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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to complain to teacher about this?

16 replies

SarahKayFan · 25/09/2014 18:00

Yesterday I asked dd's (Y6) teacher a few questions about how they do things in Year 6, as dd seems to feel a little lost. She is in none of the groups that have booster sessions etc., she is top of the class and, in her opinion, just left to her own devices.

Teacher immediately got super defensive, said that children in his class last year did really well and that he was surprised that dd wasn't better in maths - he had expected more. Not sure why that was said, tbh.

Anyway, today another mum approaches me and tells me that the teacher had complained to the class about mums coming in to complain - the other mum wasn't too sure about the details, but from her dd had got the impression that the teacher was complaining about me, and even though my name wasn't mentioned the children knew it was me. It's a small school, and everybody knows everything...

I think that if the teacher didn't like what I had to say (and I didn't criticise, I just wanted to know a bit more about what is going on in class) then he should take it up with me?

Should I complain? Am I being PFB?

OP posts:

LEMmingaround · 25/09/2014 18:04

Our school have an open evening where we are told what they are covering in class. The teachers are approachable and i would hope that they would welcome questions.

If you have it right then he behaved totally inappropriately and id be wanting to see the head.

fairgame · 25/09/2014 18:05

No don't complain. You don't know that he was specifically complaining about you, it's just playground hearsay atm. You might not be the only parent who complained.

Original poster

SarahKayFan · 25/09/2014 18:07

But that's not really the point, fairgame. Even if the teacher wasn't talking about me, should he be talking to the class about things that were raised between him and a parent?

OP posts:

clam · 25/09/2014 18:10

No, he shouldn't, and I don't blame you for feeling pissed off, but I don't think there's anything to be gained by complaining.

I would circle my wagons, and maybe have a well-rehearsed phrase or two about it to slot in at parents' evening if he pisses you off further you think it warrants it.

fairgame · 25/09/2014 18:12

I think it's difficult because you don't know exactly what he did say. Has he specifically said something about parents complaining or has he said for the kids to ask him themselves if they are unsure about things? Things get blown out of proportion when your 10 or 11.
It doesn't ring true to me that the teacher would complain to a class of kids about parents coming in. I think it depends very much on exactly how he worded it. If he did say it how you have been told then he's unprofessional but I wonder how much of it is accurate.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/09/2014 18:14

I don't think the teacher should have done this - it sounds very unprofessional. But a third-hand account might not be taken seriously by the HT, so is it possible that your friend could report what her dd told her to the HT?

DeWee · 25/09/2014 18:14

It could well be a "now you're in year 6 we expect you to come and talk to me if you're not happy rather than sending your mum/dad in, because that's how it will be at secondary". The year 6s are often told things like that ime.

If your name wasn't mentioned, and the children immediately thought it was you, then either you were seen talking to him, so the children extrapolated, when in fact he might havebeen really thinking of the irate conversation her had with another-or you might have been the 15th asking the same sort of stuff, but you were the most recent seen by the children. Or your dd said something like "oh dear that was my mum... "

FunkyBoldRibena · 25/09/2014 18:16

I wonder how much of it is accurate

It must have been pretty accurate or the OP wouldn't have been told my the other mother what happened...mustn't it? Otherwise it's an amazing coincidence.

LeBearPolar · 25/09/2014 18:16

So this is hearsay from another mum who wasn't too sure but had got the impression, from her DD, that...

Sounds like playground Chinese whispers to me.

Have you asked the teacher concerned what he said to the class? Or are you going to complain about him based on gossip?

fairgame · 25/09/2014 18:20

Ribena I'm not saying the whole thing didn't happen I'm questioning the accuracy of what the teacher actually said in front of 10 year olds who have then told an adult who has then told another adult. A bit like chinese whispers really.

Original poster

SarahKayFan · 25/09/2014 18:24

I don't think I would complain about him yet, I would complain to him first and ask him to address any issues with me rather than through the children.

I have tried to get some more information out of dd, but she just says the teacher thought it was very disrespectful of children to criticise his hard work.

Very odd, whichever way I look at it.

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 25/09/2014 18:28

I'm questioning the accuracy of what the teacher actually said in front of 10 year olds who have then told an adult who has then told another adult.

Yes, Chinese whispers that got the story right. Amazing.

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 25/09/2014 18:55

Have a chat with the teacher and deputy head together and say you thought that schools welcomed two way dialogues between parents and teachers you feel your daughter is being left to flounder because she's bright.

Don't mention the heresay, just that you're upset your daughter feels she is no longer being taught and feels let down because she's bright and you wanted to nip it in the bud at the start if y6

OfaFrenchMind · 25/09/2014 19:02

Or maybe your daughter is not that bright, maybe she is fibbing a little, maybe he is used to parents that come believing that their treasure is not given enough attention, and maybe he had a bad day...

And now you want to go to the HT because somebody told you what a kid may have overheard... No wonder there is not a rush to become a teacher nowadays...

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/09/2014 19:02

Sounds like you have it in for this man and are chomping at the bit for him to make any sort of mistake.

Nanny0gg · 25/09/2014 19:05

Whether she's top of the class or bottom, she shouldn't be left floundering.

From what the teacher said to the OP he clearly doesn't seem to have a good relationship with parents and the situation bears monitoring.

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