and 5 years older than dbro and am closer to dbro.

maddening · 26/09/2014 19:03

A lady at work went for 2 under 2 - no2 ended up being conceived straight away and was twins so when they were born she had 3 under 18mths

Waltonswatcher · 26/09/2014 19:57

Dd15 ds12 dd2
Happy as larry.
I love the age gap - it's kept the older kids younger .
Think of the joy at christmas with a toddler at the table .
Loft extension here - I now have my own floor ! The 3 kids are below . It works well .

Original poster

Weelass83 · 26/09/2014 20:03

Evelight, I don't really feel like it's a no-no, just anyone I know who has that smallish age-gap between their children say it's better that way so they can be friends and close. I sometimes feel like my son is a bit lonely, like he would benefit from having someone around his age. But then there's only 3 months between him and my niece and they see each other quite a lot. Get on really well too. And I know he's going to start making friends at school and won't want to play with his mum anymore (sob). So I guess after all this procrastinating I've just answered my own question really - I'm being unreasonable and should just go for it! x

OP posts:

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 26/09/2014 20:17

Dh is 7 years older than his younger brother. They got on brilliantly as kids. Who wouldn't want to be worshipped?

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