To ask how I can aviod being a party pooper/miserable cow with my views

[VulvaVoom]

Hi all

I've found myself becoming much more aware of gender stereotypes and generally more frustrated with the way that women are treated since I've had DD.

I guess it can be a good thing however, I was on a hen weekend this weekend just gone and we went to a club.

Now I'm a bit too old and boring for all that but I found myself feeling REALLY angry with the way it's just accepted that the drunk men will wander around sleazing onto women, one man, who wouldn't leave some of my friends alone said to the hen 'I'd murder you for breakfast'

I realise writing this down that I should loosen up a bit but I did want to lay into them and tell them to f the f off.

It angers me so much the way that women are viewed as a bit of meat in the shop window. I would have been disgusted if that was any man I know.

Sorry, I sound like a bore but how can I let go my anger and distaste and not be the miserable party pooper? I guess not go clubbing again - and I have no plans to!

I don't go clubbing for this exact reason. My friends and I would go dancing for a bit of fun with the girls but we got sick of men treating it like a cattle market, even after you'd firmly told them that you had a partner and weren't interested. I'm only 24 and I decided that I was over the whole scene two years ago - I don't miss it.

Clubbing is just hideous. I think a lot of the sleaze comes from the venue, I know hen's who've been just as bad as the guys. Don't worry about your opinions, don't put up with it!

Yeah loosen up. I don't mind a bit of attention from males (or females even though i am not into that personally). If they get too annoying i tell them to fuck off.

Not really sure what the problem is. Wimen can either like it or not and deal with it how they like too. I have a dd and will just give her guidance and information about how to deal with these incidents if she doesnt want the attention.

Incidentally some women treat men like bits of meat too.

women.

Disclaimer: i actually hate clubbing too as i like to be in bed by 1.00 .

That's why I only ever go to alt. clubs or alt nights where people are here to check out bands/music. Not that I ever get to do that these days...

I think it goes both ways. Have seen some horrendous behaviour in the sort of high street, hen/stag night sort of clubs. Go to a specialist dance/rock night and generally no problem, people are there to dance.

X post with geek!

i don't see why women who do enjoy clubbing should have to put up with that sort of treatment

i don't really enjoy clubbing either (i like a bit of a dance, but i like a decent chat more!), but i don't think clubbing and unwanted sexual attention should go hand-in-hand

I never liked the clubbing or bar scene, but it is known for easy hook ups and getting one night stands. So it's not surprising that people would take a go at it, being drunk takes away fear of rejection so you get idiotic pick up lines and men hitting on you. The difference between a man and a woman is that a woman's advances are generally not rejected or irritating to the opposite gender.

I tend to avoid those places, which works out since I met DH in a book store. :)

Yeah it's a part of the scene really. Women shouldn't have to put up with it but tbh I've seen many and known a few women who LOVE it. They purposely get dressed up in the skimpiest outfit to grab the most attention from these sleazy men. I'm not for one second saying women are to blame because of what they wear! But some women do want it and seek it. Drunk men in groups, trying to impress their friends, in a dark nightclub with women usually wearing very little... It's easy to see why it happens but obviously it shouldn't.

Although I've also seen many a hen night where they've treat men like this too so it works both ways. I have witnessed women talking to men in that exact way "I'd eat you up for dinner- rawr." Sort of shite.

Just avoid clubs like the plague, they play shit music anyway.

You absolutely should NOT loosen up a bit. Particularly about the murder comment - sleazing is bad enough, but so much of it seems to be not just sleaze but violent these days.

Have a look at the Good Night Out campaign, which is trying to train bar and club staff to help reduce this sort of thing: goodnightoutcampaign.org/

This is why going clubbing in a LGBT bar or club is a very good alternative. Good eye candy, awesome atmosphere and no sleazy guy (toward girls at least). Music is usually good, and people are very friendly!

Another who thinks you do not need to loosen up! It is not acceptable for men to make horrible violent comments to women (murder FFS?).

I used to go clubbing a lot when I was young and just used to tell men to Fuck Off when they got too leery/gropey. Got punched a couple of times for my trouble but found it the only effective way of dealing with them.

I truly dread what my beautiful 6 year old DD will have to "loosen" up for and put up with when she gets older

just because some women want to seek out that sort of behaviour, why should all women be expected to put up with it just because they happen to be in the same place and dressed similarly?

i don't think the OP should loosen up either

Jesus, why feel the need to 'loosen up'? It's completely unacceptable behaviour, and I wouldn't for a second worry about looking like a 'party pooper' for objecting to sleazy approaches, objectification and bizarre death threats. But then, the last time someone grabbed my ass on the street I broke his nose, so 'putting up with' that kind of shite isn't exactly my forte.

Cheers buffy, will check it out. I think my friends thought I was possibly a bit uptight about it and I didn't want to ruin the night but I was so chuffing annoyed. My friends beautiful 19 year old was with us and if she had got any of that rough treatment, I think me and her mum would have ripped them a new one

And thanks for all other comments too, it's an interesting discussion to have