To really think it is time we get a better understanding of what social workers actually do!?

[TalkingPoint]

I read so many posts on here saying I have been referred to social services, or someone is threatening to refer me, etc, and then these people are understandably filled with fear that their children will be removed.
I have worked with social services for over 15 years, in that time I have met good and bad social workers (as with any profession) but I have never met one who doesn't care. I have had the pleasure of working with some of the most committed, dedicated and wonderful people absolutely dedicated to positive outcomes for children. Children are only removed in extreme circumstances where no other resolution can be reached. In the following bit I am talking about families in need of extra help - not cases of extreme abuse and purposeful neglect which is a very different thing!

A referral to social services doesn't mean someone is a bad parent, it means that for some reason at that point in time they need some extra help and than can be achieved through extra support in school, play therapy, family counselling etc. Social workers deal with a multitude of issues and have access to a wide range of interventions. A parent(s) can be struggling due to a short term external influence such as divorce, a death,, illness etc, and need the help, but unwilling to ask or access help due to stigma. We need to remove the stigma attached so more people feel able to access 'early help' services and limiting risk of damage further on.

AIBU to think we demonise social workers to quickly actually they have a lot to offer to help. A person may refer another person to social services but this is most often out of love and worry and not knowing what else to do. Accepting the help of social services in times of difficulty shouldn't be seen as a sign of weakness but as one of strength, recognising that something isn't quite right and wanting to make it better?

curly my father had muscle AND tattoos. And believe me, that meant a lot more in 1970s than it does now ;)

I think if parents can't relate to their children's SW, then that can cause issues too. Imagine being in your 30s or 40s and having some newly qualified coming into your home, or at a Core Group meeting, telling you how you should be living, that you're making mistakes, that you're not doing things right. That must be hard. That doesn't mean to say that there should be an age limit (or we wouldn't have any SWs), just that it needs to be considered.

I've got knickers older than some of the SWs I've come into contact with in my job

I was referred to social services because the idiot health visitor couldn't tell birth mark from bruising on a 3 week old baby.

I had a couple of months of hell wondering what was going to happen, terrified my baby and my toddler would be taken away. the social worker had the cheek to tell me "I can't see why you are so worried"

we had 6 different doctor visits with the baby. Not once did any of them think it was a bruise - "no bruising evident. Original site shows birth mark" as one of them wrote.

a few months later I was told the case had been closed.

Now I'm pregnant again and the midwife is legally obliged to inform social services about me. Because one woman once made a "mistake"

wasting their time, my stress levels... lovely.

I'm sure they were only doing their job. but from my side of things, it was terrifying.

Strangely enough, health visitors will not be allowed anywhere near my children in future.

My ex was raised in care. far from wanting to be a social worker to help more people, he STILL instictively sees them as the enemy. He says he only ever saw one competent one, and they quit due to stress.

(and if anyone knows me IRL, please keep quiet about all of it, my family don't know)

ebwy

I've got knickers older than some of the SWs I've come into contact with in my job

curly

Daisychain, MyFairy, Sinister,

I have posted vitriolically but from the heart.
Because of DD's condition ExP & I have had numerous contacts with SS in Kent & London.
In every case they have been unhelpful, hostile, unwilling to listen, overbearing, threatening and accusatory.
I felt that they were ideologically driven with a belief that they knew better than we did what our child needed. When I asked if they had children, I was told "no" by more than a few - theoretical learning versus RL experience.
PPs have referred to the atavistic urge of parents to protect their children from threats & that is how SS made us feel at every turn. The gut wrenching fear & the acid fear & hatred that go with it when you feel your child is in danger from a powerful force that you can neither reason with nor defeat physically.
I have posted vitriolically but that reaction is visceral & based on my experience - Which I guess means I know what I wrote was OTT but my experiences have tainted my view of a whole profession.
I know SWs work in many fields & I know that "Happy Ending" stories don't sell papers & I know SWs work long hours in poorly resourced authorities but I STILL can't see past my own negative experiences.
I have reflected on what I posted last night in the heat of the moment & I shouldn't have posted it as it was, I should have explained why I felt that way in less emotive terms.

thanks, Curlyweasel.

it just feels like it never goes away.

I know that probably they will go "case was closed, thanks for informing us but we have no concerns" and nothing will happen but from my side it's reopened it all, I'm already stressing about it.

I feel judged for this baby now, and I've not had a 12 week scan yet.

Aw - ebwy - I want to give you a cuddle. Try to be optimistic and hold your head up high - you've got caught up in this through no fault of your own. I can understand you not wanting to have HVs involved again, but please do bear in mind that this might ring alarm bells and result in another (unwarranted) intervention. I have been very lucky with my HV - very commonsense approach and not at all judgy (maybe because she's older . You may be lucky this time round x x x

Curly Many social workers go into the profession as adults, so people are very silly if they assume their 40 yr old SWer is super experienced.

