Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to pay for a theatre visit from the school

64 replies

peachypips · 25/09/2014 17:24

that happened today?

I received a letter in the book bag telling me that they would like a £4 contribution towards a visit from a theatre visit they had had this afternoon. We had no information about this except this retrospective letter!!

It almost takes the option of refusing away- "your child just did this- now pay for it"!!!

I doubt they'll get much money back!

OP posts:
peachypips · 25/09/2014 18:07

I like the idea of 'moating up' - placing a ring of protection around me before entering into the debate with the head...

OP posts:
ChocolateWombat · 25/09/2014 18:08

There's nothing more to be said on this, is there.
You appreciate the idea of the theatre and don't seem to object to the £4. Far better to let the school know that the timing of the letter has annoyed you,than to moan in the playground about it and not tell the school. And once you've done that, the matter will be over an dealt with.
If it has irritated you,then politely and briefly let them know.....and then move on. If you don't tell them, you'll feel it is an unresolved issue and it will continue to annoy you and you'll keep moaning about it and that won't solve anything.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2014 18:08

Yes. There's always a fund raiser or bake sale or mufti day or national labrador day etc requiring funds.

(Or cakes)

Let's not forget harvest festival either or bring a bottle for tombolas

Hulababy · 25/09/2014 18:09

IME this is very unusual and it is far more normal to receive letters requesting voluntary donations prior to an event. Infact, it never happened in the whole time my dd was at primary school and it has never happened in the time I have been working at my current primary school.

Therefore, I would assume it has been some form of admin error and not a deliberate ploy to force parents into paying.

I would pay up, but if I was in the "right" mood I would remind school I'd rather know about such requests in advance.

DaisyFlowerChain · 25/09/2014 18:12

It's likely a genuine admin error, people aren't 100% perfect and I imagine the school staff juggle a lot of things at one time.

Visits into schools can easily be a few hundred pound and £4 is a bargain for a child to have the experience.

londonrach · 25/09/2014 18:12

£4 for a theatre trip sounds very cheap. Yes you dont have to pay, yes to school has done it the wrong way around but if not supported will the school do this again. Did your dc enjoy this experience?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 25/09/2014 18:13

Yes school often want money for lots of things over the year, £1 for a fundraiser here, £10 for a school trip there...
Our school hasn't asked for anything yet this term, but they are definitely buttering us up for a change of uniform in the very near future (mid school year merger with another school in very different school colours!). So they are keeping quiet for now.

DuckandCat · 25/09/2014 18:31

I see what difference it makes when they ask tbh.

The letter wasn't asking for permission, or a bill. It was asking for a voluntary contribution to help pay for an exciting experience for your child.

Could have been an admin error, maybe the teacher forgot to hand the letters the week before and found them at the bottom of the going home tray, or perhaps it cost more than the school had originally bugetted for? Either way it's only £4, just pay what you can afford.

YABU (and yes I know you have said you will pay; I'm just adding my 2 cents worth!)

peachypips · 25/09/2014 18:33

Choc has it. I accept her last word on the subject.

OP posts:
HoldenMcGroin · 25/09/2014 18:35

Yes I would pay and grumble madly

And yes frequent requests for ££ I'm afraid

quietbatperson · 25/09/2014 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 25/09/2014 18:50

That letter would go the way of all other 'cough up' letters

Patrickstarisabadbellend · 25/09/2014 18:55

I wouldn't pay it.

MrsWinnibago · 25/09/2014 19:11

Why do you need to be asked first? Would you have said "no my son can't attend that show"? Doubt it.

ThatBloodyWoman · 25/09/2014 19:13

That happened to me.
I just ignored it tbh.

bodhranbae · 25/09/2014 19:16

I'd pay.
It's only 4 quid.

irregularegular · 25/09/2014 19:24

I think that you and many others are being pretty unreasonable. First, it's a voluntary contribution - you don't have to pay, whether the request comes before or after the event. Second, you seem to be complaining that you weren't given an 'option', but there was no option. If you were asked in advance and chose not to pay then your child would still have seen the theatre production. So I don't see that it makes any difference at all whether they ask before or after. Or would you have declined to pay AND insisted that your child was withdrawn from the show (why, exactly???)

