Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to use my bday spa gift when it suits me??

28 replies

MrsN1984 · 26/09/2014 06:03

My oldest friend of 20yrs bought us a spa day for my 30th (I was 12wks) and it is valid until July next year.

Now, given that I am currently a little restricted as to what I can do at a spa, I explained at least three times that I would like to go once LO is a couple of months old and I can fully take advantage of the facilities and enjoy a day of pampering.

She mentioned that she might be working away next year so she wanted to go to the spa this side of Christmas. I'm really disappointed that she's making such a big deal out of when we go.

If it was the other way round, I would offer my place to her mum/friend etc if I couldn't be around.

Yes it would be nice to enjoy the gift together but I don't feel a gift should be given with conditions attached.
Surely im entitled to use my birthday gift when it suits me?

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 26/09/2014 06:13

YANBU but I am sure she doesn't mean to be so pushy. She probably just wants to spend some time with you. Why don't you speak to the Spa find out what they can/can't do whilst you are pregnant and then show her how limited your options are. You can then explain that you would really like to go after DC is born because you will probably need it more a little break once DC is born. She may understand a but more.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 26/09/2014 06:29

I can see what you mean about attaching conditions to a gift, but I don't think it was intended that way. From her point of view the gift was a spa day together at her expense and now you are saying I'll take the spa day but I'd rather do it without you. The timing is unfortunate but she meant well and is probably feeling really disappointed. I'm sure there are plenty of things a pregnant woman can do safely at spa.

Ron99 · 26/09/2014 06:31

Your post says 'bought it for US' I'd say she wants to have a girly day with her best mate before new baby and working away kick in. Ask the spa what treatments you can enjoy and then enjoy the gift with your friend.

Original poster
MrsN1984 · 26/09/2014 06:35

Not at all - I would have liked to go with her but I thought after saying the first time that I'd like to go next year she would have accepted that given the reasons I gave.

The free things that come with the package I can't do and the expense of a mummy to be massage is almost £75 which is quite a lot.

Think the main problem is that this is the tip of a whopping great iceberg Confused

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 26/09/2014 06:37

No YANBU. If she insists you go while pregnant/gets huffy if you don't then this is less like a 30th birthday and more like she just wanted to go to the spa herself and bought you a voucher so you could accompany her! (It wouldn't suit me at all - when I get the chance to go to a spa I usually just use the sauna and steam room and don't bother about treatments so I would be totally stuffed.)

LittlePeaPod · 26/09/2014 06:46

MrsN. Does she have DC? She may well just not understand how limited a pregnant woman's options are. I really don't think someone hat would be thoughtful enough o buy you a lovely Spa for your birthday would be really selfish about it. Just try explaining to her how limited your options are. She may well just not understand.

LittlePeaPod · 26/09/2014 06:46

Missed the Iceberg comment. What's the Iceberg?

WeAreEternal · 26/09/2014 06:49

Surely she will be coming home for visits while working away, could you not arrange it for during one of her visits?

My best friend lives/works over 400 miles away but she comes home every few months so that we can meet up and spend time together, (she has a house here so is able to 'come home' anytime she is able to)

combust22 · 26/09/2014 06:57

Giving a spa day to "us" is a bit of a conditional gift. Sounds like it is for her and she would like you to tag along.

Giving you a gift of a spa day for two people- with no strings attached as to when you go or who you take would have been much nicer.

I wouldn't really consider this a gift as such. suggest she goes with someone else if she is so keen to use her gift voucher.

Original poster
MrsN1984 · 26/09/2014 07:13

The iceberg thing - oh where to start lol. She created a scene at my birthday meal over a £4 tip which was embarrassing to the point my DH gave her £4 out of his own pocket. Everyone else left their change as a tip, similar amounts.
She only wants to see me when she needs to stay at my house (I live in London).
The list is long but I overlooked the little things because we'd been friends a long time.
No she doesn't have children but I explained three times that I can't do 90% of the things included in the package but she would not listen.
Exactly, she will be coming back whilst working away and she isn't even confirmed to go.

It ended with me telling her I'm sending her the gift pack back.
I'm not explaining myself for a 4th time to her when she is so bloody minded but not understanding my restrictions after I very clearly explained them Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsN1984 · 26/09/2014 07:14
  • by not understanding
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsN1984 · 26/09/2014 07:16

(And given her salary and living with parents, £4 was very affordable)

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 26/09/2014 07:27

I guess there were issues outside your pregnancy. One of my best friends is childless and it doesn't matter how of rain I explsined the challenges spas when I was pregnant she just didn't get it. I wax the same before getting pregnant and having DD. But I am guessing for you there are other issues. The £4 tip wouldn't bother me. I would have fine the same as your DH.

You are sending the gift back do problem solved. Grin. But yourself a lovely day instead.

LittlePeaPod · 26/09/2014 07:27

Excuse typos.

Ron99 · 26/09/2014 07:34

Ah your extra info changes things. Two choices give her the voucher back so she can do what she wants or keep it and enjoy it with who you want when you want. Good luck

Only1scoop · 26/09/2014 07:39

I think you are being slightly unreasonable but then I didn't feel like bumbling around a spa when preg either.

Seems more issues between two of you than just this. Hope you sort it.

Such a generous gift after all

Balaboosta · 26/09/2014 07:51

I think YABU. She wants a day out with you, it's about spending time together. You are being controlling. I would be irritated too. Also it will do you good now.

combust22 · 26/09/2014 08:00

I disagree- this is a gift with conditions.
A good gift is one given freely with no strings.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 26/09/2014 08:55

Did she know you were pregnant when she booked it? Was it a surprise or did she tell you in advance that she was planning it? If she knew you were pg and booked it without discussing it with you, or if she booked it despite you having told her you wouldn't be able to do most of it then I think YANBU. However if she didn't know you were pg and none of it was discussed I can see shy she is upset, especially if spas are something she knows you enjoy.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 26/09/2014 09:32

Don't go to a spa when you're pregnant, you can't do most of it. No steam rooms or saunas or jacuzzi and some of the treatments. Wait until you've had the baby, it's up to you when you use it. The gift shouldn't have a condition attached to it.

cherrybombxo · 26/09/2014 11:12

These people who are saying that YABU or controlling confuse me - why go to spa when you can't do most of it?! Of course you'd want to use it when the baby arrives, you'll need time to unwind. Your friend sounds like a bit of a diva, I couldn't be bothered with that.

Original poster
MrsN1984 · 26/09/2014 12:21

She knew I was pregnant :(
Of course I understand it's a treat but the bottom line is I can't use the facilities in the gift pack at the moment and would much rather go when I can fully appreciate the gift.
I'm pretty such with DS is a couple of months old I would seriously appreciate a pampering day

OP posts:
combust22 · 26/09/2014 12:43

Your friend is being unreasonable if she can't understand the situation.

LittlePeaPod · 26/09/2014 13:11

Like I said. YANBU and you have told her she can have the gift back now so its done. Just get yourself a nice Spa day post baby and don't stress it. I am sure you have more things to worry about than your friend whom you already have issues with wanting to go to the spa Pre baby.

Lorelei353 · 26/09/2014 13:37

Have you spoken to the spa? I was given a spa voucher early in pregnancy by someone who didn't know. The spa very kindly swapped some of my treatments for ones that I could have instead.