To think my brother needs to see a doctor?

[birthdaywishesfromsweden]

This may sound like I'm being overprotective but I really do think I am right in this situation and it's better to be safe than sorry.

My 13 year old brother has really changed a lot in the last six months or so. He's went from being a chatty, happy and outgoing boy to really quiet and solemn. He barely leaves the house anymore except to go to school or sees any of his friends and has given up all of his hobbies. He rarely smiles any more. He just stays in his room most of the time.

He's also went from being someone who loves his food to someone very disinterested in it and picky about it. He doesn't seem to eat much these days and has lost quite a lot of weight. He's never been overweight, he's always been on the thinner side and losing weight when you're a growing teenager who didn't need to lose weight in the first place just doesn't seem very healthy to me.

Also yesterday I noticed cuts on his arms. There were quite a lot of them but he has been wearing long sleeved shirts a lot recently so have never noticed them before. I didn't say anything though.

However whenever I suggest to my mum that she should probably take him to see the GP she just shrugs me off and tells me I've overreacting and it's just normal teenage angst that will pass.

Maybe it is just teenage angst that is going to pass but I can't help feeling that there's something more to it.

Would I be able to make him an appointment at the GP and take him myself? Obviously I am his sister but not sure if it would need to be a parent that takes him along.

I think you need to have parental responsibility to do that. Print a few articles about the signs of self harm off for your mum to read and make her take him.

Could you make an appointment and ASK him if he'd like you to go with him? He may find it easier to go with you than your mum?

Lovely sister, he is a fortunate boy to have you on his side. I think it would be absolutely fine for you to take him to an initial GP appointment, it may require parental input when it comes to any treatment or referrals though. Hope he is ok.

You dont need PR to take anyone to the doctors. He can take himself. What you can do is call his school, speak to his pastoral Hoy and discuss the matter. Then let them , as professionals investigate.

agree with admit - speak to the school about your concerns, THEY have a responsibility to follow up, may already be concerned eg because of changing for PE etc, and your mother may listen to them if not to you

If he is cutting his arms, that is NOT normal teenage behaviour - it`s likely he is depressed & needs help & support.

He should see his GP.

Also, he could contact the Samaritans: www.samaritans.org or phone them on 08457 90 90 90 - they are open 24/7.

You are right to be concerned - well done for seeking advice.

you could also call childline for anonymous advice

Well done birthday wishes, you've spotted that something's not quite right. Are you still at school? If you are, talk to your school nurse and/or your teacher in charge of child protection.
If you're not at school, call childline or go to the Dr's yourself & discuss your concerns with the nurse or Dr. If you tell any of the people I've mentioned, they are duty bound to check that your brother is ok.
Your brother is lucky to have a sister like you.

Have you tried talking to him? He might respond better to you than to your parents, and letting him know that you are there for him might help him to make things a bit easier for him.

If it's any consolation, I was like this myself and it genuinely was just a phase, fuelled by teenage angst and pent up hormonal rage. I got over it in time and it didn't develop into anything else, but I did confide in my older brother and that did give me some perspective.

I'm glad it's not just me then. We both have the same GP so I might try and see if I can get an appointment tomorrow. I never thought about ringing the school though. What would they be able to do?

I have tried talking to him but getting a straight answer out of him these days is near on impossible. He will either not say anything at all to you and just give you a dirty look instead or snap at you or try to argue.

I'm not at school, no, I'm 21 and I don't even live at home anymore but I do live three doors up from my mum and brother so still see them all the time. So I do have a pretty good picture of the situation.

I don't know whether I should of brought the cutting thing up with him. I don't know how he'd respond if I had brought it up.

Is there a learning mentor he can talk to at school?

Is he being bullied?

I am amazed that your mum seems so unconcerned. This is not normal behaviour and he needs to be seen before it escalates.

This is something that is a bit too close to home for me right now, but please be strong for your brother.

The school have to follow if up - you don't have to say your name I'm sure - but he needs support and help, the school may of noticed he has become withdrawn but with more information it will give them a better picture to help him if he needs it

Wouldn't say it is normal teenage angst. My 14 yr old is moody and stroppy, but wants to spend more time away from us and home, more time doing his sports with friends and eats like a horse-isn't gaining any weight but certainly isn't losing any. I hope you can get someone to help your little brother-good luck. He is lucky to have you.