So, you don't have to pay, but if you think it was likely to have been a good experience and you can afford £4 (really not very much for a theatre performance) then I really think you should. Schools don't have unlimited budgets so if you don't pay then the money will have to come from elsewhere. Not very fair on everyone who does contribute, is it?

I used to be chair of the PTA and we put aside a sizable chunk of money each year to make up for the voluntary contributions that weren't paid. I was surprised how much it was and it didn't even cover it. Fine if people can't afford to pay, but given the general affluence of the school intake and the amounts involved I'm sure plenty of people just weren't bothering. Some probably just forgot (understandable) but the head refused to send out any general reminders (I wasn't suggesting targeted reminders. It annoyed me tbh. Especially as I bet the ones who didn't pay up were the same ones who never bothered to support PTA events. Ho hum.

Delphiniumsblue · 25/09/2014 19:28

Exactly irregularregular- you really wonder why some schools bother when they have totally unreasonable parents! You would think people didn't want them to provide interesting events at a cheap rate!
It is voluntary- whether they ask before or after is irrelevant .

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 25/09/2014 19:32

Forget about the money.

I'd be far more concerned that the school had taken my DC off site without my written consent. All schools should have parental authority for any events/visits that happen off site.

That, for me, would be a much more serious issue.

ChocolateWombat · 25/09/2014 19:33

This incident aside, I'm interested in the idea that lots of you just wouldn't pay.
Do you refuse to give the asked for voluntary contribution because you cannot afford it? Is it because you don't value the activity that is being offered and so don't think your child should join in? Is it because you know they will get to join in whether you pay or not, and you'd just rather spend the money on something else? I am genuinely interested.

I understand some people cannot afford to pay for all the different things. However,some people seem to refuse every request for voluntary contributions even if they can afford at least some of them. I just do t really understand why.

Schools could just offer what the government budget allows them to offer. Children would be educated but it would be a bleaker, duller experience, with a lesser range of experiences as a result. Things like a visiting theatre company might be beyond what they can afford as a school, but means every child gets to see theatre.....and a number of children won't get to see it any other way. So yes, it costs £4 and there are people who cannot afford £4, but there are equally those who could afford it and decide not to pay. Why is that? As other posters have said, when not enough people who can pay, do pay, it simply means the school don't offer those things. And the childrens experience is bleaker and less broad as a consequence.

I don't think we are talking about the ££££ trip to Iceland here, but just the yearly school trip, or perhaps the Christmas panto show. Yes, they can mount up, but what do you think it IS reasonable for schools to ask parents for across a year? And are you willing to pay that amount if you can afford it? I don't mean people should go without food in order to make their voluntary contribution, but what about being willing to sacrifice a coffee and cake (which costs more than the £4 for this show) or a magazine.....or is the school asking too much?

irregularegular · 25/09/2014 19:34

If I understand it right, the theatre company came to the school, so no consent required.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 25/09/2014 19:39

If I understand it right, the theatre company came to the school, so no consent required.

Ah - apologies I misread.

Hissy · 25/09/2014 19:43

IME these "theatre group experiences" is an outside company coming in to sing nursery rhymes to Reception kids.

if a school (who will be organising these things year in year out) can't organise themselves to respect the parents enough to inform them upfront of all the ways the school is going to spend their money, then frankly they shoudn't be in business.

our infant school was like this, it was voluntary donation after voluntary donation WITH fecking reminder letters.

if a school won't respect the fact that they need parents to fund the nursery rhymes being sung, then why would I enable such incompetance and contempt by coughing up.

our junior school is awesome btw, plenty of notice/involvement no contempt for parents

twosmallbuttons · 25/09/2014 19:44

I don't really see what difference it makes, whether the school asked you for £4 in advance. For such a small amount of money (for most people) is it really worth fretting over, especially if you're happy to pay it anyway? Confused

MrsWinnibago · 25/09/2014 19:46

That's what I think too Buttons people just like to trip the school up sometimes. Not as though the OP might have refused her permission for her son to watch it!

Swipe left for the next trending thread