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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my kid's school should have shown more decisive action?

2 replies

Thruaglassdarkly · 26/09/2014 00:21

Ok, my eldest DD is 10, so in year 6. There is a kid in her class who has been a problem from the off. Swearing at staff, being over physical with the other kids etc etc. His dad is the caretaker and his mum works as a TA/dinner supervisor and cleaner at the school. The family are well loved and rightly so, because the couple are indeed lovely.
But their 10 year old son is a bit of a bully at times - not always, but sometimes. And because of his parents' position in the school and in the close-knit community, he gets away with a hell of a lot of stuff our other kids wouldn't.
Take today. They were making sock puppets. My DD has been working for hours on hers. Their boy just spontaneously decides to chuck hers across the table. She told me she went to retaliate, thought better of it "because two wrongs don't make a right, Mummy". And I was proud she took that stance. But in return, he hurled her puppet across the room. It lost its hair, its headband. Indeed, it was ruined.
The thing is, that the TA asked why he'd done that and then he lied and said that DD was the one who had thrown his puppet. TA believed him and chided my daughter, who had done nothing wrong.

Now her puppet is ruined and she has to stand up in the morning before the whole school and the yr 6 parents and show it as an example of her work.
She feels humilated and debased. She spent hours on this item and this kid has trashed it and now school expect her to show the trashed version.
AIBU to think they should have intervened?

OP posts:
AuditAngel · 26/09/2014 00:33

Did she explain that it wasn't her who threw the puppet? The TA may not have seen.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 26/09/2014 00:36

How can they intervene if they don't know what happened?
He lied, your DD didn't try and correct things, so really the staff have no idea what happened...
I know it's hard for a quieter child to feel like they can "make a fuss" so to speak and it's not right that the ones who shout loudest get listened to iyswim.
Can you give your DD some strategies for what to do if something similar every happens perhaps? Reassure her that you will always believe her (as long as she tells you the exact truth) and you will be on her side and help to sort things out.
Maybe a word with the class teacher or the TA in question to just quietly let them know that this other boy was "fibbing" and that your DD was too nervous to speak up too - I don't suppose the staff are ignorant of this boy's behaviour any more than the other parents are, but they are constrained in what they can actually do about things they hear secondhand/don't witness themselves, and they have to follow all the rules regarding all the children in school and work with this boy's parents...

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