I am a little miffed with some of the judgmental comments made about a SW's personality and choice of career. I have no qualms with criticising the profession nor my personal practice (not that you'd know on here) but some of these comments are personal and say more about the person saying them than about a profession as a whole/

This is so depressing. My poor dd is currently half killing herself to qualify as a social worker. Tbh I wish she wouldn't bother, all I can see ahead of her is a life time of being hated every single day at work - not because she's done anything wrong just because that's the way it is SW=bad.

The problem is it's one of the most hated professions and horrendously underfunded, people don't start the job or leave because of that then those who are left are slated for their "inadequacies". I don't see any way things can improve tbh. It is considered usual for a SW to receive threats to their families, have people track down their homes, turn up drunk and violent in the middle of the night. Tbh I would rather my daughter did any other job than this, I genuinely want to cry when I think about what she is going to face but she's determined, she wants to make lives better - as I'm sure the vast majority did when they started out.

" Curly Many social workers go into the profession as adults, so people are very silly if they assume their 40 yr old SWer is super experienced. "

But even if they are newly-qualified, a 40 year old is still going to have twenty years more life and practical family experience- and if there's any profession in which that's important, it's social work (and Health Visiting too tbf).

If you had to be lectured on getting your kids to school on time or cooking decent meals every night, most people would take it better from a 40-something with four kids of their own than they would from a 21 year old who still lives at home with their mum. It's not that silly.

TooMuch please think about it from the other point of view. Your daughter wants to go into social work because, despite knowing the downsides, she wants to make a difference to the lives of people who need help (whichever branch of social work she chooses).
She is a daughter to be proud of.

Toomuch you've done a great job to bring up such a lovely daughter.

I have no experience with ss but I do view them with suspicion and see them as paper pushers. I can't explain why I feel that way but I do despite being a teacher and trained in child protection regularly.

There's no way ss would have been a viable career alternative for me, I saw it as a mix of an office job and getting abuse from people without the reward that at least I feel from teaching.

I am in awe of people who do this job. I think I would be unable to cope with the emotional roller coaster such a job entails seeing neglect and being so powerless to stand in until it was so late.

Sworkers join care home workers on my list of unrecognised heroes who should be paid more (I obviously have conflicting opinions here)!

Saucyjack I agree. We were referred to family resilience at one point due to the amount of agencies involved in our life (ds asd, dd in hospital, xh with severe disability) and a lovely but very young woman saw me; I knew more than her really in many ways. However she did refer us for free 2 year old childcare hours for dd3 so I am not complaining !

Since when was ageism so widely accepted, seriously?

I was referred to SS when I had crippling pnd and wanted some help with childcare or just moral support. Ss gave us 6 free hours of childcare a week, in a place too far away for us to actually provide me with any free time at all between drop offs and pickups.

They required me to participate in a parent toddler communication and play group designed to teach parents how to communicate with their toddlers (very basic things), despite me having been a psychology graduate and completing a counselling msc (with special interest in infant neuropsychology) at that time. They also told me to do CC on my barely 1 year old, and called me uncooperative when I refused.

I withdrew DS from the childcare arrangements and hope I never have to deal with those people ever again. They made my pnd worse. Thank god for DH, although he did have to help me out a lot in the first 2 years to the detriment of his career.

I'm sure there's a black mark next to me in some ss book, and it'll resurface if I ever decide to have another DC (unlikely).

Branston it's not ageism. An older sw actually said to me she had 'life experience' and that made a big difference! Dd1's sw is young but she has done the job for years and it shows, I just mean experience OR age makes the difference in being taken seriously imo.
Going back to being involved with ss- i was thinking about this earlier. When ss are involved your whole life is under scrutiny. Things that every day families do but don't get examined are one thing. A recent psychology report on dd1 said I was a positive role model and had a close relationship with her- but had 'blurred boundaries' because when she was on home leave (from section - due to repeated suicide attempts) i slept in a room with her. A room near the kitchen, when our bedroom was upstairs. A separate bed btw. I was fuming and the sw agreed with me. Sometimes you really can't win.

I have a bad reaction to the sight of the HV now... I saw her in Tesco the other day and it triggered a very long panic attack, so I cannot allow her here at all. Her replacement (I did initially agree to have a different one) tried to convince me that I should swap back, told me I was legally obliged to have a HV, stropped when I told her she was wrong about that, told me to do CC with my toddler, failed to show up for 2 appointments, and when I phoned to reschedule the first old said it was because I should have switched back. When she didn't show up the second time it took me 5 attempts to finally convince them that I was serious that I didn't want to see a HV at all.

Inside Out, in the BBC eastern region has an item tonight (7.30) about what it is really like to be a children's social worker.