Bad manners.

[lk26]

AIBU to expect good manners from a 47 yr old man and a 15 yr old boy.
Just made them supper and put on table for them. When they had finished they just both stood up and not a bloody thank you between them and left the kitchen to resume their ruddy DIY project.
Happens all the damn time. Down right rude.
The two in question are my OH and stepson.
My teenage daughter is always prompted to say Thankyou / please may I leave the table etc
If the shepherds pie wasn't in my best dish the wall would be wearing shepherds bleeding pie
Rant over. And breathe.

Calmly inform them that if the bad manners and lack of appreciation continues, they are welcome to make their own dinner, as you won't be.

Well, I can't say I've ever said thank you for dinner or asked to leave the table. It is customary to compliment the chef and let them know dinner tastes good.

With me growing up, the rule was to wait until everyone was finished and then we'd get dessert. After dessert, you could leave whenever.

But if it's the rule in the house to thank you and ask before leaving, then it's rude not to oblige.

Im left wondering how often it has happened and whether there is any reciprocal agreement (e.g. You cook and ill sort out the major diy project) ? If not, i think the Einstein definition of insanity applies: keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome.

In our house I get a thank you for each and every meal I put in front of someone. It's basic manners. I would have called them on it the first time it happened. Have you told them you would appreciate a thank you? Perhaps a gentle prompt at first and then a reminder that you won't cook for them if they don't say thank you.

It's just plain and simple manners and the absolute lack of them.
In one ear and out the other in this house. My OH should lead by example but never does.
I am sick of saying the same things.
Right off to take my aggression out on the spinning bike.

Just tell them at a time other than meal times that it is a particular annoyance of yours and you expect recognition. Then no recognition=no meal next time.

I hate cooking. So if I have thrown something together I'm not bothered, but if I have made an effort I expect gratitude. And a bloody medal, notice in the local paper, etc etc. I generally get it. Oh, and they have to clear up after themselves.

You Say"When they had finished they just both stood up and not a bloody thank you between them and left the kitchen to resume their ruddy DIY project. ". Please tell me they at least put their plates in the dishwasher (if you have one?) What is the project?

Will you thank them for all the hard work they are putting into the DIY, assuming it's a project that is benefiting you and not a soap box car or something? If not then be the bigger person and do so, if you persist in thanking them for everything they do then hopefully they will start to reciprocate. A thank you or compliment that comes only after a grumbling prompt always feels hollow.

Oh dear. Ungrateful bastards. Don't make them any tea and leave the washing up. I suppose at least they're bonding in their rudeness/DIY project.

My husband's lack of manners when eating drives me absolutely batshit. I know it's because his family never ate together and I'm pretty sure that they never had a table to eat at anyway but he is 53 FFS! Even my kids know to wait till everyone has finished and say thank you. He would just wander off and start getting pudding or clearing away while everyone is still eating if I didn't ask him to sit down and let people eat in peace without rushing them or giving them indigestion.

He now waits because I have pointed out how rude it is, but he is on the edge of his seat the whole time waiting till I've put the last mouthful in.

In short OP I share your pain, tell them that if they are this rude again you won't be cooking for them.

I refuse to let my two eat unless they say thank you first, they learned very quickly that mummy had spent ages making a meal for them and if it wasn't appreciated they could go hungry (mind you, they're only 4 & 3 so have never actually gone without dinner before, but the threat of having no dinner if they didn't mind their manners was enough)

tbh in my family we've never said thank you for family meals (always would as guests).

What would be unacceptable here would be leaving the clearing up to the cook - people are expected to clear their own plates / put them in the dishwasher etc.

They've probably just grown up in a household where the conventions are different, if they do it all the time. Are they rude about other things?

Don't cook tomorrow and wait for them to ask why.

Showing my age here - I was brought up to say "thank you for my nice tea, please may I leave the table?"
Maybe a little OTT, but nothing intrinsically wrong with teaching good manners and acknowledging someone else's work. If a work colleague made you a cuppa, you'd say thank you automatically, so why not extend the same courtesy at home?
If you reverse the situation and a DC makes a meal, how hacked off would they be if you didn't say anything?

I don't understand anyone not saying thank you for a meal that's been made for them. Regardless of whether that's how they may have been brought up - which in itself I find amazing! It's the height of bad manners in my opinion, breathtakingly rude. But maybe that's just how I was brought up

Preferably, don't make any more meals for them until they learn some manners, but if you feel you must, then do this.

If they get up, don't say thank you and leave without removing their used plate from the table, don't say anything. Simply leave their plates and cutlery where they left it.
Come the next meal, serve theirs straight onto their dirty plates, still lying there from the last meal.
Continue doing this, until they finally notice and say something. Pretend you haven't heard what they said and ask them to repeat it. When they do, look enlightemed and say ...

"Oh, my mistake ... I thought you said 'Thank you for dinner!' "

continue ignoring.

DH and sons didn't specifically say thank you but always did say 'that was delicious' or something along those lines which I guess I always felt was the same as. If they wanted to leave before everyone was finished they would always say 'May I be excused' followed by why (homework, sports, whatever) and they did take their plates to the kitchen sink & rinse them off.

I guess if I were you at the end of the meal tomorrow I'd probably crack a big happy smile and say 'Why, you are WELCOME for the meal I spent X time preparing just for you!' then lift an eyebrow in their general direction. If that didn't work, next day they'd get cheese sandwiches and water!

Never once in 46 years has my DH failed to say 'thank you that was lovely' after a meal that I've prepared.The same goes for me and our kids when they ate at home.It's just good manners and perhaps one of the building blocks that maintain a strong and happy relationship/marriage.