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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not buy a leaving gift

53 replies

highlighta · 22/09/2014 11:20

A couple that we are friends with are moving to another country. The leaving do is next weekend for which we have received an invite. On the invite it says rather than to buy gifts, to put something so cash in an envelope.

I have a problem with giving a gift in this situation for various reasons. Firstly, the couple got married earlier this year. They were married away from where we live and so we all had to book flights and accommodation to the venue of the wedding as it was on a beach. The wedding cost us a bloody fortune, not only was it flights and the hotel, but there was a theme to the wedding, and the dc and us had to get new outfits, hire a car while we were there, etc.

On the wedding invite they also asked for no gifts and that cash would be appreciated, so we gave them quite a substantial sum of money in a card, which to this day we have never even received a thank you for.

The reason that they are moving is for his work. His company is paying all of their relocation fees, rent for first year at their new house, supplied with company car. They are not having to fund the move at all from their own money.

When it was the hen night, we had to contribute a gift for that too. Not your normal salt and pepper shaker or pair of willy slippers, there was a list of things she wanted which included very personal items that she wanted for the day, expensive nail polish in certain colour, gift card for spa day etc. We also had to pay for the platters of food which were pre-ordered. I don't mind paying for anything that I eat, but each person paid a fair amount, and we ended up with no more than a tiny plate of sausage roll type snacks each. I think the money we paid went towards her and her wedding party drinks as we had to buy our own and theirs was on a tab....

So if I add up everything that we have spend on this couple within this year, it is an astronomical amount.

So now I have to provide yet another envelope with money in it. I am absolutely seething about this..... This is just taking the piss isn't it....?

OP posts:
BuildYourOwnSnowman · 22/09/2014 17:39

Please do an extremely glittery card sent to their new address (they will be finding glitter for years!) with a paperclip so they think the cheque is lost

Then if they call to ask for a new cheque you can tell them what you really think!!

x2boys · 22/09/2014 19:01

I would give them a card with a fiver in it if you just give them a card they might think you have forgotten the substantial cheque and send follow up emails! Yes they sound very grabby!

Hissy · 22/09/2014 19:49

I like the idea of sending a pack of thank you cards with one pre-written to you thanking you for the kind gesture of the chunk of cash you gave them

if you're feeling generous, include a book of stamps

:)

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