To want to spend more time with my father

[QueenofLouisiana]

I know that this may seem as though I'm being a total diva so I want a bit of perspective.

My dad lives abroad, he is retired so while comfortable he doesn't have loads of spare cash. We can afford to fly out to see him every 3 years or so and we want to go next year before we have to pay full airfare for DS. It's a long flight- about 27 hours- and the jetlag knocked me out for 4 days each way last time.

However, my MIL wants to take DS away for a week in the summer. She is a really lovely lady and takes DS away for a short break most years. She is already saying that we need to tell her about our dates so she can arrange the break for next year. But the only way she can do that will mean we need to leave Australia a week earlier, giving us 3 weeks there not 4.

I want to spend as long as possible away as we had planned to go to a new city with my dad for a week (planned this during our last visit 2 years ago). So AIBU to book flights which would mean there isn't a clear week for DS to go away with MIL? I would be totally flexible about DS going away at Easter or half term, I have moved holiday dates in recent years to accommodate them and had them join us on holiday last year.

Well done if you waded through my ramblings, thank you for any thoughts.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I would just say you're away from x to y so these are the dates that are available and not get into a discussion about why, who; what etc.

YANBU, your plans as a family come first. You've obviously accommodated her plans in the past, and she hasn't booked anything yet, so no problem. Just book what suits you and then give her the dates. As you said, she's free to take dc away another time

YANBU, it sounds like you have been very accommodating in the past and will be accommodating this year in being flexible about Easter/ half-terms. I think it's fine to explain that unfortunately you will be in Australia and, having looked at the dates, it won't be possible for her to take your DS for a week this summer. Might is be possible for her to have him for a long weekend or a few days to do something with him before/after your holiday instead?

Do you think it matters that she knows we haven't booked flights yet? If it makes any difference my own mother (divorced from my dad many years ago after a long period of domestic abuse) is fully supportive of my desire to spend longer with my dad.

She's asked for your dates just tell her you'll be away for the whole of August (or whatever) and suggest she takes DS in May or Easter. That's perfectly reasonable.