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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU 12 yo out after dark

20 replies

WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:13

Dd is 12. She persuaded me to let her stay at a friend's last night. At 8pm she was given money by her host to go and get a takeaway. Neither of them had a phone with them. It was very dark. Small town location, involving walking past a number of pubs but not what you'd call a rough area. Possibly a little edgy outside of office hours. Just over a mike round trip.

AIBU and overprotective to be shocked by this? WWYD? Dd doesn't want me to make a fuss.

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 24/09/2014 20:14

8pm on a Tuesday night isn't going to be a wild night in town. Plus there's two of them.

If they're remotely sensible I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Think about what you were doing at that age?

Original poster
WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:16

'Mile' not mike!
Thank you mrs.

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 24/09/2014 20:26

Wouldn't think twice about it to be honest. Is it the fact that it was dark or that they had to pass some pubs?

crje · 24/09/2014 20:26

I wouldn't mind

Original poster
WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:30

I guess its the combination of darkness, dodgy pubs and lack of phone.

OP posts:
BeachyKeen · 24/09/2014 20:31

I wouldn't have minded at all.

Original poster
WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:32

Gosh I must be v overprotective, then!

OP posts:
Fairylea · 24/09/2014 20:37

I'm going against the grain and I'd be livid. I think 8 pm is far too late for pre teens to be out.

Dd has to be back by the time it gets dark. 4.30 / 5pm winter.

DoJo · 24/09/2014 20:40

It will be dark on her way home from school in a few weeks - that in itself isn't something to be worried about. Does your daughter have a phone? Because if you have given her one to keep her safe, then it is her responsibility to take it with her. I do think that you're probably being a bit precious, but then I remember being allowed to travel up to London alone at that age, so I would!

Original poster
WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:40

Fairy, my dd has little freedom as we live quite rurally ( unlike her friend)and so tbh I feel upset that someone else allowed her to what she has never been allowed before, as I would've checked with parents before allowing anything if this kind. I am prepared to accept dd has a sheltered life though, due to where we live.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 24/09/2014 20:40

I'm with you op! If something happened to them how would the parents explain it to you. I would be very angry, they had no phones what if they were in trouble.

mrscumberbatch · 24/09/2014 20:40

12 is a funny age. If be inclined to give bits of 'edgy freedom' (with a calculated risk!).

8pm probably a bit late to be going to get dinner tbh, but assuming it was a one off sleepover treat (no school?) then the whole thing would be ok in my book.

You'll find it a lot easier if you do gradual little things- so that your dd doesn't even notice that the boundaries are being let out a little. It gives you time to process and have peace of mind but at the same time isn't launching her out into the world.

Original poster
WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:41

Dojo, I also went to london at that age! Dd left her phone at her friend's. Her friend thought she had hers but didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:43

Thanks all. Mrs, they did have school today but dd was desperate to go so I was persuaded.

OP posts:
Original poster
WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:43

Good advice- yes tis a funny age!

OP posts:
DoJo · 24/09/2014 20:44

(Don't tell anyone, but I'm not planning to let my son out of my sight until he's 21! He's got 19 years to convince me to change my mind...Grin)

Fairylea · 24/09/2014 20:45

We are very rural too. And I am the overprotective parent here.... All of dds friends have been going out to the local town (10 mins walk) for the last 2 years and I've said no - just friends round etc. It's only recently (since she started high school) that I've allowed her out and about. So I admit I'm maybe on the stricter side!

But I really think the parent should have asked you.. its not something I would let dd and a friend do without checking with another parent first (I wouldn't let them do it anyway mind). If dd has a friend round and they want to hang out at the next door park I always check with the parent that it's okay.

Having said that I wouldn't say anything to the parent now - social suicide. Just let your dd know you aren't happy with it and next time - if there is a next time - ask if she can either stay at the friends house or ask if the adult can come with them. Failing that, at the very least they must take mobile phones.

Original poster
WoodenDuck · 24/09/2014 20:49

At the risk of totally outing myself, it was actually the gran that let them go. The mum is away and the friend said to dd while out that her own mum wouldn't usually let her out at that time!

OP posts:
Nancery · 24/09/2014 20:52

I wouldn't like it at all.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 24/09/2014 20:55

Gran almost certainly wouldn't think anything of it. She probably walked herself to primary from 7or8

They are 2nd year secondary DCs, no doubt getting themselves to and from school. It wouldn't have struck her at all.

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