to think i will have too much money on benefits.

[5toocoolforschool]

OK so dh and i have split up.He is staying with a friend and is finding somewhere else to live.We have 5 children.He is a relatively high earner and i have always been at home with the kids.

I have applied for everything i am entitled to (income support,child tax credits,child benefit,housing benefit, i will not have to pay any council tax- was not entitled to any of these before)

On top of this i will be receiving maintenance from Ex.

All in i will be receiving £3,300 per month!

That is only a couple of hundred less than dh gets paid.

I am porting this partly because i am sure i have missed something,should i not be getting maintenance from dh as well?Everywhere i have looked says i can.

Partly,i just think its bad.I mean i wont be claiming these forever,i have been accepted on a course (again which i wont have to pay for,which i will be given a grant for childcare)and after that i will be working again,so 3 years max.

But now i can see how easy it must be for someone to just see this as a lifestyle.

CSa if not paid voluntary should be deducted at source- no exceptions. We are too lax on absent parents.

And what about the ones who don't work? Or leave the country? Or work cash-in-hand? Or leave work on purpose so they have no earnings to take from?

It's never that simple.

Wannabe I did feel I was banging my head against a brick wall .

being lax on absent parent is a different issue

if benefits were not provided all these nrp who are irresponsible are not suddenly going to become responsible parents, they choose to be this way CSA or not they make a choice that is theirs alone why should their children and ex partner struggle even more because of their selfish actions

It seems I am one of the few that find this type of situation hard to stomach. The OP is not a 'single parent' at all, the children have a father and I find it so difficult to accept that men can walk away from their responsibilities and allow the state(ie the taxpayer) to act as a surrogate parent in this way.

I also know plenty of families on incomes of less than £65,000, most of whom are entitled to no benefits, apart from those where both parents work to obtain that level of income and can therefore claim CB.

Obviously I don't know the OPs circumstances(eg if there was violence in the home) but when it appears to be so easy to lead a subsidised lifestyle where is the incentive for individuals to work at relationships of for fathers to take financial responsibility for their offspring?

And back in the real world Apple ....

My children have a father too apple

He and I are no longer in a relationship.

What am I if not a single parent

IneedA clearly you had no incentive to work at your relationships as you stood to gain £100k a week plus a goat.

Soon to be six-I suppose we are discussing the 'real world' in a country with a bloated and societally debilitating welfare system.

I need -you and I must disagree on the definition of single parent. Your partner has not died, your children have two parents both of whom should take responsibility for them. The state should not be encouraging any other situation.

soontobe I've been a single parent for nearly 5 years now. Still no goat :( I'm gutted. I love goats. They're so cute

Apple the state can't make their father take responsibility for them. I don't think £5 per week and him seeing them for 6/28 days counts really.
I'm single and a parent. Therefore a single parent.

Ok Apple so let's say that you're right. How do you design a welfare system around that premise?

There needs to be a mechanism for deciding who is the resident parent and what level of safety net they need to subsist should the other parent simply vanish, a mechanism for working out what the non-resident parent should contribute, a mechanism for making the non parent pay their fair contribution....

But we had/have ALL of that (it was about 10 years ago that the rules changed so that child maintainence was not offset against state benefit entitlement) and it didn't work. The state deemed very low contributions from fathers were reasonable and then failed to ensure that they paid (which is why that rule was changed).

If you have an idea as to how separated fathers can be made to pay Apple, let's hear it.

What is the definition of being single BTW if it isn't the state of not having a husband, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend?

That's where you've got me Arsenic. I don't have the answers and neither, it appears do successive governments. It sometimes seems to me that we have created a monster.

I have lived in a country where a minimal level of state support was provided. I am not saying it was a charmed land but people had to be more responsible for their families and communities and to me that seems right.

London is really expensive and outside most peoples reach. Is the OP in London.

No, she said above she's in Adur.

That is over three times what I earn working 40 hours a week. I pay all bills, rent and council tax. The fact benefits are that much is a joke. They should be enough to cover living costs and nothing more. Otherwise it becomes a lifestyle choice.

MrsWinnebago £3,500 a month is a high earner in my book. My OH earns about £38-40,000 a year and depending on when his overtime falls, is in the 40% tax bracket, he brings home about £2,700 a month and that's a high earner AFAIC.

But, OP, I see your point - I've had a couple of short periods on JSA and my view is, if you are legally entitled to it, good luck to you.

It sounds like you are the sort of person the system was designed for, not single through choice, not working but retraining to do so, and you had 5 kids before you claimed benefits, not after, so if, after ticking all the boxes you are still able to claim that much, fair enough.

I doubt most claimants would be entitled to those kinds of amounts though.

OP, I can only advise you learn to budget. It won't stretch near as far as you think and your DH may not be so eager to add to it in the future (I'm thinking holidays, birthday parties, small non-essentials etc).

For those who miss London, come and see the London in the 90s thread :)

lady, learn to budget??? the op says she'll be getting over £3k, why does she have to learn to budget? the whole point is she cant believe she'll be getting so much money, not all benefits of course, maintenance sounds very high. cant imagine her dh will need to add to it.

dont get your first above post??

It's 3K, single parent and 5 kids. It won't be easy. May even be 2k only with talk of the cap (see, I did read beyond first post).

I must be living in a parallel universe, £3k and struggling.....only on MN.

I agree with ssd, financially OP will be very stable. The fact that she has only £40 per week for childcare (with 5 children, 2 are pre school age!) puts her at a massive advantage to most parents.

that and the fact her ex is paying a good whack of maintenance, which going by this thread is very unusual.

The op won't get as much as she anticipated which you would discover if you read all the posts. The op may or may not get the amount of maintenance she expects me and my ex agreed all of that but he then found way after way of not paying, if the op has to go via cmo then the op will be lucky to get £20 a week.

Realistically after rent and child care if indeed she does get fully paid places for the younger though 85% of costs covered seems to be the norm, op will have £200 a week to feed and clothe 6 people, gas, electric, water, tv licence, any debts or commitments they already have, travel costs, extra curricular activities. The money will not go anywhere near as far as it should.