My dd self-harmed. On the surface I was calm and serene, but I was screaming underneath. She was not the only one in her year, and it is something which does seem to be increasing among your brother's age group.

It is a sign of grave distress.

Your mum may know all about it; she may know full well what is going on with your brother, all the whys and wherefores, but he may have asked her not to talk to you about it. My dd didn't want me to tell dh, her dad. She was a) scared he wouldn't understand and he would say something like her friend's dad had said (to her friend, his own dd, "you should have your head examined, I'll get you put in a looney bin") and b) scared that dh would no longer see her as the golden child in whom he had great pride. Your brother may think that you would see him differently if you knew about it. This is pure speculation, just a suggestion of why your mum may have acted as she did with you.

What is your relationship with your brother like? Are you close? Does he look up to you? Could you take him out for the day to do something he would really enjoy, and gives him ample opportunity to confide in you? I would remind him of helplines like childline and the Samaritans, but do it gently. For my daughter, her worst nightmare was us, her parents, finding out. When I did, she realised that actually it wasn't that awful after all, and told her dad herself very soon after.

I would have another try with your mum before I took matters into my own hands. At most I would see my gp to tell them that I was worried about my brother, and ask for guidance on how best to proceed.

My dd is 15 now and hasn't done it for a long time. I sincerely hope she never does again. I hope the same for your brother too.

It is a horrible thing; you are a good sister, and I do understand that need to do something, anything, to make it stop and make it all OK again for someone you love very much indeed. But go carefully and gently.

Update - well I've just found out my mum has actually went ahead and booked an appointment for him anyways. When I asked what made her suddenly decide to do that she told me that when he got in from school she told him that she was having a takeaway pizza for tea and asked him if he would like one too. And he completley flipped out over this and started shouting at her that he didn't know what her problem was or what she was trying to do him and he couldn't have pizza because it would make him fat. Then he just burst into tears .

The appointment is on Tuesday and my mum is at work that day so I will have to take him. Only now I am worried about what will happen when we go. I will have to go in with him as he can't go in alone. Anyone have any experience of this?

Great that your mum has made the appointment but is there any reason why she made it for a day when she cannot attend with him? That seems rather odd. Could you ask your mum to change the appointment?

Also, does your DB know about the appointment? Is it in school time so will you have to pick him up from school? And if he has a meltdown over a pizza, how is going to react to having a doctor's appointment made for him without his consent and being compelled by his sister to attend?

SuburbanRhonda she is at work Monday to Friday next week and it is hard for her to get time off. Apparently my brother has calmed down now and my mum has told him about the appointment and he is okay about it. He is still refusing to have anything for tea (to make some kind of point perhaps?).

As you share the same GP, if you think it may be difficult getting him to see the GP, you could always either make an appointment in your own right but use that time to explain your concerns for your brother. Alternatively email the GP outlining your worries.

Poor kid though. I hope it works out for him.

Hi op

His refusing to eat is another form of self harm, it might be an idea to contact his school on the quiet and ask to speak in Confidence to either the school nurse or the child protection person. Tell them your concerns but obviously you don't want him confronted, there are ways they can just gently quietly keep an eye on him.

Also find out if they have a counsellor at school he could have access too. I wonder if he has been bullied? Eating disorders in boys isn't as common as girls but does exist, the fact he broke down and is willing to go to the docs is a good start,he's obviously trying to hold stuff in and the pizza issue triggered him.

Reassure him that you are there to listen to him if he needs a shoulder and maybe escape to yours if need of some down time.
Your support in the background will be invaluable, 13 is a strange age for some kids not quite an adult and no longer a child In his eyes, throw in some hormones and it's quite a mix.

Something's up but it's gently gently catchy monkey with this sort of thing, let him know your there for him

An eating disorder? I had no idea boys even got them. I have never heard of that before

10% of people with eating disorders are male.

It's not just a phenomenon among teenage girls, and there's a trend towards more boys being affected now, what with the rise of shit TOWIE metrosexual culture and the like.

Good luck with getting through to your brother, the earlier he recognises his problem and the support he has available, the best chances of his recovery

Self-harming and not eating - OP, do ask the GP for a referral to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). They have raised their thresholds for intervention recently, but if your DB doesn't meet their criteria, I don't know who would.

Good luck.